(D)ude: Man! Every time I put on a suit and tie, I always
make sure to stand in the bathroom mirror and orate before an audience of me,
myself, and I. How about you?
(M)an: Dude! Listen.
My mother told me a long time ago… Do the job you have at the moment the best
you possibly can and the future will take care of itself. The fact is there
have been people talking about me running for president since 2010 and they all
said I would do it in 2012 and I said I wouldn’t and I didn’t. And the fact is,
after 2017 I’m going to be looking for another job anyway.
D: Man! You really did sound like Chris Christie just then!
Your impression was impeccable.
M: Dude! I’m going to
continue to do my job the best way I possibly can and I’m not going to declare tonight…
that I am or I am not running for president and you know what? People don’t
expect me to, they expect me to do my job.
D: Man! But why should the people of Democratic New Jersey
vote for you?
M: Dude! I don’t
think anybody in America or in the state of New Jersey expects anybody three
years away to tell them what they are going to do. Life’s too long. I won’t make
those decisions until I have to. The only person obsessed with 2016 on this
stage is Senator Buono. I can walk and chew gum at the same time. I can do this
job and also deal with my future.
D: Man! You know, Governor Christie, you refer to and
address other politicians and your own constituents as “idiot” or “stupid”… Why
do you degrade the governorship in such a fashion?
M: Dude! No. In fact,
quite the opposite. What the people of New Jersey want is someone who’s real,
and will tell them the truth as he sees it, and that’s what I’ve done for four
years. And that’s what I’ve done- told them the truth. Sometimes truth they
didn’t necessarily want to hear, but that’s what leadership is about… It’s
about telling the truth as you see it.
D: Man! You are reviling and berating. And don’t you dare
revile and berate me!
M: Dude! At the end
of the day from my perspective I think if people had a chance between prepackaged,
blow-dried politicians or people who just say it the way it is, I think they
would take the latter. Sometimes folks have to know that people who act in a
certain way, that they’re going to be called out on it. Here’s what the people
of New Jersey all know- I am who I am and I’m not going to change.
D: Man! You’re wanting the people of New Jersey to decide
whether same sex marriage should be recognized legally by placing the issue on
the ballot. But the deadline to register to vote in the November 5, 2013
election is this coming Tuesday, October 15, 2013 and involves specific voter
ID requirements as well.
M: Dude! I believe that
the institution of marriage for 2,000 years is between a man and a woman, and
if they’re going to change that definition of marriage, I don’t think that
should be decided by 121 politicians in Trenton or nine judges on the Supreme
Court.
D: Man! You’re a contradictory conman! What of the special
election this Wednesday, October 16, 2013? Are you aware that Sarah Palin is
endorsing Steve Lonegan, the Republican candidate for junior senator from New
Jersey?
M: Dude! I’d rather,
instead of giving opinions, rather let my conduct show what my record is and my
conduct is this, we’re encouraging people to vote.
D: Man! You’re a slick one! Have you ever voted for a
Democrat?
M: Dude! I haven’t,
but I’m hopeful.
D: Man! You’re conniving! You just take and never give back
in return, except to the GOP, the same conglomerate that deserted you in times
of crisis, like Hurricane Sandy. You are a brownnoser extraordinaire from both
campaigns of George W. Cheney.
M: Dude! If I was in
the Senate right now, I’d kill myself. This is why I’ve never had an interest
in being in a legislative body.
D: Man! You were a legislator! You were a Morris County, New
Jersey Freeholder! And you lost the bid for a New Jersey General Assembly seat
in the Republican primary with considerable margin.
M: Dude! This is why
I’ve never had an interest in being in a legislative body. If I were in the
Senate right now, I’d kill myself.
D: Man! If you were in the Senate, which weapon from the shameless
NRA plethora of arsenal possibilities would you choose to utilize in order to
kill yourself?
M: Dude! Idiot!
D: Man! That’s what you said to a former Navy SEAL!
M: Dude! Numb-nuts!
D: Man! That’s what you said to gay rights activist Reed
Gusciora!
M: Dude! Get the hell
off the beach!
D: Man! That is what you said to constituents in the path of
Hurricane Irene!
M: Dude! The fact of
the matter is, I think people would have been happy to have a referendum on
civil rights rather than fighting and dying in the streets in the South.
D: Man! You’re the most dangerous man in American politics
right now!
M: Dude! And I apologize
for that, because that's my job. My job is to clearly communicate all the time.
And so to those folks out there who were somehow offended or concerned about
the ambiguity in my statement, I apologize for that because very clearly what I
was trying to say, I said yesterday at the press conference about 5 or 6 times.
D: Man! What exactly did you say at that press conference about 5 or 6
times?
M: Dude! Dude! Dude! I don’t want to role-play that mess anymore!
Please! Please! Please! No more of that serpentine Tea Party Republican GOP despot!
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