Man! Dude! Session #172

(D)ude: Man! The newborn unnamed prince is quite the butternut. Well, probably more spaghetti squash-like than the kind I just mentioned then.

(M)an: Dude! What’s the matter with you? Comparing the royal heir to winter squash is very unmannerly.

D: Man! Tell me what to do with my time away from the computer!

M: Dude! It’s right there!

D: Man! It’s presence lacks relevance!

M: Dude! What?

D: Man! My twitter account was downed a couple weeks ago and now my account has been subjected to probationary status. Can you believe that they actually had me verify if I were human?

M: Dude! Don’t take it personally. Computers sometimes can be made to automatically take over the actions for a standing account.

D: Man! Mine was not standing. It has been deflated.

M: Dude! What?

D: Man! I cannot tweet the way I could just two days ago!

M: Dude! So what’s exactly the situation in terms of number of tweets you have posted?

D: Man! I only tweeted six times yesterday! And I had to close and reopen my account every single time in order to resist the automated locks set in place.

M: Dude! Why the automated locks? It’s not like you’re sending over two hundred tweets daily or nightly!

D: Man! Two hundred and fifty has been my minimum, day or night.

M: Dude! No wonder you managed to get yourself on twitter probation! I know you cannot possibly be interested in two hundred and fifty everyday people.

D: Man! Everyday people? Nah. You’re right, they’re of no interest to me on Twitter. However, celebrity accounts are quite interestingly entertaining!

M: Dude! You haven’t been forwarding political offshoots from your daily blusters?

D: Man! You know I have not inhaled anything illicit since that trip through the Canadian frontier.

M: Dude! How many times do I have to remind you that what you inhaled throughout that trip to Canada was nothing but vapor rub applied to your chest to soothe your dogged coughs.

D: Man! Who applied that vapor rub? Please don’t answer if it was Uncle Gary! Because if it was he, I am absolutely certain he gave me some cigar smoke to inhale as well as the vapor rub.   

M: Dude! You’re right about Uncle Gary. But remember that Aunt Wren got him to surrender not just his cigar box but tobacco spittoon as well.

D: Man! Bless Aunt Wren! I am certain if she had lived to see this day’s news events, she’d be preparing a list of recommendable names for Prince William and Duchess Kate’s baby boy while endlessly stirring frantically her vanilla mousse. She probably would have insisted that Duchess Kate abandon the vegetable curries she consumed throughout her pregnancy.

M: Dude! No wonder! You’re hung up over the vegetable curries, hence the references paralleling the royal newborn with winter squash.

D: Man! What about my probationary status with Twitter?

M: Dude! From what I’ve figured out, you’re lucky you haven’t been held accountable for polluting Twitter with those daily stats! Two hundred and fifty! Why?

D: Man! I was committing Twitter pollution? What about the back and forth between the Faux News Channel’s arrays of rotting cabbages?

M: Dude! Glenn Beck and Geraldo Rivera are grossly misunderstood if they cannot see the sickliness they espouse. I am surprised that the two prepossessed hussies haven’t been downed from Twitter!

D: Man! They’re so yesterday! They were actually so impressed with themselves and each other that they got together with Rush Limbaugh and Allen West and spent this past weekend ensconced in Bill O’Reilly’s gladiolas in order to catch a glimpse of Sean Hannity preparing beet greens and turnips.  

M: Dude! No wonder they’re so bouncy in their chairs at Faux News! There is some serious fermenting going on in their guts!

D: Man! I did not say legumes, did I?

M: Dude! No, you did not.

D: Man! Yeah! I remember saying beet greens and turnips!

M: Dude! Rush Limbaugh, Allen West, Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, Geraldo Rivera, and Glenn Beck are comprised of pods, bulbs, roots, and guano.

D: Man! Don’t mix those imbeciles with pods, bulbs, and roots! Guano? That’s the truth within these self-proclaimed men. Actually, I couldn’t have reiterated anything better than that myself.

M: Dude! Can I see what you have tweeted thus far? Or, reworded and reworked like so that I am concluding that you’ve just retrieved your tail inwards like the puppy I trained in the fourth grade. Remember?

D: Man! The one that refused to fuss and just plopped down onto the grass and looked far out in the distance like he could not hear my commands!