Man! Dude! Session #300

(D)ude: Man! The Republican Tea GOP is like the corrective plastic surgery patients of Drs. Paul Nassif and Terry DuBrow. 

(M)an: Dude! Drs. Nassif and DuBrow are corrective plastic surgery cases themselves!

D: Man! I agree. Paul and Terry both have arresting stares that come with a possible eyelid or eyebrow lift. 

M: Dude! You think? I don’t know. But what I do know is that plastic surgery’s taxing on the blood vessels in the skin and to become addicted only makes you prone to problems like paralysis due to the formation of scar tissue.  

D: Man! Blood vessels? Are blood vessels rendered inoperable after a certain number of operations? Are the blood vessels what are susceptible to Botox poisoning?

M: Dude! Yeah? Probably. So when did Drs. Nassif and DuBrow become Paul and Terry? Is this like a soap opera following or a weekend marathon crunch?   

D: Man! It’s a combination of the two. You become attached to the case studies but rather not catch every weekly episode and instead opt for a two-hour sampling of the best episodes at the end of the season. I’m absolutely certain that Paul and Terry are tolerable for two hours over one weekend.  

M: Dude! That’s four thirty-minute episodes? Cannot say the same about the constructiveness of the Republicans in the United States Congress! Congress is going into its second week of a five-week long break from our nation’s Capitol, and the Republican Tea GOP’s voter suppression strategies are being earmarked legitimate by federal judges appointed to the bench by George Walker Bush during his reign of dragooning errors, one of which was U.S. District Court Judge Thomas D. Schroeder in North Carolina.      

D: Man! Dragooning dragons or constitutional drags? Either way, the Republican Tea GOP is botched. We need a new political identity and party like the Millennial Voter Party. Yeah. Imagine the MVPs and the declaration that we are the Most Valuable Players in American Democracy in this new millennium of daily economic and ecological upgrades that the Republican Tea GOP is purposely putting off through brazen hostility and by stoking contempt and bitterness whenever they address audiences and constituents. Why not hold these insulting inciters accountable?

M: Dude! I am an MVP in the MVP! I am a most valuable player in the Millennial Voter Party. Sounds catchy. I like it. But is it a good enough starting point for getting people like James Franco and Seth Rogen to come forward and orchestrate a youth movement this Election Day Tuesday, November 4, 2014?

D: Man! The cast of This is the End probably does get together at get-togethers where there is plenty pendulum support amongst young professionals and the laidback easy goers to soothe the pain of the reality that the Republican Tea GOP is bringing upon US. In fact, if we don’t vote it will be an end to our last chance for freedom and freewill.

M: Dude! I want to shut my eyes and wish away the Republican Tea GOP too! Their hate hurts so much that I am convinced that you cannot pray about prey like these Republican Tea GOP. The only solution to the problematic cycle of returning to the twentieth century or much earlier over and over again is to plan ahead to register to vote right now and actually show up to vote on Election Day Tuesday, November 4, 2014.

D: Man! Judge Thomas D. Schroeder of North Carolina did disservice all of US by upholding the Republican Party’s totalitarian voting laws on the grounds that groups like the NAACP and the League of Women Voters in North Carolina failed to evidence any quote unquote irreparable harm due to the Republican Party’s 2013 voter restrictions made to disenfranchise voters further by reducing early voting days from 17 to ten. And Judge Thomas D. Schroeder was not persuaded about the need for arrangements like those made in the 2012 Presidential Election to accommodate strong voter turnouts since we are only facing Midterm Elections this November 4, 2014.     

M: Dude! We’ll just have to prove Judge Schroeder wrong by registering to vote and showing up to cast our ballots on Election Day Tuesday, November 4, 2014.

D: Man! Did you notice the way Judge Schroeder placed the responsibilities of figuring out the specifics of state laws to the legislative branch of government in North Carolina, insisting that the legislators take it upon themselves to solve the specifics to problems like voter identification requirements?

M: Dude! What’s up with the Republican Tea GOP? They want the Legislative Branch to do nothing and obstruct the Executive Branch while the Judicial Branch handles every crisis! Isn’t it time that Justice John Marshall’s judicial review come under scrutiny?

D: Man! That’s only possible in the hands of the voters in the United States of America! If  American Voters decide to register to vote and then actually report to a polling place to cast their ballots for the Democratic Ticket, only then can anybody or anything come under proper scrutiny.

M: Dude! There’s an elephant in the room here with the Republican Tea GOP, isn’t there? That elephant doesn’t like melting pots or tossed salads and, instead prefers his lettuce and tomatoes separate and unequal.

D: Man! Forget the lettuce and tomatoes! This elephant doesn’t even like vinaigrettes because they remind him of transparency and multiculturalism evident in the way the colors blend into the vegetables and the ground pepper never dissolves.  

M: Dude! The elephant’s a typical Ranch dressing enthusiast who likes to pour it on thick until one cannot decipher any of the vegetables at all. Have you ever seen soaking lettuce leaves? Oh! They also pile on the croutons until the salad is comparable to two Big Macs!

AsteRisks***

Man! Dude! Session #299

(M)an: Dude! I’ve had it! I’ve really had it up to here with these Google searches for 2014 Election Calendars from all 50 states in the United States of America!

(D)ude: Man! Ouch! Aw! I think I just dabbed my right eye with the jalapeño pepper smeared in my hand! Help! What can I do? Think!  

M: Dude! I’m trying! I’m seriously trying! I think I’ve got some bottles of Allegra in these cabinets!

D: Man! Are they expired? Hurry! Ouch! This really hurts! 

M: Dude! Here! Take these!

D: Man! Two Allegra tablets? I think you’re mistaking them with Advil! Just give me one! Then again, I’ll take all I can get!

M: Dude! Here’s one! Take it! There’s a water bottle behind you! Look!

D: Man! Mm! How long will it take? Is my eye red? It really stings!

M: Dude! Yeah. You’re eye’s red but your cheek is totally swollen and pink!

D: Man! I was trying that Chinese bitter melon recipe with the jalapeño peppers and ground turkey! Man! My cheek’s feeling puffy! You take over for me here so I can run to the bathroom! I think I’m going to apply an ice cold facial! Ah!   

M: Dude! Give it five minutes! Watch it! You’re doing okay! Actually, go ahead with the ice cold facial! In fact, take all the time in the world! I’ll finish this! Dude! You should have used the skillet! It’s faster than the burners! Why do I have to be the one to fix it all?

D: Man! Talking about fix it alls, did you catch a glimpse of the IBM SyNapse computer chip? Konrad Krawczyk’s article for the website Digital Trends featured a really nice photograph of the next generation of central processing units, or CPUs.

M: Dude! CPU? So which component of the CPU are we talking about in terms of the tech breakthroughs? The arithmetic logic unit or the control unit?

D: Man! Fortunately, the latest CPU is a first of its kind, combining technology and neuroscience, hence the question here is about whether we’ve achieved a greater understanding between the Left Brain and the Right Brain.

M: Dude! Left Brain and the Right Brain? Which one’s which again?

D: Man! Yesterday’s CPUs were right brained but today’s SyNapse computer chips from IBM have the added capabilities of the left-brain. Of course, the study of the right and left sides of the brain is generally referred to as brain lateralization and is not as conceptually sound as some wish to think, which is good news because the brain’s elasticity, the ability to compensate for injuries sustained in another region make it dynamic and resilient. But according to the rave review of IBM’s SyNapse by Krawczyk, the right side of the brain deals with language and analytics while the left side deals with sensory and pattern recognition. Before, the language and the analytics were conquerable and made the technological advancements we take for granted nowadays possible. But with the added ability to sense patterns of the motion and data in its surrounds, the SyNapse chip makes the impossible possible, and that is beautifully pieced together by Krawczyk when he refers to a typical summertime lull that finds one reclined in a hammock and dozing off. But for a split second, your senses cue into a detail like a bug nearby and you focus in on this bug with the same intensity you would allot to a calculus problem in a textbook.       

M: Dude! Oh! I get it! That jerky response between the lull and the mosquito bite is finally measurable? You know, I was placed in high school calculus and failed miserably until I called the local university’s mathematics department and got assistance from the physics PhD who mistook me for Kip Winger.   

D: Man! You always had the tackiest hairstyles and unkempt facial hair. I really feel sorry for Kip Winger, he was handsome but lost his looks in booze and drugs. I  think the Republican Tea GOP Representative Steve King of Iowa and Republican Tea GOP Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky are testaments to the return of the Klu Klutz Klan. They and Texas GOP Tea Attorney General Greg Abbott and Florida GOP Tea Representative Curt Clawson are historic lows wanting to score worse pitfalls in public communications with their outright disregard and preferential denial of the multicultural and walking in the opposite direction of diversity or just simply responding with asterisks when asked to spell out their agendas.

M: Dude! What’s an asterisk? Everything but anything?

D: Man! Basically, yeah. Erika Andiola and Cesar Vargas were avoided altogether by GOP Tea Rand Paul and then reduced to stereotypes by GOP Tea Steve King.

M: Dude! The State Department’s Nisha Biswal and the Commerce Department’s Arun Kumar were both mistaken by GOP Tea Representative Curt Clawson for foreign government officials from India at a July 24, 2014 House Foreign Affairs Committee congressional hearing.

D: Man! How Klannish can you get than the Class of 2010 Republican Tea GOP?

M: Dude! We forgot Greg Abbott’s habitual tendency to defer all questions from the American Press Corps to his spokespeople. Whenever asked specifically about the Texas and Mexico Border Crisis, he remains silent and a spokesperson surfaces forth from the background of campaign aides at outdoor press gatherings with the dastardly Governor Rick Perry. Logically, we’ve got an infestation of the know-nothings on our hands. We have to vote for the Democratic Ticket or risk being snubbed by the Koch Klutz Klan.  

Kamikaze Squirrels

Man! Dude! Session #298

(D)ude: Man! I saw Mitch McConnell selecting ice cream at Wal-Mart today.

(M)an: Dude! Yeah. I saw Terence Trent D’Arby rearranging the tomatoes there yesterday. He was on his cell phone discussing variants of guacamole with a friend. Could have been an acquaintance. I don’t think you necessarily need a friend to exchange recipes like that.      

D: Man! I have a whiskey fruitcake in the freezer dating back to January or February of this year.

M: Dude! I have office stationery dating back two years, yet I went on a shopping spree and returned home with these really cool ink pens that are otherwise too overpriced and don’t really have a high turnover anyways.

D: Man! That’s brilliant! Buying office supplies during the back-to-school hoopla is the only way to not end up with dried out pens and markers in the long run.  

M: Dude! Here. You can have ten packets of these and I’ll take the remaining ten. If you want, I can relieve you of the burden of the pink, turquoise, and lime ink pens. They’re quite useless, I know.  

D: Man! Useless? They cannot be as useless as the Republican Tea GOP! Like I said, Mitch McConnell was actually buying ice cream at Wal-Mart today. That doggone rascal! My teeth are already too sensitive for me to relish frozen desserts. And I’m rather young, aren’t I?

M: Dude! Of course! Sure! You know why the Republican Tea GOP wants to end the Affordable Care Act? The Republican Tea GOP wants those of us living without to remain disenfranchised. It’s like the Republican Tea GOP members are all suffering from the exact same ailment but do not want the elixir even for them if that means enfranchising the working and middle classes and those of US barely managing at the poverty level.

D: Man! I’ll tell you what I think. I think the Republican Tea GOP is a pack of scraggly squirrels. Scraggly kamikaze squirrels. I don’t know about anywhere else, well maybe Austin, Texas, the squirrels situated at the state capitol are mischievous to the point where they’ll confiscate your lunch items if you allow them anywhere near. Their antics at picnics make me feel obtuse like a puppy.

M: Dude! Scraggly squirrels, I understand. But kamikaze? I’m going to have to think this through.   

D: Man! Yeah! Scraggly kamikaze squirrels! They’re everywhere you don’t want them to be, especially crossing over a lane or a street when you’re behind the wheel and driving inconsiderately. You know what I mean?  

M: Dude! I think I do. I think what you’re meaning to convey here is that squirrels are imprudent in their steps and consequent mishaps. You’re watching out for human pedestrians and the scraggly kamikaze squirrels add onto that stimuli an annoyance of many sorts? Do you think they’re fatalistic?

D: Man! I don’t know about fatalism. However, I did see a squirrel fall down seven feet without any complications. Spineless nosedive downward onto the asphalt as if it happened everyday. Reminded me of the Republican Tea GOP’s steadfast pursuit of nothingness and zilch. The Republican Tea GOP resides in a parallel universe from ours where carbon dioxide is the air of choice for Michelle Bachman and Marsha Blackburn. 

M: Dude! There’s a new wave of the industrial revolution underway that Michelle Bachman and Marsha Blackburn and the Republican Tea GOP are trying to halt.

D: Man! There’s another industrial revolution that’s being blocked by the Republican Tea GOP? What’s its focus?

M: Dude! Green energy. Remember Elon Musk of Tesla Motors? Well, the blueprints he made available to the world by making his patents public are now the new direction of industry. However, Jeb Bush and George Prescott Bush are misleading US because of their own private investments and lootings of global oil infrastructures. The Republican Tea GOP membership wants to tear apart the lands of the United States for the purposes of fracking, but do not want a new wave of economic development benefitting the working and middle classers and empowering the destitute.

D: Man! Why? What’s wrong with another industrial revolution focused on green energy and technology?

M: Dude! Rule by the few. Preservation of the status quo. Another chance at sending our sons and daughters to fight senselessly only to return home to nothingness and zilch. Nothingness and zilch for the multitude. The Koch Klutz Klan of the millennium.

D: Man! The Republican Tea GOP is hailing India’s Prime Minister Narendra Modi as a Ronald Reagan. I agree. Going back to that line Alec Baldwin shared on MSNBC once. What was it? Something about how Ronald Reagan made US all shameless in our personal pursuits for swimming pools in our backyards. Remember?

M: Dude! The Republican Tea GOP wants US not to register to vote and definitely not show up to our polling sites and cast our ballots on Election Day Tuesday November 4, 2014. They’re also keeping US from holding rallies and civil demonstrations. But how long can the private sector possibly afford to keep going on in place of the federal government?

D: Man! That’s why Churches across America must hold the rallies and civil demonstrations. Or have Willie Nelson concerts like the one the celebrated country singer did for Wendy Davis recently. You know, Tina Brown’s The Daily Beast and Arianna Huffington’s The Huffington Post are already forecasting a Republican Tea GOP win in all the upcoming election races. But, then again, Tina Brown and Arianna Huffington are nowadays like Ayn Rand then.

Register, Then Vote. Your Vote Counts. Make Your Voice Heard.

Man! Dude! Session #297

(M)an: Dude! What happened to you? You look like David Bowie from his Ziggy Stardust era with that makeup on! Have you been watching tour documentaries again? David Bowie’s Five Years?

(D)ude: Man! Yeah. I only caught the first half hour, but got a great overview of David Bowie’s makeup palettes. Looked like colorful bottles of liquid paint that he was so accustomed to that he actually did the application with his own deft hands. Do I really look like him from the seventies?

M: Dude! So when did you go shopping for makeup? And why didn’t you just go to a costume shop and purchase circus face paints?

D: Man! Been there, done that over four years ago! I wanted to look like David Bowie, not a terrorizing clown out of a Stephen King novella. And you know how petrified I am of balloon animals and the buttery gooey saturate they pour atop your popcorn.

M: Dude! Balloon animals? Any particular kind? I always thought balloon animals were guaranteed innocuous. Does your Uncle Lionel figure into this phobia somehow?

D: Man! He used to sit on all the balloon creatures my Aunt Pauline crafted for me! And, much later in adolescence, I had a difficult time with acne and the image of a balloon animal, the turkey specifically, made me woozy and faint.   

M: Dude! Stop wrecking my childhood memories! Do you know how many times I’ve been asked to sculpt a balloon turkey hat for my nieces and nephews?

D: Man! I’m just having a trying Wednesday. I went to Walgreens and the woman behind me made selections from my shopping cart, throwing me off balance in regards to the coupon specificities that I had carefully followed in order to qualify for the almost twenty dollars worth of savings.  

M: Dude! Hold on! The woman in line behind you actually did some of her shopping out of your cart? Really?

D: Man! I don’t know, but I didn’t feel the inclination to correct or chide her whatsoever. Actually, I was curious as to what items from my shopping cart the woman selected. I guess I was playing God again. When was the last time I was taken by a God Complex? I think it was that time when a toddler mistook me for her father because I had also chosen to wear maroon penny loafers with khakis. 

M: Dude! What happened? Did the toddler cry?

D: Man! She was exasperated but did not cry. She looked me in the eyes as if to question me about the huge disservice I had put her through. Apparently, toddlers these days aren’t as gracious with their affectations as we were with our affections.

M: Dude! The William Wilberforce Trafficking Victims Protection Reauthorization Act of 2008 is strong indication of the Republican Tea GOP’s overall strategy of inaction and gridlock. Signed into law by President George Walker Bush, the Wilberforce Act advanced interagency measures in the American government to protect the trafficked, prosecute the trafficker, and prevent trafficking through updated research and investigative means to combat modern-day enslavement of countless across the globe.       

D: Man! The Wilberforce Act of 2008 and President George Walker Bush? Are you trying to basically convey the treachery of the Republican Tea GOP, particularly the Republican Tea GOP’s tendency to implement long-term solutions that they can revoke in the name of a national deficit or recession later on?

M: Dude! Precisely, George Walker Bush was so convinced that a Republican would win the White House in 2008 and again in 2012 that he signed the Wilberforce Act in 2008 as a means to calm the waters enough to allow the Republican Tea GOP to win over a diverse range of voters, before placing the Wilberforce Act, or TVPRA as it is also known, on the chopping block. That’s how the Republican Tea GOP operates. They take two steps forward and at least ten steps back in the end.  

D: Man! Ernesto “Che” Guevara’s journeying through South America as a medical student youth is vividly presented in his memoir The Motorcycle Diaries. However, it is heartbreaking to realize that Che Guevara honestly believed in a United Latin America that would be in partnership with the United States of America.     

M: Dude! It is even sadder knowing that a journey of such incredible distance cannot be experienced today without the unparalleled predatory surrounds turning against the traveler. Why do you think Che Guevara aligned with Fidel Castro? Fidel Castro turned into that very personality that he had fought for six years.

D: Man! It isn’t the theoretic that is atrocious, but the personalities that configure onto whatever it is they choose to define or surrender. Right now, the United States of America is facing suspended balloon figures in the form of the Republican Tea GOP leaders. We must cast our ballot for the Democratic Ticket on Election Day November 4, 2014. We need concrete answers but the House of Representatives is infiltrated with a Republican Majority that refuses to budge an inch from the Paul Ryan Budget and now the cruel take on poverty from Representative Ryan’s repertoire of impasses.   

M: Dude! Speaker of the House and Ohio Representative John Boehner would choose to describe the Republican Tea GOP’s impasses as cul-de-sacs, not dead ends.

D: Man! When did John Boehner enter real estate?  

M: Dude! Around the same time he and Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell et al met up in Washington, DC with the five Supreme Court alpha males to disrupt the checks and balances system that is scheduled for extinction if we do not vote on Election Day Tuesday, November 4, 2014. Keep in mind too that John Marshall extended the doctrine of judicial review to which Thomas Jefferson forecast dimly that the constitution in the hands of the judiciary was “a mere thing of wax, which they may twist and shape into any form they please” like the present day Supreme Court of the United States has proven true through their bizarre and paternalistic rulings as of late.

AL, AK, AZ, AR, CA, CO, CT, DE, FL, GA

Voting for the Democratic Party Ticket in the USA General Elections on Tuesday, November 4, 2014:

AL, AK, AZ, AR, CA, CO, CT, DE, FL, GA

1. Alabama (AL) Voter Registration Deadlines

-Alabama Secretary of State Jim Bennett’s telephone: (800) 274-8683

- October 20 (Monday) = voter registration deadline.

- October 30 (Thursday) = Last day for voter to make application for an absentee ballot.

- November 3 (Monday) = Last day for voter to hand-deliver or postmark an absentee ballot.

- 12PM November 4 (Tuesday) = Last day for Absentee Election Manager to receive absentee ballot from a UOCAVA voter for election. Absentee ballots for UOCAVA voters must be postmarked no later than Election Day 

- Also November 4 (Tuesday) General Election Day. Polls open from 7AM – 7PM. Please note that polling places located in the Eastern Time Zone may be open from 7 AM to 7 PM Eastern Time. 

2. Alaska (AK) Voter Registration Deadlines

-State of Alaska Division of Elections consists of seven offices throughout the State of Alaska. The Director's Office located in Juneau, four Regional Elections Offices located in Juneau, Anchorage, Fairbanks, and Nome, one Satellite Office located in the Matanuska-Susitna Borough and the Absentee and Petition Office located in Anchorage.

- Director Gail Fenumiai’s telephone: (866) 952-8683

- 14GENR = “2014 General Election”

- September 7 (Sunday) = Deadline for voters to register to vote or update their registration.

- September 19 (Friday) = Deadline to mail ballots to UOCAVA voters and voters in remote Alaska.

- October 4 (Saturday) = Offices open 10AM – 4PM for Absentee, Early Voting, and Registration.

- October 5 (Sunday) = Offices open 12PM – 4PM for Absentee, Early Voting, and Registration. 

- Also October 5 (Sunday) = Deadline for voters to register to vote or update their registration.

- October 13 (Monday) = Statutory deadline for OEPs to be mailed to voters

- October 20 (Monday) = Absentee In Person, EV, electronic transmission and Special Needs voting begins.

- October 25 (Saturday) = Deadline to receive absentee by-mail applications.

- November 1 (Saturday) = Regional Offices open 10 a.m. - 4 p.m. for Absentee and Early Voting.

- November 2 (Sunday) = Regional Offices open 12 p.m. - 4 p.m. for Absentee and Early Voting.

- November 3 (Monday) = Deadline to receive absentee by electronic transmission ballot applications.

- November 4 (Tuesday) = GENERAL ELECTION DAY. Polls open from 7a.m. - 8p.m. Deadline for by-mail ballots to be postmarked. Deadline for electronic transmission ballots to be received.

- November 14 (Friday) = Deadline to receive by-mail ballots mailed from within the U.S.

- November 19 (Wednesday) = Deadline to receive by-mail ballots mailed from overseas addresses.

3. Arizona (AZ) Voter Registration Deadlines

-Arizona Secretary of State Ken Bennett’s telephone: (602) 542-8683

- October 6 (Monday) = Registration closes at midnight.

- October 9 (Thursday) = Early Voting Begins

- November 4 (Tuesday) = Must cast ballot at polling place before 7PM; Voter Outreach Coordinator (602) 364-4700

-Also November 4 (Tuesday) = 7PM deadline for UOCAVA voter registration and ballot request. An out-of-county military or overseas voter must fill out the Federal Postcard Application (FPCA). This serves as both the voter registration and as a standing early ballot request form (e.g. automatically send an early ballot to you for any election you qualify to participate in). When completing the FPCA form, please designate the period for which your out-of-county address is valid. The standing early ballot request period can be selected for a period of one (1) year, up to a maximum of four (4) years.

Once the military or overseas voter has completed the FPCA, it may be mailed, emailed or faxed back to the appropriate County Recorder, or to the Secretary of State's office.

If this is a new registration, your printed application must be returned with proper proof of citizenship.

(If you have not completed the FPCA form, please use the FPCA button below to complete an electronic copy or select the “Download Blank FPCA” link to complete and print a PDF copy.)

4. Arkansas (AR) Voter Registration Deadlines 

-Arkansas Secretary of State Mark Martin’s telephone: (501) 682-1010

-October 20, 2014 (Monday)

15 DAYS PRIOR TO THE GENERAL ELECTION

Early voting begins for the General Election between the hours of 8:00 a.m. and 6:00 p.m., Monday through Friday, and 10:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m. on Saturday. Early voting ends at 5:00 pm on the Monday prior to the election (October 27, 2014).

-October 28, 2014 (Tuesday)

7 DAYS PRIOR TO THE GENERAL ELECTION

Deadline for the county clerk to receive absentee ballot applications by mail, fax or electronic mail for the General Election.

-October 31, 2014 (Friday)

4 DAYS PRIOR TO THE GENERAL ELECTION

Deadline for the county clerk to receive county-to-county transfers of registered voters.

- November 3, 2014 (Monday)

1 DAY PRIOR TO THE GENERAL ELECTION

Last day for voters to participate in early voting. Early voting closes at 5:00 p.m. on the Monday before the election (November 3, 2014).

Deadline for county clerk to receive applications for absentee ballots for the General Election from the voter, designated bearer, or administrator is no later than the close of regular business hours on the day before the election.

Deadline for the voter to personally deliver absentee ballots to the county clerk is no later than the close of regular business hours on the day before the election.

- NOVEMBER 4, 2014 (Tuesday)

General Election 

Nonpartisan Runoff Election 

Deadline to apply to register to vote – Sunday, October 5, 2014 (Actual deadline is Monday, October 6, 2014) 

- Also November 4, 2014 (Tuesday) = GENERAL ELECTION DAY. Polls open 7:30 a.m. to 7:30 p.m.

5. California (CA) Voter Registration Deadlines 

- California Secretary of State Debra Bowen’s telephone: (800) 345-VOTE (8683)

- October 20, 2014 (Monday) = Voter registration must be postmarked or submitted electronically by now.

- September 5, 2014 (Friday) = Military or Overseas Voter Ballot Applications

First day county elections official may process applications for military or overseas voter ballots. Any applications received by the county elections official prior to this day shall be kept and processed on or after this date. If the applicant is not a resident of the county to which he or she has applied, the elections official receiving the application shall forward it immediately to the proper county.

NOTE: A request for a vote-by-mail ballot from a military or overseas voter will be deemed an affidavit of registration and an application for permanent vote-by-mail status.

- September 25, 2014 (Thursday) – October 14, 2014 (Tuesday) = State Voter Information Guide Mailings 

Period in which the Secretary of State shall mail state Voter Information Guides to all households in which voters were registered by Friday, September 5, 2014. This mailing is based on the voter registration files provided by county elections officials to the Secretary of State by Saturday, September 15, 2014. 

In those counties in which such data processing equipment is not used, the county elections official shall mail the state Voter Information Guides to all voters registered by September 5, 2014 (Friday).

- October 20, 2014 (Monday) = Close of Registration for General Election

(Last day to register to vote in the general election.) The Voter Registration Form shall be mailed (postmarked by this date) or delivered to the county elections official by this date and is effective upon receipt. The Voter Registration Form may also be submitted by this date to the Department of Motor Vehicles or any National Voter Registration Act designated agency.

(Last day for military or overseas voters to register to vote and request a vote-by-mail voter ballot and to send it to the county elections official.)

NOTE: A request for a vote-by-mail ballot from a military or overseas voter will be deemed an affidavit of registration and an application for permanent vote-by-mail status. When a county elections official receives and approves a registration application from a military or overseas voter, the official must provide that voter with a vote-by-mail ballot for each subsequent election for federal office in the state unless the voter fails to vote in four consecutive statewide general elections.

- Also October 20 (Friday) = Notice of Change of Address Within County

Last day before the primary election for any voter to send a notice or letter advising the county elections official of a change of address within the county. The notice or letter shall be mailed (postmarked by this date) or delivered to the county elections official by this date and is effective upon receipt. The notice or letter may also be submitted to the Department of Motor Vehicles or any National Voter Registration Act designated agency prior to the election. The county elections official shall correct the registration records accordingly. The notice or letter is in lieu of re-registering.

- October 21 (Saturday) = Bilingual Precinct Board Members

Last day for county elections officials to prepare a list of precincts to which bilingual officers were appointed. A copy of this list shall be made available to the public. 

- October 21 (Saturday) – November 4 (Tuesday) = New Citizen Registration Period

A new citizen is eligible to register and vote at the office of, or at another location designated by, the county elections official at any time beginning on October 21, 2014 and ending at the close of polls on November 4, 2014.

A new citizen registering to vote after the close of registration shall provide the county elections official with proof of citizenship prior to voting and shall declare that he or she has established residency in California.

The ballots of new citizens shall be received and canvassed at the same time and under the same procedure as vote-by-mail ballots.

- October 28 (Tuesday) = Vote-By-Mail Ballot Application

(Last day for the county elections official to receive any voter's application for a vote-by-mail ballot and to issue such ballot for the general election.)

- October 29 (Wednesday) – November 3 (Monday) = Military or Overseas Voter — Recalled to Military Service

A registered military of overseas voter recalled to service after October 28, 2014, but before 5:00 p.m. on November 3, 2014, may appear before the county elections official in the county in which the military or overseas voter is registered or, if within the state, in the county in which he or she is recalled to service and apply for a vote-by-mail ballot which may be transmitted to the voter by facsimile, email, or online transmission if the elections official makes the transmission option available.

The vote-by-mail ballot may be voted in, or outside, the elections official's office on or before the close of the polls on Election Day and returned as are other vote-by-mail ballots. To be counted, the ballot must be returned to the elections official's office in person, by facsimile transmission, or by an authorized person on or before the close of the polls on Election Day.

If the military or overseas voter appears in the county in which he or she is recalled to service, rather than the county to which he or she is registered, the elections official shall coordinate with the elections official in the county in which the military or overseas voter is registered to provide the ballot that contains the appropriate measures and races for the precinct in which the military or overseas voter is registered.

- October 29 (Wednesday) – November 4 (Tuesday) = Request for Vote-By-Mail Ballots — Late Conditions

Period in which any voter may apply in writing for a vote-by-mail ballot if, because of specific conditions, he or she will be unable to go to the polls on Election Day. A written statement is not necessary if the vote-by-mail ballot is voted in the office of the elections official at the time of the request. The voter may designate any authorized representative to return the voted vote-by-mail ballot.

- November 3 (Monday) = Military or Overseas Voter — Recalled to Military Service

Last day a registered military or overseas voter recalled to service after October 28, 2014 but before 5:00 p.m. on November 3, 2014, may obtain from the county elections official a vote-by-mail ballot which can be voted in or outside the county elections official's office on or before the close of the polls on Election Day and returned in the same manner as other voted vote-by-mail ballots. To be counted, the ballot shall be returned to the elections official's office in person, by facsimile transmission, or by an authorized person on or before the close of the polls on Election Day.

- November 4 (Tuesday) = General Election Day

On this date, the polls shall be open throughout the state from 7:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m.

Voters who have moved from one address to another within the same county and have not reregistered may vote a provisional ballot at the polling place for their current (new) address at the office of the county elections official or at a central location designated by that elections official.

Military or Overseas Voters

Last day an unregistered military or overseas voter who was released from service after October 20, 2014, the close of registration, and who has returned to his or her county of residence may apply in person to register with the county elections official and vote in the election. Documentary proof of release from service is required. On or before the day of the election the county elections official shall deliver to the precinct board a list of military or overseas voters registered.

Any registered military or overseas voter who has returned to their county of registration on or before this day and to whom a vote-by-mail ballot has been mailed but not voted may apply for a second vote-by-mail ballot. The elections official shall require him or her to sign an authorization to cancel the vote-by-mail ballot previously issued and shall then issue another vote-by-mail ballot to the voter or certify to the precinct board that the voter is eligible to vote in the precinct polling place of his or her residence.

Last day a military or overseas voter who returns to the county after October 28, 2014

may appear before the county elections official and make application for registration, a vote-by-mail ballot, or both. The county elections official shall register the voter, if not registered, and shall deliver a vote-by-mail ballot, which may be voted in, or outside, the county elections official's office on or before the close of the polls on Election Day and returned as are other voted vote-by-mail ballots.

Vote-By-Mail Ballots returned in order to be counted

Vote-by-mail ballots shall be received by 8:00 p.m. on Election Day at any polling place in the county where the voter is registered or at the office of the elections official.

Last day a military or overseas voter who is living outside of the United States (or is called for military service within the United States on or after October 28, 2014) may return his or her ballot by facsimile transmission. To be counted, the ballot returned by facsimile transmission shall be received by the voter's elections official by 8:00 p.m. on Election Day and shall be accompanied by an identification envelope and a signed oath of declaration.

Request for Vote-By-Mail Ballots — Late Conditions

Last day any voter may request in writing a vote-by-mail ballot because of specified conditions resulting in his or her absence from the polling place or precinct on Election Day.

Vote-By-Mail Ballot Application for Out-Of-State Emergency Workers

Last day upon the declaration of an out-of-state emergency by the Governor and the issuance of an executive order authorizing an out-of-state emergency worker to cast a ballot outside of his or her home precinct, an out-of-state emergency worker may request and vote a vote-by-mail ballot, which must be delivered to the elections official by mail or by hand, on or before the close of polls on Election Day.

New Citizen Registration Period — Last Day

Last day a new citizen registering to vote after the close of registration can provide the county elections official with proof of citizenship prior to voting and declare that he or she has established residency in California.

The ballots of new citizens shall be received and canvassed at the same time and under the same procedure as vote-by-mail ballots.

6. Colorado (CO) Voter Registration Deadlines

- Colorado Secretary of State Scott Gessler’s telephone: (855) 428-3555

- September 20 (Saturday) = Last day to transmit ballots and ballot materials to overseas military voters. (No later than 45 days before the election)

- October 14 (Tuesday) = First day that mail ballots may be mailed to voters, except for UOCAVA voters. (Not sooner than 22 days before the General Election)

-Also October 14 (Tuesday) = Last day to submit an application to register to vote through a voter registration drive. (No later than 22 days before the election)

- October 20 (Monday) – November 4 (Tuesday) = The minimum number of required voter service and polling centers must be open for the General Election (beginning at least 15 days before and on election day, except Sundays)

-October 27 (Monday) = Last day for an individual to submit a voter registration application and still receive a ballot in the mail (through the 8th day before an election).

If the county clerk receives a voter registration application within the 8 days before the election, the clerk must process the application and inform the applicant that he or she will not receive a mail ballot. To receive a ballot, the applicant must visit a Voter Service and Polling Center.

- October 28 (Tuesday) = Last day to file an absentee ballot application to receive the absentee ballot by mail. (No later than the close of business on the 7th day before the election)

- October 31 (Friday) = Last day to request an in-person absentee ballot. (Before the close of business on the Friday immediately preceding the election)

- November 4 (Tuesday) = General Election (Polls open 7:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m.)

Ballots cast by military and overseas voters must be sent no later than 7:00 p.m. MT and received by the close of business on the 8th day after the election.

- November 12 (Wednesday) = Last day for ballots cast by military and overseas electors to be received by the county clerk in order to be counted. (No later than the 8th day after Election Day)

Also: Last day for elector to cure signature discrepancy or missing signature, or to provide missing ID for mail and provisional ballot to be counted. (within 8 days after Election Day)

7. Connecticut (CT) Voter Registration Deadlines 

-Connecticut Secretary of the State Denise W. Merrill’s telephone: (860) 509-6200

-November 4, 2014 (Tuesday) General Election (6:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m.)

Voters are recognized in the election services calendar as “Electors” as in the following guideline concerning waiting in line on Election Day: “Electors in line by 8:00 p.m. permitted to vote.

OVERSEAS BALLOTS. Overseas ballots may be issued up to the close of the polls. However, the Town Clerk must receive Overseas Ballots by close of the polls on Election Day in order to be cast.

ABSENTEE BALLOTS. In order to be cast at an election, the absentee ballot must be received by the town clerk (1) by the close of the polls if it is mailed or if it is returned by a member of the immediate family of the applicant in person or by the qualified designee of an ill or physically disabled ballot applicant in person, or (2) by the day before the election if it is returned in person by the applicant.

ABSENTEE BALLOTS. Absentee ballots are to be delivered to the registrars of voters between 10:00 a.m. and 12:00 noon, at 6:00 p.m. (optional), and again, immediately after the close of the polls. Those ballots that are timely received after 11:00 a.m. of the last weekday before Election Day are to be delivered to the registrars of voters at 6:00 p.m. and/or 8:00 p.m. In municipalities that have central counting of absentee ballots, at close of polls, registrars or assistant registrars shall deliver official checklist to central counting moderator. When counting of absentee ballots is complete, central counting moderator delivers check list, duplicate check list and returns required by Sec. 9-150b to head moderator. Absentee ballots may be delivered at other times that are mutually agreed upon by the town clerk and registrars provided such time is not later than the close of the polls.

ELECTION DAY REGISTRATION: Registrars of voters must designate a location for completing and processing EDR applications. The location must be one where registrars can access the statewide CVRS. No individual can be within 75 feet of the entrance to the EDR location or in any hallway or other approach to it to solicit support for, or opposition to, a candidate or ballot question. Registrars may appoint election officials to serve at the designated location. Individuals may register and vote in person on Election Day if they meet the eligibility requirements for voting in this state and are (1) not already an elector or (2) registered in one municipality but want to change their registration because they currently reside in another municipality. By law, a person is eligible to register and vote if they are (1) a U. S. citizen, (2) age 18 or older, and (3) a bona fide resident of the municipality in which they apply for admission as an elector.

8. Delaware (DE) Voter Registration Deadlines

- Office of the State Election Commissioner Elaine Manlove’s telephone: (302) 739-4277

- October 11, 2014 (Saturday) = DEADLINE for Delaware citizens, who are not registered to vote, to register before the General Election.

- October 20, 2014 (Monday) = DEADLINE for Uniformed and Overseas Citizens to register to vote before the General Election.

- 12PM (NOON) November 3, 2014 = The last time that the Departments of Elections can issue an absentee ballot for the General Election.

- November 4 (Tuesday) = General Election: Polls open from 7:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m.

- 8PM November 4 (Tuesday) = DEADLINE for voters to return voted absentee ballots for the General Election to the respective Department of Elections.

9. Florida (FL) Voter Registration Deadlines 

- Florida Secretary of State Ken Detzner’s telephone: (850) 245-6500

- 2014 Absentee Ballot ‘Send’ Deadline

For absent stateside and overseas uniformed and civilian voters (“UOCAVA voters”)(45 day deadline before election): General Election: September 20, 2014 (Saturday).

For domestic voters (7-day mailing window): General Election: September 30 (Tuesday) – October 7, 2014 (Tuesday).

- 2014 Early Voting Period (minimum mandatory 8 days beginning on the 10th day and ending on the 3rd day before election day)*

General Election: October 25, 2014 (Saturday) – November 1, 2014 (Saturday)

*Each county Supervisor of Elections may at his or her own discretion offer additional days of early voting on any or all days during the 15th through 11th day and the last Sunday before Election Day.

- 2014 Voter Registration Deadline for General Election: October 6, 2014 (Monday)

10. Georgia (GA) Voter Registration Deadlines

-  Georgia Secretary of State Brian Kemp’s telephone: (404) 656-2881

- General Election (to fill vacancies and propose questions) Voter Registration Deadline = October 6, 2014 (Monday). 

- When the last day for the exercise of any privilege or the discharge of any duty prescribed or required by this chapter shall fall on a Saturday, Sunday, or legal holiday, the next succeeding business day shall be the last day for the exercise of such privilege or the discharge of such duty.

You are not required to provide identification when you vote absentee by mail.

- WHAT IDS ARE ACCEPTABLE?

Any valid state or federal government issued photo ID, including a FREE Voter ID Card issued by your county registrar's office or the Georgia Department of Driver Services (DDS) 

A Georgia Driver's License, even if expired

Valid employee photo ID from any branch, department, agency, or entity of the U.S. Government, Georgia, or any county, municipality, board, authority or other entity of this state

Valid U.S. passport ID

Valid U.S. military photo ID

Valid tribal photo ID

Bring one of these six forms of identification to vote.

- GEORGIA'S VOTER IDENTIFICATION CARD

If you do not have one of the six acceptable forms of photo ID, the State of Georgia offers a FREE Voter Identification Card. An identification card can be issued at any county registrar's office or Department of Driver Services Office free of charge.

To receive a voter identification card, the voter must provide:

A photo identity document or approved non-photo identity document that includes full legal name and date of birth

Documentation showing the voter's date of birth

Evidence that the applicant is a registered voter

Documentation showing the applicant's name and residential address

- Provisional Ballots

Provisional voting allows you to cast a ballot in person even if all the requirements for doing so cannot be met at the time. The provisional ballot will count if the problem is solved within three days after Election Day.

The three reasons for voting a provisional ballot are: 

1. You are unable to show one of the required forms of photo ID when you vote in person; 

2. When you first registered to vote in Georgia, you registered by mail, did not provide any identification at that time, and are unable to present acceptable identification the first time you vote in person; or

3. Your name does not appear on the list of registered voters in the precinct.

If you vote a provisional ballot because you did not have acceptable identification, you will have three days from the close of the polls to present acceptable identification to your county registrar office for your vote to count. f you voted a provisional ballot because your name did not appear on the list of registered voters in the precinct, the county registrar has up to three days after the election to determine if you were properly registered to vote in that election. If you were, your vote will count. If you were not eligible to vote in that election, your vote will not be counted, and you will be notified in writing. If you were eligible to vote but voted in the wrong precinct, only the votes for candidates for which you were entitled to vote will be counted, and you will be notified in writing that your ballot was partially counted for your correct precinct.

In federal elections only, if the polling place is kept open after 7:00 PM because of a court order, anyone arriving after 7:00 PM will vote by provisional ballot. If you are eligible to vote and the order stands, your vote will be counted.

- Absentee/Advanced Voting

You may vote even if you cannot go to the polls on Election Day by voting by mail or in-person during the advanced voting period.

Vote By Mail: 

Voters can request an absentee ballot 180 days before an election without providing a reason. To vote by mail, send or bring a written request to your county registrar’s office that includes your name, address, signature, and the election for which you are requesting an absentee ballot. You can also go online at www.sos.ga.gov/elections, print and complete the application, and return it to your county registrar’s office. The county registrar’s office will mail your ballot after the application is approved and ballots are available. Your county registrar must receive your absentee ballots by the close of business on Election Day. Voters are not required to provide photo identification when voting by mail.

Vote Early in Person: 

Voters may vote at early voting locations beginning the 4th Monday prior to the election. Voters are not required to provide a reason for voting early. When casting your vote in person, you must present an appropriate photo ID. Please contact your county registrar’s office for early voting times and locations in your county.

- UOCAVA FORMS AND INSTRUCTIONS

Voter Registration and Absentee Ballot Request

The Federal Post Card Application (FPCA) registers you to vote and requests absentee ballots for all primaries, runoffs, and general elections involving Federal candidates, and any other elections for which you are eligible, for a period extending through the next regularly scheduled general election of November 6, 2012.  Even if you are already registered to vote, you should use the FPCA to request absentee ballots. 

Please use one of the following options to obtain your FPCA.  You must complete, sign, and submit the form to your county registrar office  via email (attachment), fax, or U.S. mail.

- RUNOFF BALLOTS

The Georgia Secretary of State provides a special absentee ballot, called the Statewide Write-in Absentee Ballot (SWAB) for eligible UOCAVA voters to use in the event of a runoff election. If an absentee ballot was requested for the primary or election, the voter will automatically be sent the necessary SWAB voting materials for a runoff. 

- EMERGENCY BALLOTS

The Federal Write-In Absentee Ballot is an emergency blank ballot that should only be used in the event a UOCAVA voter does not receive a properly requested absentee ballot and/or SWAB. Submission deadlines are the same as other ballots.

Man! Dude! Session #296

(D)ude: Man! The midterm elections are Tuesday, November 4, 2014 and the Republican Party is trying to place the blame on the President of the United States domestically and the American Media has decided to go along with the Republican Party’s similar propaganda against Secretary of State John Kerry’s efforts abroad. The Republican GOP’s website emphasizes being militarily ready and adaptable to quote unquote “the unpredictable range of challenges in the years ahead” but I think the truth is that middle and working classers in the United States, and especially those of us facing poverty, cannot be misled into believing the Republican Tea GOP’s propaganda about President Obama and Secretary Kerry doing nothing for US. In fact, Americans need to come to the understanding and realization that the Republican GOP is planning to sever the Federal Government in the name of quote unquote “free-market economy” and that disenfranchised Americans like us will have to submit to charities for basic assistance. And we all know how ineffective charities were when Hurricane Katrina hit the United States during the years of George Walker Bush.       

(M)an: Dude! Barbara Bush called the American victims of Hurricane Katrina refugees and looked upon them with icy sympathy. American voters have to register to vote ASAP for Election Day Tuesday, November 4, 2014, or risk losing their freedoms if the Republican Party manages to get control of the House of Representatives and the United States Senate and basically dissolves the Federal Government in favor of individual states having the authority to self-govern as they see fit. And remember, Governor Scott Walker and Representative Paul Ryan in Wisconsin have already clarified their intensions to reduce the scope of quote unquote “state expenditures” and that’s just a really fancy way of basically telling Wisconsinites that they’re basically out in the cold and have to find their own ways and means of surviving through the private sector, which is another way of telling those of us struggling day-by-day to surrender our self-respect and beg for the mercy of job creators like Mitt Romney and Alice Walton who are of that mercilessness which Charles Dickens and Victor Hugo could not have fathomed.           

D: Man! American Voters must register to vote beginning immediately and an excellent starting place for information is online at the website for the United States Election Assistance Commission, specifically its “Contact Your State” link that guides you to an interactive map of the United States from where you are redirected to your state’s election office. But the coolest feature of all is a link above the map of the United States on the EAC website that reads “Quick State Election Info Cheat Sheet” dating back two years. I tried to come up with a 2014 version of this cheat sheet by Jessica Myers.       

M: Dude! What are UOCAVA voters? The acronym isn’t defined anywhere on your cheat sheet. Did you just cut and paste the information provided by the Secretaries of State and/or Division of Elections in Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, and Georgia?

D: Man! Yeah. You’ve got to be quite patient and, quite frankly, a higher up intellectual in order to make sense of the convoluted language that has been deliberately placed in order to intimidate average folks like us who didn’t get the opportunity to indulge in the pedantic fussiness of college. UOCAVA stands for the Uniformed and Overseas Citizens

Absentee Voting Act, which, alongside MOVE or the Military and Overseas Voter Empowerment Act, mandate all 50 states to send absentee ballots to UOCAVA citizens at least 45 days before Federal Elections. According to the Federal Voting Assistance Program, or www.fvap.gov, UOCAVA citizens are U.S. citizens who are active members of the Uniformed Services the Merchant Marine, and the commissioned corps of the Public Health Service and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, their eligible family members and U.S. citizens residing outside the United States.     

M: Dude! Have you read about the Koch Brothers recently gifting the United Negro College Fund twenty-five million dollars?

D: Man! Even more reason to be concerned for the fate of the federal government! The federal government of the United States of America needs voters to register in order to cast their ballots against its erasure- the federal government’s and the middle and working classers and especially those of US facing poverty.

M: Dude! According to The Associated Press’s Jesse Washington, historically black colleges and universities have educated a large percentage of black America. Today, the schools are facing unprecedented challenges: decreases in government funding, tougher parent loan eligibility, and the threat of losing even more federal aid.

D: Man! We’ve got to get all souls to the polls ASAP, like making arrangements right now and not believe the lies with which the Republican Tea GOP congressmen and congresswomen are trying to discourage US from turning up to vote on Tuesday, November 4, 2014. We can take back the nights of hardships we’ve suffered under the rule of the elitists like the Koch Brothers since their gerrymandering their own floundering supremacist puppets into power in 2010.

Happy Birthday