Man! Dude! Session #220: The Knights of Christendom

(D)ude: Man! My brother’s kids were here this morning before school and I was in my pajamas serving them ice cream and cake for breakfast. The youngest, four-years-old, smiled and listed the alphabets up to the letter “J” and then scrambled all the proceeding letters into a great big jumble before deciding to imitate an elephant in the middle of the living room. I asked my brother about the quality of the kids’ preschool and kindergarten and the kids took the meaning of my inquiry personally and began to cry.

(M)an: Dude! I don’t think there are longitudinal studies out there to fully assess the effects of a tech savvy and computer oriented society on child development.

D: Man! I observed child development in the wild this morning in my kitchen as I was portioning and serving cake and ice cream.

M: Dude! Professor Richard Byrne and his doctoral student Anna Smet of the University of St. Andrew’s in the United Kingdom conducted research and concluded that elephants have an inherent ability, like domesticated dogs, to understand the concept of pointing. See the picture? Yes, I doctored it quite a bit, but initially you have Ann Smet pointing with her finger to a specific object and the elephant actually grasping the pointed out object.  

D: Man! Isn’t that due to the increased capabilities of humans to communicate and interact with the huge and intimidating beasts gradually over the last couple of hundreds of years?

M: Dude! No, human interaction is not necessary or integral in getting the elephant to grasp the concept of pointing. However, when Byrne and Smet gazed in the direction of the object of interest with their eyes, the elephants did not appear to comprehend because of poor eyesight, not a lack in ability.

D: Man! Why do elephants have poor eyesight?

M: Dude! Visit your brother’s kids at preschool and kindergarten, chances are pretty high that you’ll be an involuntary accessory to their powerful imaginative capabilities.

D: Man! The thought of visiting a classroom filled with preschoolers or kindergarteners makes me desirous of ibuprofen and/or a Diet Dr. Pepper.

M: Dude! Chris Christie did not want to be placed on the same ballot as Cory Booker. Therefore, Christie planned Cory Booker’s election for tomorrow, October 16^th, and his own reelection attempt for November 5, 2013.

D: Man! The GOP wants this fiscal impasse in order to commit broad based Elections Fraud in the 2013 and 2014 midterms. That is why New Jersey Governor Chris Christie and his pal New Jersey junior Senator Jeff Chiesa were visiting Senator Mitch McConnell last Thursday when Christie made an abrupt appearance in Washington, DC and claimed to be visiting friends. Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell is up for reelection this November 5, 2013 as well.

M: Dude! Governor Christie has maneuvered his rival into the Twilight Zone with his Tea Party lethality of directed misleads. Democratic State Senator Barbara Buono needs to buckle down and not fall victim to her opponent’s fringe rightwing bogus. Christie and Buono have their last debate tonight and Buono released her own medical records because Christie took the entire direction of their debate into absurd crudity by promising to release his own medical records.   

D: Man! Chris Christie is desperately making Tea Party gags about issues like his weight. I have an expanded waist line myself sometimes, doesn’t everybody? However, I would not dare go onto the David Letterman Show and take a bite of the donuts extracted from my coat pockets. I have never heard Chris Christie discuss any tough issues facing New Jersey! He’s always prancing about like a castigated soul sufferer. Very much like George W. Bush’s deliberately planned and aimless addresses.  

M: Dude! Chris Christie was the guy who did the campaigning side of the George W. Cheney epidemic that thrived for eight consecutive years, while Ted Cruz took care of the paperwork to hide all the evidence of having been the perpetrator who released the George W. Cheney affliction onto these United States. We’re still suffering from the side effects of all that decrepitude.

D: Man! We’re going into another fiscal infirmity soon because House Speaker John Boehner and his Congressional Republicans are incensed over not being able to obstruct anyone beside themselves and their brand of lying and cheating.

M: Dude! Who knows how much federal money the Republican state legislators will be pocketing and funneling into private bank accounts in the Caribbean and elsewhere. That’s why the Republicans want US to default: To be able to better serve their starving purses by creating such a financial tumult to make up for all those years we have not reengaged in constant warfare and militaristic engagements that stamp out those who don’t fit Kentucky Senator Rand Paul’s theorizations of Christendom versus otherness. 

D: Man! The likes of Rand Paul and Marco Rubio go to Israel to create a façade of concern and compassion. The Tea Party and the Republican Party and the GOP are all synonymous. The tactic of creating a mass confusion over this terminology began with the lack of transparency adopted by George 

W. Bush and Dick Cheney and their order of double-dealing crooks.  

M: Dude! Talking about crooks and secretive frat meetings between Chris Christie and Mitch McConnell, Kentucky Secretary of State and Democratic challenger, for the U.S. Senate seat that McConnell currently fills, Alison Lundergan Grimes has outraised the incumbent McConnell. In fact, Lundergan Grimes exceeded fundraising goals set by her campaign team, according to Joseph Gerth and Tom Loftus of courier-journal.com.

D: Man! I think Chris Christie advised Mitch McConnell on the debt-ceiling impasse. I think there was an error, however. Christie and McConnell should have advised House Speaker John Boehner on how to negotiate. I still don’t understand the obstructionist measures John Boehner tried to tie into the end of the government shutdown. Like making the lawmakers and staffers pay their health insurance premiums in full, or denying lawmakers and staffers employer assistance to buy their health care.

M: Dude! Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and Minority Leader Mitch McConnell are probably going to have to resolve this by utilizing parliamentary procedure after all. But if Harry Reid is unable to move the deal to the floor of the Senate Wednesday for a vote in favor of a resolution then he would have to secure 60 votes to end debate and allow a majority vote on Friday.

D: Man! What about Thursday?

M: Dude! That’s when Senator Rand Paul, the knight of Christendom, makes his way to the Senate Floor and pronounces pronouncements and renounces US as students of history needing to be enlightened by him until nature speaks and he must take leave and appoint another to take to the dais.

D: Man! Rand Paul and Ted Cruz hath better take a dictionary up there and entertain US with coherent pronouncements, at least! They sound like Sarah Palin and Reince Preibus when they’re in middle of a hangover. I bet you that Rand Paul and Ted Cruz will lose their grip and start reading out words that are curses as well. They will condemn the dictionary if they take it onto the Senate Floor.