(D)ude: Man! So, do you know how you’re casting your ballot
tomorrow morning? Primary elections are being held in Tarrant County from 7AM
to 7PM. I think it will be interesting for you to see the personalities and
attitudes coming in to vote tomorrow.
(M)an: Dude! I am kind of confused about a lot of the
multiple candidates listed in some of these categories. Did you do any
background research on the candidates before early voting last week?
D: Man! Yeah! I did a lot of work trying to track down
photographs and background info on the races where there are two Democratic
Party contenders and actually went to the trouble of filling in a sample ballot
for you.
M: Dude! Wonderful! I was doing some research on some of
these Democratic candidates for United States Senator and was shocked to read
how duplicitously placed some of the contenders are, like, for example, Kesha
Rogers who adamantly backs impeaching President Obama and doing other
conservative neurotics on the political scene in the new congressional year.
D: Man! I know! You really have to read every line in the
articles about some of these so-called Democratic candidates in order to really
know just how conservatively neurotic they are. A lot of them are all out
two-timers, I tell you!
M: Dude! So this is the sample ballot you mark up? Very
interesting! Did you have any specific reason to select a purple highlighter?
D: Man! I went through three sample ballots in order to
check mark my absolute final choices in the categories where there were more
than one candidate running. See here? I have to tell you too about how hard I
worked on deciding how to cast my ballot last week. If I had gone in to the
ballot box, I might have voted for candidates that don’t even make themselves
visible in online press releases or even websites. And, by the way, Wendy R.
Davis’ website link does not connect to an actual webpage. Whether done
deliberately or not, I would recommend folks to read her online periodical endorsements
and visit her Facebook page instead.
M: Dude! Did you seriously work that hard to come up with a
diverse and sincere list of candidates for United States Senator, District 25
United States Representative, District 33 United States Representative,
Governor of Texas, Commissioner of Agriculture, Railroad Commissioner, District
13 State Board of Education, District 10 State Senator, District 90 State
Representative?
D: Man! Turn the sample ballot printout to the second page!
M: Dude! Of course! Let’s see, there are Precinct No. 5
Justice of the Peace that too has more than one Democratic contender listed, as
well as Precinct 1347 Chair, and, finally, Precinct 3321 Chair.
D: Man! Study up the names I carefully selected! I wonder if
the pollsters will allow you to take a list of the candidates so that you
remember to keep your candidate selections in order and not stumble through
casting your ballot.
M: Dude! Thanks! I’ll be sure to study up the markups you
have so generously cared to share with me the night before the big day!
D: Man! Let’s go over the basics quickly! Let’s start with
the obvious, and that is you will be marking “FOR” in favor of Immigration
Reform, “FOR” in favor of A Living Wage For All Texans, “FOR” in favor of
Medicaid Expansion, and “FOR” in favor of Non-Discrimination Legislation. Got
that?
M: Dude! I’m looking at page two and I see that those Party
Referendums are the last four items listed on the sample ballot.
D: Man! Yeah. So, if you want to work from page 2 onto page
1 or from page 1 onto page 2, just let me know, okay?
M: Dude! Let’s start from page 1 because I’m pretty sure it
will be electronic balloting system in place tomorrow.
D: Man! Okay. So, for United States Senator, you will be
selecting Harry Kim.
M: Dude! Harry Kim!
D: Man! For United States Representative, District 25, you
will be selecting Marco Montoya.
M: Dude! Marco Montoya!
D: Man! For United States Representative, District 33, you
will be selecting Marc Veasey.
M: Dude! Marc Veasey!
D: Man! For Texas Governor, you already know the candidate!
M: Dude! Wendy R. Davis!
D: Man! For Commissioner of Agriculture, you will be
selecting Hugh Asa Fitzsimmons III.
M: Dude! Hugh Asa Fitzsimmons III!
D: Man! For Railroad Commissioner, you will be selecting
Steve Brown.
M: Dude! Steve Brown!
D: Man! For State Board of Education, District 13, you will
be selecting Erika Beltran.
M: Dude! Erika Beltran!
D: Man! For State Senator, District 10, you will be
selecting Libby Willis.
M: Dude! Libby Willis!
D: Man! For State Representative, District 90, you will be
selecting Lon Burnam.
M: Dude! Lon Burnam!
D: Man! For Justice of the Peace, Precinct No. 5, you will
be selecting Sergio L. De Leon.
M: Dude! Sergio L. De Leon!
D: Man! For Precinct Chair, Precinct 1347, you will be
selecting Correen C. Robertson.
M: Dude! Correen C. Robertson!
D: Man! And taa-daa! Finally, for Precinct Chair, Precinct
3321, you will be selecting Tim Yatko.
M: Dude! Tim Yatko!
D: Man! Take you driver’s license as identification and
voter registration card!
M: Dude! Where is it?
D: Man! Are you asking about the driver’s license or the
voter registration card?
M: Dude! The latter, obviously!
D: Man! Yeah, I placed it in the refrigerator so you won’t
misplace or forget it. It’s next to the Greek yogurts but I made certain that
you wouldn’t be confused if you chose to construct an omelet for breakfast
instead, so you’ll find the eggs resting nearby the Greek yogurts as well.
M: Dude! Check, check, and check!
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