AsteRisks***

Man! Dude! Session #299

(M)an: Dude! I’ve had it! I’ve really had it up to here with these Google searches for 2014 Election Calendars from all 50 states in the United States of America!

(D)ude: Man! Ouch! Aw! I think I just dabbed my right eye with the jalapeño pepper smeared in my hand! Help! What can I do? Think!  

M: Dude! I’m trying! I’m seriously trying! I think I’ve got some bottles of Allegra in these cabinets!

D: Man! Are they expired? Hurry! Ouch! This really hurts! 

M: Dude! Here! Take these!

D: Man! Two Allegra tablets? I think you’re mistaking them with Advil! Just give me one! Then again, I’ll take all I can get!

M: Dude! Here’s one! Take it! There’s a water bottle behind you! Look!

D: Man! Mm! How long will it take? Is my eye red? It really stings!

M: Dude! Yeah. You’re eye’s red but your cheek is totally swollen and pink!

D: Man! I was trying that Chinese bitter melon recipe with the jalapeño peppers and ground turkey! Man! My cheek’s feeling puffy! You take over for me here so I can run to the bathroom! I think I’m going to apply an ice cold facial! Ah!   

M: Dude! Give it five minutes! Watch it! You’re doing okay! Actually, go ahead with the ice cold facial! In fact, take all the time in the world! I’ll finish this! Dude! You should have used the skillet! It’s faster than the burners! Why do I have to be the one to fix it all?

D: Man! Talking about fix it alls, did you catch a glimpse of the IBM SyNapse computer chip? Konrad Krawczyk’s article for the website Digital Trends featured a really nice photograph of the next generation of central processing units, or CPUs.

M: Dude! CPU? So which component of the CPU are we talking about in terms of the tech breakthroughs? The arithmetic logic unit or the control unit?

D: Man! Fortunately, the latest CPU is a first of its kind, combining technology and neuroscience, hence the question here is about whether we’ve achieved a greater understanding between the Left Brain and the Right Brain.

M: Dude! Left Brain and the Right Brain? Which one’s which again?

D: Man! Yesterday’s CPUs were right brained but today’s SyNapse computer chips from IBM have the added capabilities of the left-brain. Of course, the study of the right and left sides of the brain is generally referred to as brain lateralization and is not as conceptually sound as some wish to think, which is good news because the brain’s elasticity, the ability to compensate for injuries sustained in another region make it dynamic and resilient. But according to the rave review of IBM’s SyNapse by Krawczyk, the right side of the brain deals with language and analytics while the left side deals with sensory and pattern recognition. Before, the language and the analytics were conquerable and made the technological advancements we take for granted nowadays possible. But with the added ability to sense patterns of the motion and data in its surrounds, the SyNapse chip makes the impossible possible, and that is beautifully pieced together by Krawczyk when he refers to a typical summertime lull that finds one reclined in a hammock and dozing off. But for a split second, your senses cue into a detail like a bug nearby and you focus in on this bug with the same intensity you would allot to a calculus problem in a textbook.       

M: Dude! Oh! I get it! That jerky response between the lull and the mosquito bite is finally measurable? You know, I was placed in high school calculus and failed miserably until I called the local university’s mathematics department and got assistance from the physics PhD who mistook me for Kip Winger.   

D: Man! You always had the tackiest hairstyles and unkempt facial hair. I really feel sorry for Kip Winger, he was handsome but lost his looks in booze and drugs. I  think the Republican Tea GOP Representative Steve King of Iowa and Republican Tea GOP Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky are testaments to the return of the Klu Klutz Klan. They and Texas GOP Tea Attorney General Greg Abbott and Florida GOP Tea Representative Curt Clawson are historic lows wanting to score worse pitfalls in public communications with their outright disregard and preferential denial of the multicultural and walking in the opposite direction of diversity or just simply responding with asterisks when asked to spell out their agendas.

M: Dude! What’s an asterisk? Everything but anything?

D: Man! Basically, yeah. Erika Andiola and Cesar Vargas were avoided altogether by GOP Tea Rand Paul and then reduced to stereotypes by GOP Tea Steve King.

M: Dude! The State Department’s Nisha Biswal and the Commerce Department’s Arun Kumar were both mistaken by GOP Tea Representative Curt Clawson for foreign government officials from India at a July 24, 2014 House Foreign Affairs Committee congressional hearing.

D: Man! How Klannish can you get than the Class of 2010 Republican Tea GOP?

M: Dude! We forgot Greg Abbott’s habitual tendency to defer all questions from the American Press Corps to his spokespeople. Whenever asked specifically about the Texas and Mexico Border Crisis, he remains silent and a spokesperson surfaces forth from the background of campaign aides at outdoor press gatherings with the dastardly Governor Rick Perry. Logically, we’ve got an infestation of the know-nothings on our hands. We have to vote for the Democratic Ticket or risk being snubbed by the Koch Klutz Klan.