Man! Dude! Session #155

(M)an: Dude! Plaza Towers Elementary School’s kindergarteners and first through third graders might not have been evacuated in time!

(D)ude: Man! Your Aunt Lola lives in Moore, Oklahoma!

M: Dude! She’s okay, but her house has been destroyed and the latest is that Plaza Towers Elementary School had students clinging to the walls or their teachers as protective human shields against the horrendous storm.

D: Man! There had been tornado alerts in effect since last Tuesday. Did Aunt Lola take refuge somewhere else?

M: Dude! Apparently, she has been staying with friends elsewhere. But that’s after having learned in the most unfathomable way what severe wreckage results when you’re in the eye of the storm: Aunt Lola and four others survived the harrowing 1999 tornado touchdown because of the presence of a five thousand dollar storm shelter that her friends at that time had constructed underneath their home.

D: Man! That’s smart thinking! I am very disappointed in Google right now. With all the technology they have amassed and those Google glasses coming to a select few sooner and the rest of a select group of society later, you would think they’d come up with a motion sensor device that would be available free to all precincts and fire departments around the world.

M: Dude! I’m upset with Google Glasses too! How many lives could be saved if the harrowing efforts of the first responders and volunteers right this minute could be better enhanced for far more efficient rescuing via technology?

D: Man! There should be a device and mechanism to detect survivors in rubbles who are crying their last breaths in Moore, Oklahoman remains as we probably speak!

M: Dude! The GOP is probably relishing in the disaster as it is unfolding, thinking they can link President Obama to what is unfolding across the Great Plains region of the United States. Oklahoman Governor Mary Fallin and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie are the worst people to handle such crises, as we saw with Hurricane Sandy, Republicans who are just invested in their personal welfare, and crooning away about being able to balance their states’ budgets.

D: Man! Isn’t that something? Balancing state budgets annually is a must for every governor!

M: Dude! The public schools of Oklahoma should have been equipped with fully functioning storm shelters underground on then-Republican Governor Frank Keating’s watch before the 1999 storm hit.

D: Man! The Republican Party is against any ounce of preventative measures and does not care! They pride themselves as conservatives, but I see the present-day Republican Party as criminally filibustering on issues that forsake our fellow Americans’ lives.

M: Dude! The Oklahoman legislators should be ashamed for not bunkering their public schools at least no later than after the 1999 twister!

D: Man! If the United States Congress is choosing actively to not fund environmentally oriented investments in energy advancements and not accepting the fact that humanity’s primarily responsible for the climate changes that have started unraveling faster and faster as the years progress, at least they can equip Americans in harm’s way.

M: Dude! Even Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s Israel is equipped with proper bunkers underneath buildings inside neighborhoods that are targeted relentlessly by air attacks.

D: Man! That’s something to consider, indeed!

M: Dude! John Boehner and Eric Cantor are going to join the Republican carolers soon to amass a media storm over their argument that states be given the right of way to solve their problems independent of the federal government. 

D: Man! Eric Cantor and Paul Ryan love to chime on and on about the private sector’s charities being given the chance to become the sole providers for relief of the electorate’s sufferings.

M: Dude! Job creators must have their monies protected at all costs, including the lives of constituents! That’s the underlying basis for the self-described arrogant Paul Ryan.

D: Man! Paul Ryan thinks that way about the Obama Administration, not himself!

M: Dude! Republican Party kooks like Paul Ryan and Michelle Bachman are quite revelatory about their undemocratic selfish principles.

D: Man! So when Paul Ryan called the Obama Administration arrogant, it was just a hiccup that just leapt inversely from his mouth?

M: Dude! Yeah! And all of the Minnesotan constituents in Michelle Bachman’s congressional district 6 are totally unaware of her tendency to hiccup pretended concerns of theirs to the media in Washington, DC, like impeaching the president and simmering a Glen Echo Country Club’s Minnesota Wild Rice Soup or baking a Minnesota Blueberry Dump Cake.

D: Man! I think Michelle Bachman is wild and dumpy like her Republican colleagues. They have this inherent wild and dumpy stare. It’s like looking right inside a void of pure self-indulgent flagitiousness. They particularly like to hear themselves as impassioned patriots on the House Floor, although there is absolutely nonsense spewing forth, like Faux News is the only television news channel in the world and the GOP squealers will have their voices muted out and replaced by commentary from Sean Hannity et al.

M: Dude! John Dorothy Boehner and Eric Toto Cantor are going to be making decisions that will be anything but conducive, deliberately and criminally obstructionist as always. They will find another Heritage Foundation study and whine about projections of doom and finding some conclusiveness via Jim DeMint that having victims of storms watch The Wizard of Oz is very conducive to rebuilding lives, as Paul Ryan has just submitted such a thesis with Harvard University’s Graduate School of Arts and Sciences.

Man! Dude! Session #154

(D)ude: Man! When American organized laborers suffer, violence and stress and unrest kill middle class structuring and society is fractured by the severity of that backward movement that is enhanced shamefully by the legislative conservative special interests in the United States Congress.

(M)an: Dude! The American electorate majority does not rule legislative efforts and outcomes that are affecting their day-to-day existence because of the Republican Party’s implementation of undemocratic redistricting practices at the state and local levels of United States government.

D: Man! Republican gerrymandering and the Republican filibustering and the Republican opposition to the Affordable Care Act have an overarching connection, but I cannot figure out what the Republican Party is trying to achieve in the short term and the long term.  

M: Dude! It’s the shortest long-term plan! The GOP is essentially confident that they have already gerrymandered enough to secure not just the House of Representatives in 2014, but the United States Senate as well. Imagine the potential of a Republican-run United States Congress.

D: Man! And paying particular attention to the pattern of repealing the Affordable Care Act 

continuously, I suspect that if they do seize both houses of Congress, the Republicans will dismantle at a far more rapid rate the progressive achievements and forward momentum planning and middle class preservation implementations of the Obama Administration.

M: Dude! If and when the Republicans gain control of both houses of the United States Congress, they will repeal the Affordable Care Act as a way to distract from their underlying objective to deregulate and derail democracy and implement a coarse action plan giving employers total control over their employees healthcare, hence, their most intimate personal details while abolishing HIPPA, the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996 that is enforced by the Office for Civil Rights and protects patient identity and safety.

D: Man! There will probably be stipulations set into place whereby employers and corporations can terminate employment on the basis of potential or existing employees speaking up and demanding healthcare coverage.

M: Dude! Then the Republican Party-dominated Congress will utilize the verdict in the Citizens United versus the Federal Election Commission to argue that employers and corporations have the same unalienable rights as constituents. And, get this, the Supreme Court did not lift the ban on direct campaign contributions from corporations or unions to candidates running for federal offices. 

D: Man! No wonder the Republican Party is currently blocking President Obama from making recess appointments to the National Labor Relations Board! The GOP want the NLRB to fade into obscurity to make sure American Workers are not guaranteed protection from employer and corporate abuse and fraud.

M: Dude! The Wall Street Journal declared the National Labor Relations Board quote unquote doubly illegal. But, then again, what can you expect of a news source that employs Peggy Noonan as a columnist. Did you see Noonan address the panelists on Meet The Press?

D: Man! She swayed right and then left physically and evangelically with the most dramatic eyes I’ve seen since the Hitchcock classics while steadfastly sticking to her Republican pitch. She was to Meet The Press what George Will was to This Week with George Stephanopoulos: Did you see Will address the panelists on This Week?

M: Dude! Both Peggy Noonan and George Will are much celebrated at the George W. Bush Presidential Library. I picked up some designer fly swatters with their mugs and some designer mugs with phizogs of the George W.-Cheney-Rice-Rumsfeld years and earlier.

D: Man! George Will revealed a sinister smile at one point on This Week, prompting a chill down my spine very similar to the time I watched the last forty minutes of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I still cannot get the sound and image of that female survivor of such horrific abuse laughing hysterically in the back of a pickup truck in the very last shot of the seventies original.

M: Dude! I couldn't stomach the terrifying scenes, much less the last forty minutes of that Texas horror flick.

D: Man! Yesterday, The Wall Street Journal declared that, I’ve got the article right here next to the toaster. I think it was an opinion piece by Pew Research Center’s Andrew Kohut who declared that there was not a disparity between races in incidences of voter turnout, that there were higher number of African American voters than White voters in historically Confederate states.

M: Dude! Let me see that! Those who want the Supreme Court to overturn the Voting Rights Act's pre-clearance requirements can point to these surveys to show that the racial gap in voting has dramatically diminished, and has arguably disappeared. The legislation has accomplished its objective of ending racial discrimination in voting and is no longer needed. But those who oppose change can counter that it is unwise to change laws that have made such important difference in the workings of democracy.

D: Man! What are you thinking? You look like you’ve just been forced to digest the House Ways and 

Means Committee’s entire manuscript in which they drilled the outgoing IRS chief Steven Miller.

M: Dude! I think I either had an existential tasting of that beet salad at the White House Correspondence Dinner or, far worse, a whiff of Boustany.

D: Man! Boustany? Is that the inverse of a floral bouquet?

M: Dude! Boustany is an olfactory nerve hazard of a dangerous snort!

D: Man! Do you think I have caught a whiff of Boustany? My nose is beginning to tingle! Wait! I think I’m losing my ability to smell! Quickly, pop me a bag of microwavable popcorn! What would I do without you? Man!

Man! Dude! Session #153

(M)an: Dude! Would you like me to share some recommendations that I know you’ll enjoy discovering?

(D)ude: Man! You still haven’t provided any literary solace! I need some escapist literature to help me gain some perspective after having lost so much brainpower with those lousy selections I made recently.

M: Dude! I got the perfect set of four destined-to-become or destined-to-remain classics. They all share a commonality in that their authors are able to say so much more within the realm of decency and conversational ease that your going to mourn when you reach the end of each one of these literary journeys.

D: Man! Okay! Begin listing!

M: Dude! So, the first on my list of must reads is The John Lennon Letters compiled and edited by Hunter Davies, a trusted friend of John Lennon’s and Yoko Ono. Although the book debuted this past fall, it is even more riveting then Living in the Material World, which chronicles the highlights of George Harrison’s life.

D: Man! Does Hunter Davies’ take on Lennon’s life have a similar intimacy?

M: Dude! Hunter Davies actually tracked down the persons John Lennon wrote to, which, by the way, was quite difficult given John Lennon’s habit of responding personally to almost every correspondence he received, including fan mail. The same cannot be said of Lennon’s band mates.

D: Man! I’ve got to get my hands on a copy fast! You said it came out last fall. That’s sufficient time past for me to probably come across a copy at a used books store. 

M: Dude! I secured a copy at the library, but it’s due tomorrow. I’ve checked it twice already, but you’re more than welcome to peruse all the books on the dining room table. They’re all due soon, so I would start relatively quickly if I were you.

D: Man! Thanks a lot! You could have at least shared that tidbit yesterday! I could have juggled some reading with the multitasking I had undertaken then.

M: Dude! There’s today! Why not start right now, this very minute?

D: Man! Are you patronizing me? If you are, you’re doing just as terribly as the Congressional Republicans have been dodging criticism and derision for having whacked the daylights out of deficit talks, only to turn the other way when the GDP has dropped significantly on President Obama’s watch in recent bipartisan analyses.

M: Dude! The Republicans are physical deficits themselves! There is an IQ imparity inside the GOP, so it seems, but we must remember Darrell Issa’s recent bombast that he had way more than enough money and that his son could easily cock-a-doodle-doo as well as subsequent generations of, presumably, Issa men.

D: Man! Darrell Issa and Jeb Bush live in a bubble that will burst with gasconade. Reminds me of how Aristotle Onassis pleaded that he would trade all his fortune to have his son with him again, having perished tragically, dying in an automobile crash.

M: Dude! That is really surprising that you are mentioning the tragic death of Onassis’ son, because my next book recommendation comes from the guy who helped Paul Newman survive through the aftermath of his son’s drug overdose. The two men collaborated on the now-famously distributed brand Newman’s Own.

D: Man! Who is Paul Newman’s trusted friend?

M: Dude! O.J. in the Morning, G & T at Night is a masterfully constructed series of humorous essays by A.E. Hotchner covering the ups and downs of old age, but always exceeding propriety. Hotch, as he is known to friends and family, takes care to be just a distance away from one’s owning up to one’s faults and interpretations.

D: Man! And what about the book in your hand at the moment?

M: Dude! Hotch reminds me of author Dale Carnegie, specifically his endearing classic How to Win Friends & Influence People. Carnegie has tenacity that suggests that he would not keep a low profile if he heard the Congressional Republicans and their hidden Democratic allies harping away at the deficit!

D: Man! And now marinating the triple threat of the Benghazi-IRS-AP scandals hoping that may just keep them away from having to confront the pertinent issues of job growth, investments and a move away from corporate welfare, and consideration for 1 out every 52 Americans who are dependent on government food assistance.

M: Dude! Don’t forget immigration reform!

D: Man! Welcome to the Republican Party’s Divided States of America! There is a state of sequestration in effect, and projections have been made that the pathway to citizenship will entail a minimum wait time of 13 years approximately.

M: Dude! Don’t forget Chained CPI!

D: Man! If the American electorate does not want to move anywhere towards the spectrum of turning up to the voting booths in record numbers to offset the obstructionist Republican Majority in the House of Representatives, then I’m going to collect innumerable funds and delegate a strategy for the movement towards progress by hiring South Asian Hijras to make appointments with GOP leadership and protest on the fact that they are represented in their communities in India better than the poor in the United States.

M: Dude! You’re going to collect innumerable funds?

D: Man! Have you seen the 2010 careers Barbie dressed up as a computer engineer? It would probably be far more conducive to have John Boehner and Eric Cantor play with Barbie dolls on the congressional floor. Although Boehner and Cantor would make dandy cross-dressers, I would think.

M: Dude! Huh? Hijras are going to be protesting! They are far more elegant and cultured than Michelle Bachman and Sarah Palin!

D: Man! Hijras are humanitarians and do not live with anesthetized consciences like Kelly Ayotte and Marco Rubio!

Man! Dude! Session #152

(D)ude: Man! Give me a couple of recommended books to read. I read two and my heart’s sick.

(M)an: Dude! What two books have got you heartsick?

D: Man! Cheryl Strayed’s Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar  and Jeff Bridges’ collaborative effort with Bernie Glassman entitled The Dude and the Zen Master. The two are highly rated on Amazon and elsewhere, but I cannot get past their intellectual depravity and Tea Party undertones.

M: Dude! What about the two?

D: Man! Do you know how Darrell Issa smiles periodically and always inappropriately?

M: Dude! I cannot figure out how he manages through his illiterate trash talks on national television with those rife half-smiles and smirks that he employs in attempts to derail United States Attorney General Eric Holder and disrespect the fallen in the Benghazi tragedy by employing his sleazy reactions when enunciating the Libyan capital and words like “murder”…  

D: Man! Cheryl Strayed and Jeff Bridges and Bernie Glassman’s words are laced heavily with the same Darrell Issa illiterateness that you masterfully delineated just now. Strayed at one point even chooses to disclose her own sexual abuse as something that she overcame, but, like the Tea Party, I think she is working on her own hang-ups and never cared to pursue a complete writing cycle: Her book reads like a rough draft. Reminds me of Anne Lamott’s shameless rehashing of Steven King’s On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft.

M: Dude! Anne Lamott’s rehashing, entitled Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life, actually won an Audie for its audiobook version.

D: Man! Jeff Bridges and Bernie Glassman are perverted and outright vulgar, like John Boehner and Chris Christie. Jeff Bridges’ words are packed with obscene and mean-spirited innuendos and Bernie Glassman, the so-called Zen Master, succumbs to fulfilling his friend and collaborator’s ribald ugliness.   

M: Dude! Speaker of the House of Representatives John Boehner’s incompetence comes across with such barnyard bawdiness, while Governor Chris Christie is entertaining himself and his family with the Prince of Wales Harry as the survivors of Super Storm Sandy haven’t even been able to begin their lives due to the lack of financial assistance from the Republican Majority in Congress.

D: Man! We need freedom from the American Press and the major Publishing Houses, almost all of who are hiding behind the guise of democracy, when in fact they’re just as guilty of wanting to portray an America struggling because of President Obama. America is struggling in a Republican quagmire.

M: Dude! It takes approximately 25 million dollars weekly to operate the United States Congress. The American Press and the endless continuity of Publishing Houses have not once shared such stats in their behemoth, monopolistic, and regimented culture of exclusiveness in print. If you visit any of the publishing houses’ websites, you will find statements pertaining to how one must find a literary agency beforehand because the publishing houses will not accept unsolicited manuscripts, including queries.

D: Man! United States Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel is coming under fire by New York Senator Kirsten Gillibrand concerning the handling of sexual assault cases in the United States Military. Senator Gillibrand and her colleagues want the issue to be addressed by Congress, but I, like Secretary Hagel, have grave concerns.   

M: Dude! Senator Kirsten Gillibrand wants publicity and showmanship, like the Congressional Republicans. Although Senator Gillibrand is a Democrat, I have reservations about her genuineness.

D: Man! Do you think she’s a GOP placement? I think she is. Her insight is confined by her ego. She reminds me of Republican Representative and House Majority Leader Eric Cantor. She also reminds me of the dramaturgies of Republican Senator and Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. Did you hear his latest attempts to place some conspiracy theories into the press junket about the Democrats conducting sting operations on his wife and he?   

M: Dude! The Republican Party doesn’t care about issues that do not affect their lives personally. The 501c4 is a wonderful idea, just as long as the Democrats do not get their hands on the same kind of power as the GOP Super PACs. Can you sense the underlying egocentricity in the Republican Party’s arguments?

D: Man! I think that Senator Gillibrand is a GOP placement brought to the forefront in confronting the United States Military and bringing it before a scrutiny of unending congressional hearings. The Congressional Republicans and their barnyard bawdiness are repellent. But I think the Congressional Republicans think themselves as entertaining their gerrymandered, hence backward leaning and predominantly White American, constituencies.   

M: Dude! Secretary Hagel is wise and will not allow the Congressional Republicans to absurdly denigrate members of the United States Military. The future of United States democracy rests in the hands of Secretary Hagel. The GOP wants military leadership to be presented before a string of congressional hearings, hoping for the worst.

D: Man! What’s worse than the United States Republican Party?

M: Dude! A United States Military Coup is very probable. Barnyard bawdy billionaires like the Koch brothers and the Walton siblings back the GOP and, lest we forget, Sheldon Adelson, and the Republican Super PACs of husband-and-wife team Karl Rove and Grover Norquist.

D: Man! Husband-and-wife? I think you meant husband-and-husband!

M: Dude! I stand corrected. Thank you.

D: Man! You’re welcome! The Republican Majority in Congress is a hearings fanatic! And their outright arrogance is the direct result of gerrymandering and the Supreme Court’s ruling favoring corporations and deeming political speech as having the same protection and First Amendment right as citizens have to free speech.

M: Dude! The Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act of 2002 was skewed to favor conservatives in so much that its chief sponsors, Arizonan Republican Senator John McCain and Wisconsin Democratic Senator Russ Feingold, collaborated on that piece of legislation, only to have Senator Feingold lose his reelection efforts in 2010 to Tea Party Republican Ron Johnson.

D: Man! Let me get this straight. Senator Russ Feingold, the democratic collaborator with Senator McCain on campaign finance reform legislation in 2002, lost his reelection campaign to Tea Party Republican Ron Johnson in 2010? Senator John McCain, then I’m sure, is doing all this hoopla over immigration reform and straddling between granting amnesty to the millions of Dreamers and their families while making all or some of them leave the United States, for the purposes of just getting over the hurdles of midterms in 2014?

M: Dude! Senator John McCain is a prototype of the millennium Republican: He courted collaborator Russ Feingold, only to make certain that Senator Feingold be at great risk of losing his seat eight years later in the Tea Party rage. Remember that fraternity brother who’s always got your back, or so you believe, only to be duped by that exact same guy over a girl or a grade?

D: Man! They’re so close that you have to wonder if they share a common quasi-medical diagnosis as well as party affiliation?

M: Dude! Yeah! The Republicans are those fraternity brothers who turn their backs on their Democratic counterparts. Senator Kirsten Gillibrand had better watch out with which Republican insiders she’s working on the inside on because she’s going to end up losing her senate reelection campaign as well to a contrasting Republican.

D: Man! You can straddle as much as you like along multiple party lines as a Republican, but not so much as a Democrat lest you lose your next reelection campaign?

M: Dude! It’s a double standard. Just like the barnyard bawdy billionaires that try really hard to erase their unsophisticated roots. Look at Alice Walton and her designer gold trim jogging suits that she chooses to wear publically on one too many an occasion. Did I say that right?

D: Man! I’m not sure. However, I’ve been thinking about those government furloughs and air traffic controllers lately. The Congressional Republicans and their lobbying pals and gerrymandered redistricting schemers are all in for a rude awakening. The GOP thinks that the air can handle their personal jets jaunting all over the globe, but imagine Alice Walton having to cede sharing the private luxuries afforded to her by birthright alone.

M: Dude! She doesn’t even care to allocate funds to accommodate her extreme drinking binges. The least she and her siblings could do is get an automobile driver to taxi their wasted selves home to whatever rural town they have enlisted as their home, like Weatherford in Texas.

D: Man! No wonder the gerrymandered redistricting schemes are up and coming! Alice Walton lives in predominantly White American Weatherford, so that rural township must have the same amount of power as the urban multicultural districts. And, if not, the least should be done that someplace like the Amon Carter Museum ought to keep their bored members engaged in some constructive work to divert their attention from politics.

M: Dude! Bored members versus board members, that is rather brilliant. But I rather have Alice Walton acting sophisticated with artworks, not policies effecting millions of people at home and abroad.

Dire Effects of the Republican Party's Sequestration on US Diplomats & Families

Dire Effects of the Republican Party's Sequestration on US Allies Providing Shelter to Refugees

Dire Effects of the Republican Party's Sequestration on US Survivors of Domestic Violence

Dire Effects of the Republican Party's Sequestration on US Survivors of Sexual Assault

Dire Effects of the Republican Party's Sequestration on US Veterans

Dire Effects of the Republican Party's Sequestration on US Public Health Initiatives

Dire Effects of the Republican Party's Sequestration on US Affordable Care Act

Dire Effects of the Republican Party's Sequestration on US Fathers

Dire Effects of the Republican Party's Sequestration on US Public Schools

Dire Effects of the Republican Party's Sequestration on US Mothers

Dire Effects of the Republican Party's Sequestration on US Workers

Dire Effects of the Republican Party's Sequestration on US [Cancer] Patients

The Dire Effects of the Republican Party's Sequestration on US First Responders

The Dire Effects of the Republican Party's Sequestration on US Environment

The Dire Effects of the Republican Party's Sequestration on US Soldiers

The Dire Effects of the Republican Party's Sequestration on US Children

The Dire Effects of the Republican Party Sequestration on US Seniors

Man! Dude! Session #151

(M)an: Dude! Leon Panetta never was a George W. Bush appointment!

(D)ude: Man! Really?

M: Dude! He just finished the work President Clinton could not complete due to the unnecessarily protracted investigations into his affairs and whatnots by Ken Starr and Newt Gingrich.

D: Man! Leon Panetta was from the Clinton presidency? Would it not have been efficient for George 

W. Bush to have just kept Leon Panetta?

M: Dude! George W. Bush and his Administration were self-sufficient, not efficient. They were self-sufficient to the point of selfishness.

D: Man! Darrell Issa and John Boehner are running parallel with Ken Starr and Newt Gingrich! What doesn’t the American Press get that crucial comparison? Why must historians be brought in to analyze after the fact? I am really tired of David McCullough and Robert Caro needing to be utilized in order to resolve the issues of yesterday.

M: Dude! Did you see how Darrell Issa was disturbed by Ambassador Pickering’s presence on David Gregory’s Meet The Press?

D: Man! Meet The Press’ David Gregory really threw Darrell Issa off into a blabbering fit with occasional sly half-smiles that totally revealed to the audience how crude and cunning these Millennium Republican Tea Partiers actually are!

M: Dude! The Oracle of Omaha Warren Buffett’s honest and ethical children reveal to the world-if it wants to acknowledge this revelation- that his wife and he are authentic and clean, but his Board of Directors are not giving his grown and successful children the opportunity to take over for their father.

D: Man! No wonder Warren Buffett gave away a great chunk of his fortune to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation! Bill and Melinda Gates are genuine and financially clean as well! I think the new discovery that malaria can be eradicated by injecting mosquitoes with a certain strain of bacteria is going to go a long ways in healing universal loss and pain in underdeveloped global communities that have been ravaged by such tropical diseases.

M: Dude! With Paul Ryan’s Sequestration-propelling so-called quote unquote budget, I don’t think the United States is going to remain a global power with a thriving middle class economy that protects the disenfranchised and gives those who work hard a fair chance at achieving their dreams of stability and success.

D: Man! I don’t agree with you completely on that last point. I think it’s unfair to judge a person’s groceries and label them negatively for wanting ice cream for themselves and their children. What scares me is that Eric Cantor and John Boehner are going to end up deciding to cut welfare and essentially decimate the freedom to decide what constitutes needs and necessaries.

M: Dude! I can sense what’s next on the Republican agenda. When the Republican-created and Republican-driven Sequestration takes effect and the poor and working classes as well as the middle classers start to rise against the useless oppressive means that the GOP is implementing in order to stand against President Obama’s honest brilliance and ability to kick the economy back into motion after 8 years of nonstop havoc and war under George W. Bush’s Administration.

D: Man! Let me ask the question that John Boehner and Mitch McConnell ask next when unemployment rate hikes up… Why?

M: Dude! Let me answer with the same shamelessness of Paul Ryan and Eric Cantor… Why? Well, [grunt and clear the nasal passages and then clear the frog in the throat], the answer to why there is no job growth is President Obama, of course!

D: Man! If the Republican Party’s Sequestration tactics hadn’t gone into effect, the percentage of joblessness in the United States would be at least one or two points lower from where it is right now.

M: Dude! Let me ask the question that John Boehner and Mitch McConnell ask next when the number of open public schools drops for minority students… Why?

D: Man! Well, [grunt and clear the nasal passages and then clear the frog in the throat], the answer to why there are so many public schools closed to minority students in struggling communities in the United States is President Obama, of course!

M: Dude! The United States Congress does not want to allocate funds to keep these threats at a low, but insist that President Obama complete the dire obstacle courses the GOP has constructed for his Administration without complaints.

D: Man! What does the Republican Party want?

M: Dude! They want the Keystone XL Pipeline, which they say will create over 120,000 jobs.

D: Man! That’s a phenomenally low number of jobs to want to adopt the Keystone XL Pipeline! Environmentally sound movement away from our dependence on fossil fuels would result in an economic boom and start the process of reducing our Carbon outputs.

M: Dude! The GOP only wants there to be such an economic mess for US 47% that we disconnect with President Obama and place duplicitous folks like Chris Christie back into office in New Jersey, despite his record of parading around accomplishments that truly were never accomplishments to begin with, like balancing the budget of New Jersey.

D: Man! Duh! Balancing the budget is not even up for debate at the state level!

M: Dude! Am I the only one who still remembers the crudity and the rudeness with which Boehner, Ryan, Romney, and Christie addressed the American audience at the RNC 2012?

D: Man! You are not alone! I remember! I remember everything! I even remember how the American Press looked the other way as George W. Bush robbed the American Treasury of the surplus left in place by President Clinton.

M: Dude! I think the American Press Honchos were bought too by that robbery of the Clinton surplus. And the maiming of all those soldiers who fought senseless wars implemented by Dick Cheney, Condoleezza Rice, Donald Rumsfeld, and George W. Bush in Iraq and Afghanistan!

D: Man! They committed the ultimate crime of diplomacy by grouping two very distinct and separate countries, Iraq and Afghanistan, and then having the American Press also erase the lines between Saddam and Al Qaeda.

M: Dude! That’s what President Obama is fighting against right now politically. John McCain and the Republican Party wants the red line that President Obama has drawn against Syria laced with the blood of our sons and daughters in uniform.

D: Man! Since the 2010 influx of Tea Partiers in the Republican Party and the GOP’s winning the House of Representatives, the percentages of our daughters in uniform facing sexual assault in the military has increased by over thirty-five percent.

M: Dude! The American Press and the Republican Party need to take remedial courses on statistics and critical thinking skills.

D: Man! Don’t forget continuing education units in geography and world history!

M: Dude! The GOP ended the Shah of Iran and perpetuated the consequent backwardness of the Middle East. Right now, the Bush Dynasty is aligned with the fossil fuel lords of Saudi Arabia and the tax evasion tactics of Mitt Romney et al are under scrutiny by FATCA, which Senator Rand Paul is trying to disintegrate.

D: Man! Now we know what happens when White Supremacists Nationalists win the lottery! We have only to look onto these yokel dynasties: Bush, Walton, Romney, and the soon-to-be Rand offensive.

M: Dude! It’s hard to believe we need a place called hell!

D: Man! Michael Hutchence also sang this about religions… all are equal… all are great!

Man! Dude! Session #150

(D)ude: Man! Victoria Nuland is a remnant from the George W. Bush Administration. She was George W. Bush’s Permanent Representative to NATO and President Obama made her the spokesperson for the State Department in May 2011.

(M)an: Dude! She was Dick Cheney’s principal deputy foreign policy adviser and had a career in Foreign Service going back to Bill Clinton’s presidency.

D: Man! George W. Bush’s Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld was Richard Nixon’s Permanent Representative to NATO and was one of the leading advocates for the Freedom of Information Act as the Congressman from Illinois’ Thirteenth District.

M: Dude! Rumsfeld was Gerald Ford’s White House Chief of Staff later on during which time he advised President Ford to veto extending the Freedom of Information Act. When Ford wanted Rumsfeld to ascend to Secretary of Defense in 1975, Dick Cheney took on the role of Chief of Staff.

D: Man! Rumsfeld and Cheney are mean-spirited cats like Darrell Issa and Jim Inhofe. In fact, they are the same cleverish feline body, within which Rumsfeld is the head and Cheney the tail.

M: Dude! What about Issa and Inhofe?

D: Man! They are kitty litter at this moment in time, but as the Republican Party is trying to make a mess out of Benghazi, Libya, the GOP’s trying to put into place a system of making the midterm elections, that begin this November with the likes of Chris Christie up for reelection, seem incoherent and as insignificant as possible so that they can gain control of both houses of congress for the 2016 presidential election, which they plan to win through the cheating tactics that they are testing and retesting at the moment alongside hicks like Kentucky Senators Rand Paul and Mitch McConnell.

M: Dude! What about the IRS and its targeting and rescreening the applications of Tea Partiers?

D: Man! The name to be investigated is Lois G. Lerner, a Bush Administration appointee who, like Victoria Nuland, ought to have been relieved of all duties when President Obama took office, as Warren Buffett will probably look upon the situation and say. However, President Obama kept a lot of the Bush Administration appointments that did carry out their duties to country first admirably. Robert Gates and Leon Panetta, for example.

M: Dude! What’s the reason behind the sauciness towards Warren Buffett?

D: Man! The Oracle of Omaha is a great disappointment, especially after he referred to President George W. Bush and President Barack Obama in the same breath somewhere on television, probably must have been ABC News. Yeah. I think Rebecca Jarvis asked him about the two very glaringly differing presidencies but got a ho-hum answer from the Oracle of Omaha.

M: Dude! Did Warren Buffett really refer to the two in the same way?

D: Man! Yeah!

M: Dude! That is reprehensible!

D: Man! Absolutely reprehensible!

M: Dude! Warren Buffett will be the first to say in 2014 and 2016, if, Godspeed, he does make it to then, that there was no significance in President Obama’s two-terms, that he was just as mired as the ones who came before him, minus Jimmy Carter perhaps.

D: Man! The Tea Partiers were a national security threat! Heaven forbid, their emblem of the hissing rattlesnake terrifies me! It terrifies me like the Klu Klutz Klan marches outside of Texas Occidental Franchise University.

M: Dude! Harrowing times are up ahead if the American people do not get to the polls and cast their ballots.

D: Man! Remember how the NAACP’s chapter at Texas Occidental Franchise University was dissolved? I still think they got stripped of their rights to assemble because of the prejudicial antics of the overall student body, which was, let’s remember, over 99.9% white pride supremacists.

M: Dude! I think the new lingo is nationalism. White pride nationalists put an end to the peaceful coming together of the NAACP chapter at Texas Occidental Franchise University.

D: Man! Remember how the African American athletes ended up apologizing for their presence on 

campus to the Texas Occidental Franchise University Press?

M: Dude! Wasn’t that what the Tea Partiers are doing today with President Obama?

D: Man! President Obama having to apologize for being African American? That’s very TOFU!

M: Dude! There’s an unsettling conglomerate of Tea Partiers trying to find a way into American politics, and basically annihilate the privileges that minorities and women have fought hard for over fifty years.

D: Man! What’s the IG Report that the Tea Partiers are erroneously crying out about?

M: Dude! It’s the report of the Inspector General of the U.S. Government Accountability Office.

D: Man! Where’s the ARB Report originating from?

M: Dude! The Accountability Review Board to investigate the tragedy in Benghazi, Libya, was led by Ambassador Thomas R. Pickering and Admiral Michael Mullen, two bipartisan leaders from not too far a distance away from the George W. Bush and Ronald Reagan presidencies.

D: Man! Why do you think President Obama kept levelheaded and entrusted Lois W. Lerner and Victoria Nuland?

M: Dude! Seriously, I thought we had progressed beyond the pigmentation of our skin, but I was wrong. Even Nancy Pelosi was cold and heartless in her dealings with the first African American president of the United States. Now imagine being one of these three smart White government officials and taking command from a Black commander in chief.

D: Man! Those women would fit in perfectly with the student body of Texas Occidental Franchise University!

M: Dude! With the recent trends and missteps from Harvard University, like Carmen M. Reinhart and Kenneth S. Rogoff and Jason Richwine, I think the Ivy League is sinking into the quagmire of Texas Occidental Franchise University, while the University of Massachusetts at Amherst is providing Thomas Herndon physical safety as he maneuvers about in his day-to-day existence.

D: Man! TOFU on MASS AVE! TOFU on MASS AVE!

M: Dude! TEA in GOP! TEA in GOP! The Tea Party caucus had a closed-door meeting on April 24, 2013 in the Rayburn House Office Building. Twenty House Republicans and staffers from over forty congressional offices were in attendance, including Kentuckian hicks Senators Mitch McConnell and Rand Paul.

D: Man! The American Press is acting like it never took place, I actually heard a lot of reporters say that the Tea Party Movement had been downgraded.

M: Dude! The GOP and the Tea Partiers especially, are weeds that continually need to be pulled and replaced with high levels of some kind of herbicide. I don’t think organic herbicide would do a good enough job, with all the damage the Republican Sequestration is in the process of implementing.

D: Man! Did you know that dandelions are weeds too?

M: Dude! Look at the baloney clowning of George W. Bush! He recently admitted to knowing enough about the United States Congress to not send out emails.

D: Man! He’s a hisser with a rattle, indeed!

M: Dude! The guy’s venomous!

D: Man! Absolutely!

Man! Dude! Session #149

(M)an: Dude! You’re back home early!

(D)ude: Man! You’ve returned really quickly!

M: Dude! I brought back some of the desserts my mom made for today!

D: Man! We are synchronized from the hips, because I brought back the entire line up of brunch items my mother made for our family get together!

M: Dude! What did you do for a card? I took my screensaver and printed it off on photo paper at Office Depot!

D: Man! That’s a great idea! I did not like any of the cards at Hallmark, until I found a hoops and yoyo brand ensemble equipped with dialogue and music.

M: Dude! Hoops and yoyo are too rude for my mom’s tastes, but I have bought them for my dad and everybody else many times.

D: Man! My mother told me to tell you how much she enjoyed the flower arrangement you sent! She even wanted to know if you would like a photograph to send to your mother later on in the year for another special occasion.

M: Dude! Your mother, as usual, rocks! My mother actually framed the screensaver card from Office Depot in a really antique and posh picture frame. I took a photograph. You may want to send your mom a screensaver photograph for her birthday?

D: Man! My mom’s birthday is in February, remember?

M: Dude! Valentine’s Day! Oh no! I totally forgot!

D: Man! I gave her a kitchen scale on your behalf since she is dieting with that points program with Weight Watchers.

M: Dude! Thank you! No! Seriously, I am eternally grateful to you! I don’t think I thanked you for the time you remembered my niece’s birthday last September. Oh! I better set up an electronic reminder on my calendar since I just figured that one out way before too late.

D: Man! You’re just going to end up asking me about the scribbles you make or the underlining meaning of the message you record.

M: Dude! That is absolutely true! But, I really am curious to know, how are we synchronized from the hips?

D: Man! It was a slipup. I honestly have no clue as to its meaning. You’re really meticulous with detail today!

M: Dude! You know how my mother gets when the entire family is in town! I had to comb my hair and part it to the right in order for my grandmother to recognize me.

D: Man! I totally forgot your maternal grandmother’s still up and about!

M: Dude! She’s up and running! But I just don’t get the fuss with the hairstyles. My sisters went to the trouble to find old-fashioned skirts and Victorian blouses to transform themselves into actress Jane Seymour’s role in the celebrated television series that my grandmother adored, Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. You know, sometimes I think my grandmother is exercising her sense of humor in the severest possible way.

D: Man! You’re lucky. My great uncle used to dress up as a seafarer and entertained the notion that such individuals kept long and colorfully braided hair.

M: Dude! You should have brought him to show and tell at school!

D: Man! I brought him along for that special parade we had in the second grade on Halloween.

M: Dude! Remember the haunted house?

D: Man! How can I forget? My great uncle seized the opportunity to heist the climax literally!

M: Dude! Was he the gentleman who was later reported to have whisked the wicked witch character into his arms and turned the whole evening into an adult comedy routine?

D: Man! Man! Man!

M: Dude! What’s the matter? Did you want people to forget that memorable moment?

D: Man! Yes! Of course!

M: Dude! Then consider it forgotten!

D: Man! You’re laughing! And your hair is still parted to the right like Pinocchio!

M: Dude! You’re developing a five o clock shadow like Geppetto!

D: Man! When you wish upon a star, always let your conscience be your guide!

M: Dude! You’ve got a good point, however much it is just a fusion of two of the greatest Walt Disney songs from the 1940 classic!

D: Man! I don’t know about you, but I used to have nightmares of Enrico Mazzanti’s pictorial renditions of The Adventures of Pinocchio. I had the Carlo Collodi classic but refused to read it because of the frighteningly manlike boy liar.

M: Dude! That rendition of the fairy tale liar startled me as well! I swear I went to school or communion with several guys with the same knobby joints and jaunting nasals.

D: Man! At least my great uncle was, at the very least, handsome. I guess. Yeah! He was a devilishly handsome whisker of that elementary school teacher claiming to be a Wicked Witch on Halloween!

M: Dude! What was it about her that attracted your great uncle? Must have been the silk stockings, perhaps?

D: Man! Mrs. Kissinger’s name really attracted him. And the silk stockings only made matters moreover provocative.

Man! Dude! Session #148

(D)ude: Man! Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky is discreetly touring on behalf of his tea party brand in locations that have early voting, like Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina.

(M)an: Dude! Senator Rand Paul has targeted Democratic voters with speaking engagements at places like Howard University. There are reports that he has promised to “find a place” for undocumented immigrants who desire to live and work in the United States. He’s even trying to come across as a moderate by opposing federal bans on gay marriage.

D: Man! Senator Rand Paul is just experiencing a viral desire to place his hands in as many candy jars as possible to come across as the perfect clown for the job of rebuilding the Republican Party. I say clown with purpose. Seriously, Senator Rand Paul is convinced that he can woo crowds in Eastern Iowa with a combination of his thoughts and policies and his father’s libertarian leanings as well.

M: Dude! Governor Rick Scott of Wisconsin, Paul Ryan’s Republican colleague, is implementing the Affordability Care Act there, but I wonder if the $1.7 million that Wisconsin community health centers are scheduled to receive next year is going to be pocketed considerably instead.

D: Man! Don’t you think the Republican Party is just nesting eggs that they hope will mature and hatch out of the heat placed upon the working classes and Americans in poverty? I think the Republican Party’s hand, via Rand Paul’s recently introducing a bill to repeal the Foreign Account Tax Compliance Act that passed in 2010 and is scheduled to be effective as of January 1, 2014, is totally immersed in corruption at home and bloodshed abroad.

M: Dude! Hold on! Wait a minute! The FATCA law is intended to get financial institutions in foreign locales to report to the IRS information concerning Americans who hold above $50,000 worth of accounts in their firms. Those financial institutions that refuse to report to the IRS will face fines. Senator Rand Paul, on the other hand and underhandedly is misinterpreting FATCA as violating the privacy of United States citizens through this coordination effort between our federal government and foreign governments to prevent duplicitous financial gains via tax evasion schemes by people like Mitt Romney and the Bush Dynasty.

D: Man! I’ve never tasted licorice candy and gumballs together. But with that news you just reported from Mother Jones last Thursday, I can say Senator Rand Paul is a clown who just may have achieved that most disgusting of flavors.

M: Dude! I love licorice!

D: Man! You’re on your own! In fact, you ought to do me a great big favor by going through the jelly beans I plan to gift my mother tomorrow and pick out all the purple and black ones before placing them in the cool jelly bean machine I bought her.

M: Dude! Does it accept coins?

D: Man! Sure! Either way! No one in my family ever appreciated licorice and I’m not about to gift my mother the possibility of coming across such a wretched taste.

M: Dude! I don’t know if I can stomach any licorice today, but I’ll be happy to pick out the two colors of jellybeans that embrace the flavor for a latter time. I think I’ll  have them with some iced coffee later this afternoon.

D: Man! Why do you want to subject yourself to such distasteful concoctions? Well, then again, I take back what I just said. Senator Rand Paul makes my stomach uneasy.

M: Dude! The Fort Worth Municipal Elections are today and I had no clue about being able to create an account on fortworthtexas.gov to experiment around with the redistricting process personally.

D: Man! Did you?

M: Dude! You can make a plan collaboratively with a group. It’s really fascinating. It ought to be required for junior high and high school students of history and government to have to create an account collectively as a class or individually as students to learn firsthand the tribulations of the entire process.

D: Man! I thought that the Office of Management and Budget’s OMB Bulletin No. 13-01 was sufficiently addressing the topic of redistricting quite quantitatively. Personally, I would be unable to trust just a random civilian constituent to come up with a redistricting plan just like abracadabra!

M: Dude! I don’t know. I signed up this morning and found information that the guys at the hardware store would definitely not be able to comprehend. It’s like the ghosts of classrooms past begin haunting you into a plexus of annihilating your self-efficacy and confidence. I think the Tarrant County folks believe that if the constituents get a chance to partake in the process, they will easily come to approve and appreciate whatever plan of redistricting that they do in the end adopt.

D: Man! The Republican Party is practicing shameless prejudicial politics. But I think, underneath, they are planning to seek the benefits of President Obama’s successes and eventually deconstruct the monthly surpluses and the Stock Market highs when the country is in dire straits as a result of President Obama’s exiting from politics in 2017, just like what they did when Clinton left office in 2001 and George W.-Cheney-Rice-Rumsfeld came into power just like Benazir Bhutto’s husband Asif Ali Zardari, through crime and corruption.

M: Dude! Nawaz Sharif is ahead of his opponents right now. Despite the negatives that I’ve heard, I think either Sharif or Imran Khan will win and either will be a great relief to Pakistan, given Zardari’s crime-filled corruption charges that will probably land him behind bars.

D: Man! Bismillah! Remember Freddy Mercury?

M: Dude! Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody! I love that song! 

Man! Dude! Session #147

(M)an: Dude! Krystal Ball is, hands down, the best-dressed news broadcaster after Diane Sawyer. She could easily take over national television audiences as a soloist. Krystal Ball never looses dignity and decorum. It’s really hard to manage one’s face from the tendency to distract with uncalled for contort exaggerations.

(D)ude: Man! Whereas you can easily wonder off into the fashions of Diane Sawyer over the years, the same cannot be said of Krystal Ball. Instead, the conservative news media channel back to either the past missteps Ball took at a private costume party, or disapprove of the way she chooses to openly discuss some pertinent issues of today with her young daughter.

M: Dude! People, especially conservatives like Newt Gingrich and Paul Ryan and all those who attend undisclosed locale meetings against President Obama and his Administration, underestimate the intellectual capabilities of youth as young as Krystal Ball’s daughter. Why mustn’t Krystal Ball introduce her school age child to topics like same sex parents and partners?

D: Man! Imagine what sort of bullying Krystal Ball’s daughter could be subjected to if one or more of her classmates were to search engine her mother and find those libertarian images and bring them to her attention. Of course Krystal Ball would want to protect her daughter from such intellectual obstruction.

M: Dude! There are gross double standards in this still rather patriarchal world. When someone with the courage to overcome such obstacles of sexist and anti-feminist sentiments, someone like the heroic Krystal Ball for example, then we as a nation mustn’t hold scorn for our beloved sisters and daughters gifted with the grace and epic responsibility to remain rigidly wholesome like in those Norman Rockwell paintings.

D: Man! How would Norman Rockwell make of Anthony Weiner and Mark Sanford?

M: Dude! I would worship Norman Rockwell as a personal spiritual guru of sorts if he had lived and painted the sexual imprudence of Weiner and Sanford.

D: Man! Maybe a Thanksgiving moment like Sanford’s ex-wife sharing potatoes and cornbread with his now-mistress whom he met on the Appalachian Trail expeditions that have become just as noteworthy as George W. Bush’s disrespectfully releasing gas in public for entertainment purposes.

M: Dude! We may not be fathers, but remember when the Romney and Ryan children started a tantrum over playing with the red and white balloons on stage at the Republican National Convention?

D: Man! Yeah?

M: Dude! Imagine a world where your fathers are Romney and Ryan and, despite all the pomp and circumstance that comes with being the selected candidates from your party, your children and grandchildren are displaying characteristics of dunces who have never had their childhood shenanigans addressed properly.

D: Man! The Romney and Ryan RNC was a study indeed! How can you expect your children to not 

become troublemakers with such double standards and all-out racism? Reince Priebus and Rand Paul and Chris Christie and John Boehner at the RNC 2012 personally embarrassed and scared me with their bawdy and brutal performances… Like the late Michael Hutchence from INXS famously sang, it’s hard to believe we need a place called hell!

M: Dude! The GOP can only think of the Dreamers and their families as hassles or domestic workers. It is so crude how John McCain always manages to think that these American populations are needed for his family’s household errands like childcare and household chores. My mother had help, but it wasn’t until I graduated middle school that I realized Aunt Viola was actually not a relative and that Mom paid her to come and do housework. As far as I can remember, I always saw the two women drinking coffee and chatting up a storm in their downtime.

D: Man! Aunt Viola? She reminds me of my father’s secretarial staff. Lola and Stefan were awesome. They actually filled out applications for me at the last minute when my own computer and typewriter malfunctioned.

M: Dude! Lola and Stefan are listed in your address book even today! We just had lunch about four months back with them and their families!

D: Man! How would Norman Rockwell portray Anthony Weiner on the cover of the Saturday Evening Post?

M: Dude! There were Republicans and perverts then too! They were just not pictured on the covers of magazines like today. In fact, I think I have only seen Anthony Weiner’s indiscretions on those cheap gazettes that you can get at the grocery store while waiting in line for the next clerk.

D: Man! Krystal Ball deserves her own hour show. She is unafraid to identify herself as a feminist and I think that is awesome in midst of some of these Fortune 500 company female execs that say otherwise.

M: Dude! If you are a millennium woman exec, you must think on behalf of all women and girls. Just because you are an exec enjoying the privileges of being able to build a nursery for your baby at work and then go home earlier than most to enjoy some time with your school age children right before retiring to work in your specially designated home office space, you cannot forget those of your gender who are struggling in the middle and working classes, if not completely disenfranchised and hanging onto the system of government assistance that Paul Ryan and the GOP are meddling with and trying to erase.

D: Man! The United States Stock Market is reaching unbelievable heights never charted before President Obama’s reinstating the economy and the automobile industry and so on and so forth with his awesome and diverse team of administrators.

M: Dude! Do you think we could assign Paul Ryan and the Republican Majority to Mars in 2022? They can create their own fantasy government against the people and for themselves up where the air is redder than kabuki makeup and hotter than lava.

D: Man! There were over 78,000 applications for that anticipated trip to Mars. And the great thing is, Paul Ryan and the Republican Majority cannot return to Earth because of the obvious physiological changes that will be taking place on the Red Planet.

M: Dude! The 112^th and 113^th Congresses need to be sentenced to life on Mars for their considerable inaction. And George W. Bush needs to go up there as well with Cheney-Rice-Rumsfeld and experiment with his bawdy bodily humor.