Man! Dude! Session #152

(D)ude: Man! Give me a couple of recommended books to read. I read two and my heart’s sick.

(M)an: Dude! What two books have got you heartsick?

D: Man! Cheryl Strayed’s Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar  and Jeff Bridges’ collaborative effort with Bernie Glassman entitled The Dude and the Zen Master. The two are highly rated on Amazon and elsewhere, but I cannot get past their intellectual depravity and Tea Party undertones.

M: Dude! What about the two?

D: Man! Do you know how Darrell Issa smiles periodically and always inappropriately?

M: Dude! I cannot figure out how he manages through his illiterate trash talks on national television with those rife half-smiles and smirks that he employs in attempts to derail United States Attorney General Eric Holder and disrespect the fallen in the Benghazi tragedy by employing his sleazy reactions when enunciating the Libyan capital and words like “murder”…  

D: Man! Cheryl Strayed and Jeff Bridges and Bernie Glassman’s words are laced heavily with the same Darrell Issa illiterateness that you masterfully delineated just now. Strayed at one point even chooses to disclose her own sexual abuse as something that she overcame, but, like the Tea Party, I think she is working on her own hang-ups and never cared to pursue a complete writing cycle: Her book reads like a rough draft. Reminds me of Anne Lamott’s shameless rehashing of Steven King’s On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft.

M: Dude! Anne Lamott’s rehashing, entitled Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life, actually won an Audie for its audiobook version.

D: Man! Jeff Bridges and Bernie Glassman are perverted and outright vulgar, like John Boehner and Chris Christie. Jeff Bridges’ words are packed with obscene and mean-spirited innuendos and Bernie Glassman, the so-called Zen Master, succumbs to fulfilling his friend and collaborator’s ribald ugliness.   

M: Dude! Speaker of the House of Representatives John Boehner’s incompetence comes across with such barnyard bawdiness, while Governor Chris Christie is entertaining himself and his family with the Prince of Wales Harry as the survivors of Super Storm Sandy haven’t even been able to begin their lives due to the lack of financial assistance from the Republican Majority in Congress.

D: Man! We need freedom from the American Press and the major Publishing Houses, almost all of who are hiding behind the guise of democracy, when in fact they’re just as guilty of wanting to portray an America struggling because of President Obama. America is struggling in a Republican quagmire.

M: Dude! It takes approximately 25 million dollars weekly to operate the United States Congress. The American Press and the endless continuity of Publishing Houses have not once shared such stats in their behemoth, monopolistic, and regimented culture of exclusiveness in print. If you visit any of the publishing houses’ websites, you will find statements pertaining to how one must find a literary agency beforehand because the publishing houses will not accept unsolicited manuscripts, including queries.

D: Man! United States Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel is coming under fire by New York Senator Kirsten Gillibrand concerning the handling of sexual assault cases in the United States Military. Senator Gillibrand and her colleagues want the issue to be addressed by Congress, but I, like Secretary Hagel, have grave concerns.   

M: Dude! Senator Kirsten Gillibrand wants publicity and showmanship, like the Congressional Republicans. Although Senator Gillibrand is a Democrat, I have reservations about her genuineness.

D: Man! Do you think she’s a GOP placement? I think she is. Her insight is confined by her ego. She reminds me of Republican Representative and House Majority Leader Eric Cantor. She also reminds me of the dramaturgies of Republican Senator and Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. Did you hear his latest attempts to place some conspiracy theories into the press junket about the Democrats conducting sting operations on his wife and he?   

M: Dude! The Republican Party doesn’t care about issues that do not affect their lives personally. The 501c4 is a wonderful idea, just as long as the Democrats do not get their hands on the same kind of power as the GOP Super PACs. Can you sense the underlying egocentricity in the Republican Party’s arguments?

D: Man! I think that Senator Gillibrand is a GOP placement brought to the forefront in confronting the United States Military and bringing it before a scrutiny of unending congressional hearings. The Congressional Republicans and their barnyard bawdiness are repellent. But I think the Congressional Republicans think themselves as entertaining their gerrymandered, hence backward leaning and predominantly White American, constituencies.   

M: Dude! Secretary Hagel is wise and will not allow the Congressional Republicans to absurdly denigrate members of the United States Military. The future of United States democracy rests in the hands of Secretary Hagel. The GOP wants military leadership to be presented before a string of congressional hearings, hoping for the worst.

D: Man! What’s worse than the United States Republican Party?

M: Dude! A United States Military Coup is very probable. Barnyard bawdy billionaires like the Koch brothers and the Walton siblings back the GOP and, lest we forget, Sheldon Adelson, and the Republican Super PACs of husband-and-wife team Karl Rove and Grover Norquist.

D: Man! Husband-and-wife? I think you meant husband-and-husband!

M: Dude! I stand corrected. Thank you.

D: Man! You’re welcome! The Republican Majority in Congress is a hearings fanatic! And their outright arrogance is the direct result of gerrymandering and the Supreme Court’s ruling favoring corporations and deeming political speech as having the same protection and First Amendment right as citizens have to free speech.

M: Dude! The Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act of 2002 was skewed to favor conservatives in so much that its chief sponsors, Arizonan Republican Senator John McCain and Wisconsin Democratic Senator Russ Feingold, collaborated on that piece of legislation, only to have Senator Feingold lose his reelection efforts in 2010 to Tea Party Republican Ron Johnson.

D: Man! Let me get this straight. Senator Russ Feingold, the democratic collaborator with Senator McCain on campaign finance reform legislation in 2002, lost his reelection campaign to Tea Party Republican Ron Johnson in 2010? Senator John McCain, then I’m sure, is doing all this hoopla over immigration reform and straddling between granting amnesty to the millions of Dreamers and their families while making all or some of them leave the United States, for the purposes of just getting over the hurdles of midterms in 2014?

M: Dude! Senator John McCain is a prototype of the millennium Republican: He courted collaborator Russ Feingold, only to make certain that Senator Feingold be at great risk of losing his seat eight years later in the Tea Party rage. Remember that fraternity brother who’s always got your back, or so you believe, only to be duped by that exact same guy over a girl or a grade?

D: Man! They’re so close that you have to wonder if they share a common quasi-medical diagnosis as well as party affiliation?

M: Dude! Yeah! The Republicans are those fraternity brothers who turn their backs on their Democratic counterparts. Senator Kirsten Gillibrand had better watch out with which Republican insiders she’s working on the inside on because she’s going to end up losing her senate reelection campaign as well to a contrasting Republican.

D: Man! You can straddle as much as you like along multiple party lines as a Republican, but not so much as a Democrat lest you lose your next reelection campaign?

M: Dude! It’s a double standard. Just like the barnyard bawdy billionaires that try really hard to erase their unsophisticated roots. Look at Alice Walton and her designer gold trim jogging suits that she chooses to wear publically on one too many an occasion. Did I say that right?

D: Man! I’m not sure. However, I’ve been thinking about those government furloughs and air traffic controllers lately. The Congressional Republicans and their lobbying pals and gerrymandered redistricting schemers are all in for a rude awakening. The GOP thinks that the air can handle their personal jets jaunting all over the globe, but imagine Alice Walton having to cede sharing the private luxuries afforded to her by birthright alone.

M: Dude! She doesn’t even care to allocate funds to accommodate her extreme drinking binges. The least she and her siblings could do is get an automobile driver to taxi their wasted selves home to whatever rural town they have enlisted as their home, like Weatherford in Texas.

D: Man! No wonder the gerrymandered redistricting schemes are up and coming! Alice Walton lives in predominantly White American Weatherford, so that rural township must have the same amount of power as the urban multicultural districts. And, if not, the least should be done that someplace like the Amon Carter Museum ought to keep their bored members engaged in some constructive work to divert their attention from politics.

M: Dude! Bored members versus board members, that is rather brilliant. But I rather have Alice Walton acting sophisticated with artworks, not policies effecting millions of people at home and abroad.