Man! Dude! Session #201

(M)an: Dude! Texas Senator Ted Cruz is after Obamacare again, releasing a statement emphasizing the importance of getting it repealed yet once again.

(D)ude: Man! I have seriously concluded that Texas Senator Ted Cruz and other Republican GOP leaders do not read the proposals on their desks. Because of this lack of reading comprehension on the part of the Republican Party, we’ve got a literacy crisis amongst the status quo representatives of government.

M: Dude! We will have to address this literacy crisis with some doubt. You see, if Ted Cruz and his party were to read the classified documents and have to raise coherent inquiries into matters of national security and international peace, then they would lose their backwoods constituencies that they have brought into the spotlight alongside themselves due to this cheating phenomenon gerrymandering.

D: Man! There’s another phenomenon of the Republican Party that I would like to address and that is these obtuse spectacles that Ted Cruz and party membership stage on the television screen with the likes of evening news anchors and pundits.

M: Dude! Ted Cruz and the Republican Party live in an alternative reality that was legitimately addressable when we were in elementary school. It is the pomp and pageantry reminiscent of the ways we used to play with those plastic soldiers that came with their feet and knees attached to a piece of plastic so that we could place them in all kinds of allegiances and even as stand alones.

D: Man! The G.I. Joe World of the GOP? I already knew of their limited intellectual capacities, but that the GOP actually carried over their games of childhood into their political schemes is over the top!

M: Dude! How else do you explain their incredible scenarios that they so willingly disclose to audiences? Implausible situations that don’t even warrant a Situation Room, just a gut instinct that settles into the mind after long hours playing with action figurines, is to me unheard of management by the Republican GOP.

D: Man! Texas Senator Ted Cruz is one of those folks who watch productions of Les Miserables at the Fort Worth Casa Manana and come out of the theatre declaring they know Victor Hugo and that they are crusaders in much the same way as the legendary writer.

M: Dude! Ted Cruz cannot differentiate between the Casa Manana’s Apprentice Program presentations and the actual professional performances! In fact, he and Texas Representative Ron Paul are notorious voyeurs at the Kimbell Art Museum. They have been frequenting the museum thanks to board member Alice Walton’s Republican financial sentiments for over the past decade.

D: Man! Notorious voyeurs? What? They actually get a kick out of the men or women portrayed in the exhibits?

M: Dude! They’re very gender neutral in their orientations, but are easily enthralled by Picasso and Frida Kahlo’s husband, the muralist Diego Rivera. The two Republicans consider themselves as knowing the soul of Spain through the former and that of Mexico through the later.

D: Man! It would probably be more suitable to consider them as knowing the bosoms of the two nations and their respective countrymen, no? And didn’t Alice Walton defile the Amon Carter Museum, not the Kimbell?

M: Dude! Excuse me as I sneeze, eh, eh, Norman Podhoretz, coo! Oh! My! Excuse me!

D: Man! Thanks for the reminder. Norman Podhoretz revealed himself to be the infamous loophole speechwriter of the Republican Party 2013 in The Wall Street Journal’s Op-Ed yesterday. I am glad to finally know the late William Buckley’s prejudicial garbler replacement. I really don’t like these guys. They give me the chills.

M: Dude! Yeah, they have made me want to wear sweaters throughout the summer. Is it autumn yet?

D: Man! No?

M: Dude! No?

D: Man! Yes.

M: Dude! NASA ought to focus on places like Fukushima and Chernobyl as training ground for the astronauts that will be manning the mission to Mars in 2016. In fact, they ought to create a space center in middle of landfills and toxic dumpsites worldwide for future explorers to not just get the training they will need, but actually do something for Planet Earth in return for its invaluable services to humanity!

D: Man! Our brothers and sisters in Japan and Russia would benefit tremendously from the space exploration engineers at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory at the California Institute of Technology and elsewhere around the globe. There could be peace treaties signed upon the promises made between the Canadian and the Russian engineers that are collaborating with United States and countless others in this plan forward towards Mars settlements.

M: Dude! It is a nonreturnable route, you know?

D: Man! Did you know we are experiencing “La Nada” weather conditions across the Pacific Ocean right now that are making it close to impossible for weather forecasters to predict what to anticipate?

M: Dude! La Nada?

D: Man! Long-range forecasts are available during El Nino and El Nina satellite signals from the sea surface. But we are experiencing neither the El Nino nor El Nina right now.

M: Dude! How about if we get G.I. Cruz and G.I. Paul to go into a hypothetical theatre of war in middle of the Pacific Ocean and try out their strategies and scenarios of degrading whatever they propose. I mean, their party has already pocketed and suppressed everything on the United States homeland, that they might as well be lifted and placed in middle of nowhere with zero access to a treasury or artillery.

D: Man! G.I. Cruz even proposed going into the theatre of unrest at the moment in the Middle East and return within an hour with the mission accomplished.

M: Dude! What is G.I. Cruz’s mission in the Middle East?

D: Man! The same as G.I. McCain! Just dethrone all the regimes and degrade all the WMD even if half the Republican Party cannot remember what he acronym stands for the majority of the time.

M: Dude! At this moment in time the only acronyms in the Republican Party’s vocabulary are PTOH-PTAH-PTUK-BAM-BAM-THAH-THUH!

D: Man! Did you just aim your index fingers at me with your thumbs in the air as if we were back in childhood playing with plastic green soldiers about the third of the size of a computer mouse?

M: Dude! They were so small but I am certain I saw them in camouflage versions too!

D: Man! The camouflaged versions came from Toys R Us. The ones we played with came from the toy aisle at the local Piggly Wiggly.