The olfactory effects of Joe Scarborough on Mika Brzezinski...

(M)an: Dude! Where are the steaks?

(D)ude: Man! How can you think about steaks when a revolution needs our support?

M: Dude! Why are there so many low-fat television dinners in the freezer? Lean Cuisine entrees and Weight Watchers frozen desserts?

D: Man! Have you forgotten the initiatives Bernie Sanders plans to introduce in the days ahead?

M: Dude! The Sanders Institute and Our Revolution?

D: Man! Of course! Didn’t you read the email addressing Bernie’s twenty-seven-dollar contributors and fans to pitch in three-dollars-a-piece for the purposes of bringing the two initiatives into the American public’s conscience?

M: Dude! You know, speaking of the American public’s conscience, I was channeling through the local radio stations and began listening to this guy who goes by “Cheeney Bhai” on 104.9 FM. Brother Cheeney made an interesting announcement this afternoon. John Podesta is coming to the DFW Metroplex to address local issues pertinent for Hillary Clinton to win Texas come Election Day, Tuesday, November 8, 2016.  

D: Man! Have you seen the Wal-Mart parking lot off Hulen Street in Fort Worth, Tarrant County? Why is it all black like the tarmac planes ascend and descend upon at airports?

M: Dude! Yeah! Looks like Alice Walton and her siblings are really proving the fallacy of Ronald Reagan’s trickle-down economics. The direct descendants of Sam Walton hired a company to mend the parking lot and decided to go along with the most economical solution to the problem! They opted for bituminous surface treatment or chip seal as it is commonly called.  

D: Man! What’s bituminous surface treatment or chip seal? I’m suspecting Sam Walton’s descendants decided to go with the cheapest option available. I’ve driven on tarmac at Wal-Mart before, but this largescale adoption of bituminous surface treatment or chip seal, as you said, will be very cost ineffective in the long run come fall and winter. That chip seal is going to cause a lot of vehicles to skid come rain and snow!  

M: Dude! Sam Walton’s direct descendants aren’t living up to the standards their father espoused during his lifetime. And it was quite a stretch! He lived to be ninety-four years old!

D: Man! Seventy-four. He lived to be seventy-four if you subtract 1918 from 1992. But I get your mathematical mishap. He embodied ninety-four at seventy-four. That is, to some he would seem to have done so.

M: Dude! Mika Brzezinski’s nose has only been paying lip service to the Democratic Party and the Bernie Sanders initiatives, The Sanders Institute and Our Revolution. She is fourth in line now to exceed duplicity, right behind Ayn Rand, Tina Brown, Arianna Huffington. And let US not forget how the Republican Party and these women in the American Press Corps have been fooling white housewives into believing that their husbands will be watching over their shoulders in the polling booth when they’re voting for the candidates their husbands choose.     

D: Man! That is truly a major disservice on the part of the Republican Party and Ayn Rand, Tina Brown, Arianna Huffington, and Mika Brzezinski. But I’d like to inquire into the part about Mika Brzezinski’s nose. You have piqued my interest in this wonderment and I would like an introduction to this particular nasality.

M: Dude! No, I’m not addressing resonance when I talk about Brzezinski’s nose. I am literally on the verge of an anthropological breakthrough with my observances of Brzezinski’s nose.  

D: Man! Really? How so?

M: Dude! Brzezinski’s nose contracts upon disclosure, collects up upon disagreement, and has a set of, let’s say, expressions.  

D: Man! An expressive nose?

M: Dude! Expressions!

D: Man! Really? How so?

M: Dude! Brzezinski’s nose is peevish when there’s proof, fretful when there’s frump, and vexing when there’s vicissitude.

D: Man! Are you sure you haven’t discovered something more than just a breakthrough? Those descriptors easily define Republican wives, whether that wife be Newt Gingrich’s, Mitt Romney’s, John McCain’s, Jeb Bush’s, Ted Cruz’s, Donald Trump’s, or Mike Pence’s.

M: Dude! You’re right! This is a definitive study!

D: Man! It’s exhaustive!

M: Dude! Any feedback?

D: Man! Mika Brzezinski’s father is a foreign policy grail for Democratic Party leaders and presidents! Are you certain that Mika Brzezinski’s nose is not directly affected by the neo-conservatism of her Republican co-host Joe Scarborough?

[To be continued…]