Man! Dude! Session #181

(M)an: Dude! Jeff Bezos of Amazon purchased The Washington Post for $250 million dollars today and the Koch Brothers are in the prospects of acquiring the Tribune newspapers. I wonder what kind of political affiliations Bezos will build in the upcoming years, besides having started his ascension in the Grey Poupon league of American financiers.  

(D)ude: Man! There’s a Grey Poupon league of American financiers? Very interesting! I always wondered what particular uses there were for maintaining a Rolls Royce automotive or, even more dreadful than that, an entire fleet of such luxury vehicles. But you have answered my question multifold and, I am afraid, I may not have much to say about that particular point you just made as a result of the substantiality of the answer you gave.

M: Dude! The substantiality of the answer I just gave? You’re beginning to sound as if you too have an honorary membership in the Grey Poupon league of American financiers! Knock it off!

D: Man! Do you think we could dress up in those tuxedos that sustained such irreparable damages that the formal wear rental shop owners just threw their hands up in despair and gifted them to us to wash and wear in return for the guarantee that we would not return?

M: Dude! I don’t know about the tuxedos, that wedding was fifteen years ago. And I think, I may be mistaken, that we both are too misshapen to fit ourselves into the otherwise perfect potential costume party garb.

D: Man! You think we’ve gained weight? Yeah, I admit that I cannot comfortably fit into my fitted tees and rely on my loose fitting sports tees. If you by happenchance come across a Texas Occidental Franchise University tee, let me know, okay?

M: Dude! You bought TOFU shirts?

D: Man! No! A couple of guys at work came across some white TOFU tees, the kind that have the tiny emblem close to the chest area, and the quality of the fabric was astonishingly unlike TOFU, cultured and subtle.

M: Dude! I will make sure to spread some Grey Poupon on all the tees’ emblems, no matter how inconspicuous they may be.

D: Man! That’s an excellent idea! Let’s make a Grey Poupon sophisticates-versus-watered down condiments that stay on the restaurant tables untouched by the staff, hence overly caked up and unhygienic as a result.  

M: Dude! Don’t tell that to the conservatives. Let them pour from those grimy glass condiment vials with the eroded ketchup or dressing tops and tips.

D: Man! I’ve been reading the epic slapstick memoir of a father’s final sins entitled After Visiting Friends by Michael Hainey. It is the best summer read thus far.

M: Dude! So what’s it like to read? Have you finished reading it in time for me to read it as well before it’s due back at the public library?

D: Man! I rechecked it just so you could also experience the cleverness within the overall metaphorical angst of the author over not having had his father’s company after the age of  eight years.

M: Dude! It sounds like a promising melody of Lionel Richie’s right before Lionel starts heavily panting his laments. Don’t get me wrong, I anticipate All Night Long or Dancing on the Ceiling before being hunkered down with Hello or Say You, Say Me.   

D: Man! Initially, I thought Michael Hainey should visit my parents. My father would dad him up. There’s an extra bedroom where he would stay with a desk and revolving chair to address plausible epiphanies on paper after entire days with my father. Yeah, my father would dad him well.

M: Dude! You’re father can resuscitate and reenergize the spirits of Kim Jong-un and all four of Mohamed Morsi’s exasperatingly oppressive sons towards the adoption of democratic tomorrows for North Korea and Egypt.

D: Man! Tom Moffett and Natty Bumppo are classic characters out of the pages of Michael Hainey’s late father’s life story. They do not disappoint for even a moment. They actually have the best lines in the entire flick.

M: Dude! It’s nonfiction, right? And it’s a book, yes?

D: Man! No, it’s more like nonfiction left. But, yes, it is a book.

M: Dude! You just lost me there!

D: Man! I’ll be sure to assist you in finding your way around existentially. I promise.

M: Dude! I don’t need existential assistance! If you could just hand over the book sometime before the end of this week, I assure you I will look after myself adequately.

D: Man! Now, are you sure about this? Adequate is not enough for one’s soul’s replenishment.

M: Dude! Enough already!

D: Man! You’re getting very Jong-un and Morsi. Do you want to talk about it?   

M: Dude! What is it?

D: Man! Lionel Richie’s b-sides sure have you in a slump. How about some of Joan Jett’s b-sides?

M: Dude! I know! I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll will jumpstart my existential blasé at the moment.

D: Man! Just tell me when, I’ll schedule you into my father’s schedule.

M: Dude! My father dads me up sufficiently. Enough said.

D: Man! That’s good to hear. Actually, I could use some of your father’s insight. You know what I think he would say? He’d definitely sound off the alarm at the bringing up of such existential malaises like Kim Jong-un and Morsi’s sons.

M: Dude! Dude! Dude!

D: Man! That’s the way! Laugh out and embrace your own a-side anthem! Hey, by the way, would that be Def Leppard’s Pour Some Sugar or Lita Ford’s Kiss Me?

M: Dude! Definitely the latter!

D: Man! Enough said. I prefer the former anyways.

M: Dude! What if the Koch Brothers were to buy Wikipedia? What then?

D: Man! John Boehner would be the man with the answers in Washington, Paul Ryan would be the philosopher extraordinaire, Rand Paul would be the humanitarian, Newt Gingrich will have usurped the Nobel Economics Prize somewhere in current history, and John McCain will have burped up a couple of medallions of peace himself while castigating the disenfranchised, which would never be broadcast. 

Except for Google News, that is.

M: Dude! I cannot imagine living in the world of Koch, especially with Republican Muppets and a segregated Sesame Street where Grover insists upon serving restaurant goers with fly-infested soup deliberately.

D: Man! And Oscar the Grouch being artificially selected in the evolutionary bigotry because Donald Trump likes everything green or gold.

M: Dude! In that case, Big Bird too would be elevated to specialness, hence, perpetuation.

D: Man! A totalitarian regime on Mister Rogers would annihilate the cultural differences and star just 

the princes Tuesday and Wednesday.

M: Dude! Koch would insist on the animal puppetry not be enmeshed with human representations, which would, according to the Grand Old Party, be the precursor of a time of excessive peachy felt everywhere.

D: Man! The infestation of peachy felt frightens me immensely!

M:: Dude! Imagine a world with just yellow yarn!

D: Man! Yikes!