Kamikaze Squirrels

Man! Dude! Session #298

(D)ude: Man! I saw Mitch McConnell selecting ice cream at Wal-Mart today.

(M)an: Dude! Yeah. I saw Terence Trent D’Arby rearranging the tomatoes there yesterday. He was on his cell phone discussing variants of guacamole with a friend. Could have been an acquaintance. I don’t think you necessarily need a friend to exchange recipes like that.      

D: Man! I have a whiskey fruitcake in the freezer dating back to January or February of this year.

M: Dude! I have office stationery dating back two years, yet I went on a shopping spree and returned home with these really cool ink pens that are otherwise too overpriced and don’t really have a high turnover anyways.

D: Man! That’s brilliant! Buying office supplies during the back-to-school hoopla is the only way to not end up with dried out pens and markers in the long run.  

M: Dude! Here. You can have ten packets of these and I’ll take the remaining ten. If you want, I can relieve you of the burden of the pink, turquoise, and lime ink pens. They’re quite useless, I know.  

D: Man! Useless? They cannot be as useless as the Republican Tea GOP! Like I said, Mitch McConnell was actually buying ice cream at Wal-Mart today. That doggone rascal! My teeth are already too sensitive for me to relish frozen desserts. And I’m rather young, aren’t I?

M: Dude! Of course! Sure! You know why the Republican Tea GOP wants to end the Affordable Care Act? The Republican Tea GOP wants those of us living without to remain disenfranchised. It’s like the Republican Tea GOP members are all suffering from the exact same ailment but do not want the elixir even for them if that means enfranchising the working and middle classes and those of US barely managing at the poverty level.

D: Man! I’ll tell you what I think. I think the Republican Tea GOP is a pack of scraggly squirrels. Scraggly kamikaze squirrels. I don’t know about anywhere else, well maybe Austin, Texas, the squirrels situated at the state capitol are mischievous to the point where they’ll confiscate your lunch items if you allow them anywhere near. Their antics at picnics make me feel obtuse like a puppy.

M: Dude! Scraggly squirrels, I understand. But kamikaze? I’m going to have to think this through.   

D: Man! Yeah! Scraggly kamikaze squirrels! They’re everywhere you don’t want them to be, especially crossing over a lane or a street when you’re behind the wheel and driving inconsiderately. You know what I mean?  

M: Dude! I think I do. I think what you’re meaning to convey here is that squirrels are imprudent in their steps and consequent mishaps. You’re watching out for human pedestrians and the scraggly kamikaze squirrels add onto that stimuli an annoyance of many sorts? Do you think they’re fatalistic?

D: Man! I don’t know about fatalism. However, I did see a squirrel fall down seven feet without any complications. Spineless nosedive downward onto the asphalt as if it happened everyday. Reminded me of the Republican Tea GOP’s steadfast pursuit of nothingness and zilch. The Republican Tea GOP resides in a parallel universe from ours where carbon dioxide is the air of choice for Michelle Bachman and Marsha Blackburn. 

M: Dude! There’s a new wave of the industrial revolution underway that Michelle Bachman and Marsha Blackburn and the Republican Tea GOP are trying to halt.

D: Man! There’s another industrial revolution that’s being blocked by the Republican Tea GOP? What’s its focus?

M: Dude! Green energy. Remember Elon Musk of Tesla Motors? Well, the blueprints he made available to the world by making his patents public are now the new direction of industry. However, Jeb Bush and George Prescott Bush are misleading US because of their own private investments and lootings of global oil infrastructures. The Republican Tea GOP membership wants to tear apart the lands of the United States for the purposes of fracking, but do not want a new wave of economic development benefitting the working and middle classers and empowering the destitute.

D: Man! Why? What’s wrong with another industrial revolution focused on green energy and technology?

M: Dude! Rule by the few. Preservation of the status quo. Another chance at sending our sons and daughters to fight senselessly only to return home to nothingness and zilch. Nothingness and zilch for the multitude. The Koch Klutz Klan of the millennium.

D: Man! The Republican Tea GOP is hailing India’s Prime Minister Narendra Modi as a Ronald Reagan. I agree. Going back to that line Alec Baldwin shared on MSNBC once. What was it? Something about how Ronald Reagan made US all shameless in our personal pursuits for swimming pools in our backyards. Remember?

M: Dude! The Republican Tea GOP wants US not to register to vote and definitely not show up to our polling sites and cast our ballots on Election Day Tuesday November 4, 2014. They’re also keeping US from holding rallies and civil demonstrations. But how long can the private sector possibly afford to keep going on in place of the federal government?

D: Man! That’s why Churches across America must hold the rallies and civil demonstrations. Or have Willie Nelson concerts like the one the celebrated country singer did for Wendy Davis recently. You know, Tina Brown’s The Daily Beast and Arianna Huffington’s The Huffington Post are already forecasting a Republican Tea GOP win in all the upcoming election races. But, then again, Tina Brown and Arianna Huffington are nowadays like Ayn Rand then.