(M)an: Dude! What is taking you so long?
(D)ude: Man! This is a very big deal!
M: Dude! All three toilet bowls are the priciest!
D: Man! My Aunt Leola-Leona is going to be hosting
Thanksgiving this year.
M: Dude! It’s just a day. A Thursday to be specifically
fair.
D: Man! But I want to show off my sense of style and swagger
at Thanksgiving.
M: Dude! By buying a pricey toilet bowl for your Aunt
Leola-Leona’s powder room?
D: Man! Everybody is going to be conducting some serious
matters in there!
M: Dude! That is none of anybody’s business to fathom. We
all have to go- go.
D: Man! Okay! I’m trying to find a toilet bowl that matches
The Heritage Foundation’s logo.
M: Dude! You should have spoken sooner! How about the three
over there?
D: Man! They are very convincingly close to The Heritage
Network’s commodious symbolism.
M: Dude! Flushing the nation’s credibility and making the
White House maneuver through senseless obstacle course after obstacle course?
D: Man! Yeah, the Republican GOP is known as Tea Partiers
for just that reason! Tell me of another caffeinated group of partiers that
don’t even know that the letter “t” is, uh… just a minute… the nineteenth
letter in the alphabet?
M: Dude! Twentieth! The letter “t” is the twentieth letter
in the alphabet! What were you doing counting your knuckles? That’s only for
the purposes of figuring out how many days are in the months.
D: Man! I know! I know! I was just trying to assess which
one of my knuckles had recovered from the last time I popped them. I think my middle
fingers are the most robust by far.
M: Dude! The design of The Heritage Foundation and Network
is very indicative of the hypocrisy of the Tea Partiers, and I do mean to
include the entire network of GOP and Republican leadership. They are annoying evolutionary
theorists (AET, get it?) and worship the logic of reverse engineering, although
quite literally than the definition ever intended to indicate.
D: Man! I think there is a commodious conspiracy going on in
the political system of the United States of America. I am convinced that the
Tea Partiers and Republican GOP and Darrell Issa specifically, have designed
the most state-of-the-art toilet bowl system in history, but force their party
affiliates to never leak the design to the public, especially the press.
M: Dude! Darrell Issa knows how to patent toilets! Look at
what happened to him today! Representative Peter DeFazio of Oregon held a
mirror to the faces of the Republican lawmakers that included Issa who had been
assailing Park Services Director Jonathan Jarvis for up to five hours, and Issa
flinched like Dracula.
D: Man! Darrel-cula and Jonathan Harker Jarvis?
M: Dude! Well, technically, Representative Peter DeFazio held
up the mirror, but I like it a lot, Darrel-cula and his league of bedeviling obstructionists.
D: Man! I know what I’m going to be dressed up as this
Halloween!
M: Dude! Darrel-cula Issa?
D: Man! Sarah Palin makes another
great Halloween costume! All you need is to slice a melon and position your
face in between the two halves preferably and chant aloud, “The status quo has
to go!” She’s simply foolish. Or, you could even say, foolishly simpleminded.
M: Dude! Sarah Palin needs to descend onto the Senate Floor
alongside Ted Cruz and Rand Paul and the American Heritage Dictionary, and look
up a couple of words because the status quo configures into the definition of
conservatism.
D: Man! A thesaurus would be quite appropriate for that
purpose, don’t you think?
M: Dude! Either or!
D: Man! Either Sarah Palin or Darrel-cula?
M: Dude! Yeah. Have you decided on a toilet for Aunt
Leona-Leola?
D: Man! Leola-Leona! Aunt Leola-Leona!
M: Dude! I agree with that commodious conspiracy theory you concocted
earlier.
D: Man! I’m telling you! The Heritage Foundation and
Network’s symbol is a sym-bowl, a highly secretive toilet bowl design that they
flauntingly share with the public arrogantly throughout their brands of
fatuity.
M: Dude! Sarah Palin is just as fatuous as Rush Limbaugh!
Or, is Rush Limbaugh as fatuous as…
D: Man! Look around carefully, her supporters might be hunting
toilets elsewhere but someplace near nevertheless. The showroom we’re in is
adjacent to that one over there with the glass doors and mirrors. Mirrors?
M: Dude! Fatuous people like Palin and Limbaugh need the
mirrors as not to forget their own identities in case they pass gas and faint
to the odor of the multivitamin meal
replacements that she inhales and the hors
d’oeuvre vittles he grubs.
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