Man! Dude! Session #171

(M)an: Dude! It’s been nine months since Hurricane Sandy’s maddening magnitude destroyed homes and businesses and the lives of countless.

(D)ude: Man! This is incredible! I was just trying to figure out how the Windfall Elimination Provision, or WEP, would affect my social security benefit!

M: Dude! If you have been on the job twenty years or less, than that WEP reduction is limited to one-half your pension from work not covered by Social Security.

D: Man! This is getting to be a little too mathematical! It’s time to start obfuscating pensioners in major cities across the United States the way the Michigan GOP is doing in Detroit at the moment.

M: Dude! Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey is really depending heavily on the private sector for rebuilding places like Union Beach, New Jersey. Husband Bobby and wife Pamela Vazquez decided to ride out the storm and survived the behemoth. But right afterwards, their personal home insurance company bailed out on them, stating that they only covered wind damage and that the couple’s house sustained damage by flooding, therefore their claim was denied coverage. 

D: Man! What about FEMA?

M: Dude! The Federal Emergency Management Agency also denied them coverage on a technicality: Since the couple was paying mortgage to Pamela’s father, FEMA declared the property not theirs, but Pamela’s father’s second residence, therefore denying financial aide.

D: Man! Technicalities are so Republican! And I clearly remember Chris Christie reiterating how he would facilitate investigations into the insurance coverage needs of the victims and their families, including working alongside FEMA to rev up the momentum and get everybody resituated. And since then, Governor Christie has hung out with David Letterman and Prince Harry.

M: Dude! The royal heir is anything but diminutive and teensy-weensy! He’s quite bequeathed with immensity: A whopping 8 pounds and 6 ounces!

D: Man! Many happy returns of the day to Catherine and William!

M: Dude! You really woke up on the side of the unabashed sunrise this morning!

D: Man! Did you know that I actually had to take a sprint around the block just to get Kevyn Orr and Michigan Governor Rick Snyder sorted out in my mind?

M: Dude! So what point were you trying to make with the Windfall Elimination Provision or WEP?

D: Man! I was reading Solutions: The Woman’s Crisis Handbook by Lauren Hartman, and came across some insights that I had never pondered. They probably have a crisis handbook for men, but I like this particular book by Lauren Hartman.

M: Dude! It was published in 1997! At least get the updated version, it’s been sixteen years since my mother gifted it! I think she’ll understand the upgrade!

D: Man! I am very disappointed by your apparent lack of reprising my detailing skills. Look closely at the elaborate notes I’ve taken alongside the margins. Impressed?

M: Dude! This chicken scratch is actually discernable?

D: Man! It’s my chicken scratch! Of course it is discernable!

M: Dude! Tell me what this line says! What’s the matter? Cannot figure it out?

D: Man! I would have to read the paragraph in order to truly appreciate that particular insight I have written there.

M: Dude! Seriously?

D: Man! It was an impassioned read for me! Did you know that there is a federal law that forbids debt collectors from deceptive practices? It’s right here: The FDCPA.

M: Dude! The Fair Debt Collection Practices Act! It’s so clearly spelled out in the running main text!

D: Man! There should be The Fair Collateral Practices Act of 2013 in the wake of this Republican Cheaters Expressway in Michigan. You know, if President Obama were to take from the Social Security Administration the way George W. remained disengaged from the welfare of the American people, there would not be an issue pending in Detroit, Michigan. Our sons and daughters in uniform would be reengaged in furthering warfronts. The terrorists who escaped the Iraqi prison system today probably have roots in the Bush Dynastic Offensives.

M: Dude! Bobby and Pamela finally received a bare $32,000 for pursuing FEMA and were placed in an army post where they can reside until this September. They also found solace in church activities through the kindness of Minister Carl Williamson.

D: Man! What has been the outcome with Minister Carl Williamson in their lives? Did they get 

baptized and now a part of Williamson’s parish?

M: Dude! They did get baptized and are part of the parish, but I don’t agree at all with your sarcastic undertone. Remember that Martin Luther King, Jr. actually labored away in his study for 15 hours and more in order to bring the world those sermons of that indestructibility that still is present when we stand up and cry for civil rights.

D: I’m sorry. I did not mean to demean or demolish the humanity within me as I did.

M: Dude! So what’s the situation with Detroit’s Emergency Manager Kevyn Orr?

D: Man! He’s adamant that his and Governor Snyder’s take on the troubles is irrefutable. That federal bankruptcy laws are only applicable to this case and that they supersede the state’s constitution, Kevyn Orr is essentially making an argument in clear contrast to the way the states have been declaring state mandates on abortions superseding Roe versus Wade.

M: Dude! The Republican Party is rampaging with the lives of pensioners- that include folks like police officers and fire fighters- whose livelihoods they want to slash with this double-edged sword that swings in one direction and kills essential components of democracy and then swings the other way and kills essential components of common decency.

D: Man! Do you think the Republican state legislatures have essentially been pocketing the pensions that pensioners are scheduled to receive in a future that is coming nearer and nearer?

M: Dude! Speculate for the worse with the Republicans and thank heavens for the Democratic White House think tanks. And the move to confront the filibustering Republicans made by Senator Harry Reid. Maybe Elizabeth Warren can figure out a branch in the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau to combat what happened to Bobby and Pamela of Union Beach, New Jersey, and pensioners like the ones in Detroit and beyond that are being told they will be facing a severance of the severest sort, despite having worked their entire lives for moments like retirement, reflection, and remembrances.