Man! Dude! Session #182

(D)ude: Man! I was reasoning, with myself just now, about being a Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson combination medical researcher, particularly a physician.

(M)an: Dude! Is that right? If so, it’s no big thing. I’ve dreamt of being Holmes and Watson, but not as a combo pack but individually.

D: Man! The modern version of me being they would entail such spectacle. I would be able to deduce incredibly, so that I could just look at the way a gent or gal slurped up their finality of a strawberry milkshake and come to a conclusive answer as to that particular patient’s vitality and strength to supersede the gods and goddesses.

M: Dude! You could basically glean answers from the most unrelated realities in an individual’s life or 

the lives of individuals and diagnose or prognosticate upon their spheres of existence?

D: Man! I feel really vulnerable after sharing such an innermost revelation!

M: Dude! I attend Gumbi’s graduation party every night in my sleep! And, get this, Gumbi actually appears fully equipped for a skydiving expedition and refuses to eat his cake in order to not be too full to nosedive out of the plane.

D: Man! Huh? The only time I’ve had the vision of that cartoon character has been in reruns on public television or SNL classics from the seventies.

M: Dude! Remember the shadows cast on my bedroom ceiling due to the installment of that ceiling fan that always manages to sway right and left on its hinges whenever it’s manipulated! Remember?

D: Man! I don’t know about any one particular ceiling fan, all of the installments that you have set up in your place have been unsteady and swaying. Reminds me of the latest adult film by Ashton Kutcher. I never knew the former second husband of Demi Moore’s to be into blue theatrics.

M: Dude! Ashton Kutcher is in an adult film? That’s nothing to be surprised about. Ashton Kutcher’s face resembles naughty bits, don’t you think?

D: Man! Josh Gad’s long and curly hair are so saturated with hair tonic at times whenever onscreen with Ashton Kutcher’s limping bangs, the two men look like cheap car sales men who got a shot in the dark to accompany Tom Jones’ troupe, but chose to take a detour through the adult film industry instead.  

M: Dude! Josh Gad’s hair take on the texture of a rat’s when not saturated with some kind of hair tonic, while Ashton Kutcher’s portrayal of any serious character onscreen comprises of making as constipated a face as possible with the signature pursed lips and semi-crossed brows.

D: Man! Josh Gad and Ashton Kutcher need to be thrown to the cleaners. I don’t think my aunt’s dry cleaning facility would be able to scrub the unkempt all-over rottenness that the two sleazes’ characters resonate throughout their films. 

M: Dude! Adult film stars Gad and Kutcher need to understand their allotment in Hollywood alongside adult film has-beens.  

D: Man! Would a good hair conditioner be able to resolve the texture of Josh Gad’s profane hair?

M: Dude! I think Kutcher and Gad’s hair were stranded profanities. As far as a conditioner being able to reconcile such vileness, I think not.

D: Man! Not even Revlon?

M: Dude! What’s up with Revlon?

D: Man! You’re the one who introduced me to the packets of conditioners that accompany every hair dye kit, remember?

M: Dude! I always utilize the packets of conditioner that come with the dye, don’t I?

D: Man! No! If not always, you certainly have on many occasions opted out of using the conditioning packets for the Head & Shoulders.

M: Dude! Head & Shoulders is a great shampoo, but Revlon is hands down the best brand of conditioner and hair dye out there.

D: Man! Have you noticed how I’ve started coloring and styling my hair?

M: Dude! No kidding?

D: Man! Yes! Look! They’re soft and manageable, regardless of how much time I spend drying and combing them after every application.

M: Dude! Since when have you gotten spiffy and conscious about grey hair?

D: Man! Two months ago? Either that or at least sometime after my niece’s spring break, I’m not exactly sure.

M: Dude! How is she? Did she have a hand to play in your sudden self-awareness?

D: Man! She’s doing absolutely fine and, yes, she played a major part in my suddenly undertaking high maintenance grooming customs.

M: Dude! You’ve never been an adaptable personality! This is impressive!

D: Man! I informed my niece that, however unprofessional and unethical, I would be visiting her practice and seeking services from her no matter what she was administering, as long as it did not involve dental work or ocular manipulations.

M: Dude! Ocular manipulations?

D: Man! I’ve heard a lot about how Lasik eye surgery has become more sophisticated, but that cannot erase the fact that my Uncle Walter’s still mistaking his wife for the gardener.

M: Dude! That is understandable. If I lived with someone so gung ho about her air fresheners and bug repellents, as is Uncle Walter’s wife, I would too be in an identification stupor myself!

D: Man! Could be the inhalants? I think so. I read somewhere that you had to do thrice as many word finds or at least an extra crossword puzzle as you inhaled cans of these sprays in order to makeup for the net loss in brain cells.