Man! Dude! Session #155

(M)an: Dude! Plaza Towers Elementary School’s kindergarteners and first through third graders might not have been evacuated in time!

(D)ude: Man! Your Aunt Lola lives in Moore, Oklahoma!

M: Dude! She’s okay, but her house has been destroyed and the latest is that Plaza Towers Elementary School had students clinging to the walls or their teachers as protective human shields against the horrendous storm.

D: Man! There had been tornado alerts in effect since last Tuesday. Did Aunt Lola take refuge somewhere else?

M: Dude! Apparently, she has been staying with friends elsewhere. But that’s after having learned in the most unfathomable way what severe wreckage results when you’re in the eye of the storm: Aunt Lola and four others survived the harrowing 1999 tornado touchdown because of the presence of a five thousand dollar storm shelter that her friends at that time had constructed underneath their home.

D: Man! That’s smart thinking! I am very disappointed in Google right now. With all the technology they have amassed and those Google glasses coming to a select few sooner and the rest of a select group of society later, you would think they’d come up with a motion sensor device that would be available free to all precincts and fire departments around the world.

M: Dude! I’m upset with Google Glasses too! How many lives could be saved if the harrowing efforts of the first responders and volunteers right this minute could be better enhanced for far more efficient rescuing via technology?

D: Man! There should be a device and mechanism to detect survivors in rubbles who are crying their last breaths in Moore, Oklahoman remains as we probably speak!

M: Dude! The GOP is probably relishing in the disaster as it is unfolding, thinking they can link President Obama to what is unfolding across the Great Plains region of the United States. Oklahoman Governor Mary Fallin and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie are the worst people to handle such crises, as we saw with Hurricane Sandy, Republicans who are just invested in their personal welfare, and crooning away about being able to balance their states’ budgets.

D: Man! Isn’t that something? Balancing state budgets annually is a must for every governor!

M: Dude! The public schools of Oklahoma should have been equipped with fully functioning storm shelters underground on then-Republican Governor Frank Keating’s watch before the 1999 storm hit.

D: Man! The Republican Party is against any ounce of preventative measures and does not care! They pride themselves as conservatives, but I see the present-day Republican Party as criminally filibustering on issues that forsake our fellow Americans’ lives.

M: Dude! The Oklahoman legislators should be ashamed for not bunkering their public schools at least no later than after the 1999 twister!

D: Man! If the United States Congress is choosing actively to not fund environmentally oriented investments in energy advancements and not accepting the fact that humanity’s primarily responsible for the climate changes that have started unraveling faster and faster as the years progress, at least they can equip Americans in harm’s way.

M: Dude! Even Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s Israel is equipped with proper bunkers underneath buildings inside neighborhoods that are targeted relentlessly by air attacks.

D: Man! That’s something to consider, indeed!

M: Dude! John Boehner and Eric Cantor are going to join the Republican carolers soon to amass a media storm over their argument that states be given the right of way to solve their problems independent of the federal government. 

D: Man! Eric Cantor and Paul Ryan love to chime on and on about the private sector’s charities being given the chance to become the sole providers for relief of the electorate’s sufferings.

M: Dude! Job creators must have their monies protected at all costs, including the lives of constituents! That’s the underlying basis for the self-described arrogant Paul Ryan.

D: Man! Paul Ryan thinks that way about the Obama Administration, not himself!

M: Dude! Republican Party kooks like Paul Ryan and Michelle Bachman are quite revelatory about their undemocratic selfish principles.

D: Man! So when Paul Ryan called the Obama Administration arrogant, it was just a hiccup that just leapt inversely from his mouth?

M: Dude! Yeah! And all of the Minnesotan constituents in Michelle Bachman’s congressional district 6 are totally unaware of her tendency to hiccup pretended concerns of theirs to the media in Washington, DC, like impeaching the president and simmering a Glen Echo Country Club’s Minnesota Wild Rice Soup or baking a Minnesota Blueberry Dump Cake.

D: Man! I think Michelle Bachman is wild and dumpy like her Republican colleagues. They have this inherent wild and dumpy stare. It’s like looking right inside a void of pure self-indulgent flagitiousness. They particularly like to hear themselves as impassioned patriots on the House Floor, although there is absolutely nonsense spewing forth, like Faux News is the only television news channel in the world and the GOP squealers will have their voices muted out and replaced by commentary from Sean Hannity et al.

M: Dude! John Dorothy Boehner and Eric Toto Cantor are going to be making decisions that will be anything but conducive, deliberately and criminally obstructionist as always. They will find another Heritage Foundation study and whine about projections of doom and finding some conclusiveness via Jim DeMint that having victims of storms watch The Wizard of Oz is very conducive to rebuilding lives, as Paul Ryan has just submitted such a thesis with Harvard University’s Graduate School of Arts and Sciences.

Man! Dude! Session #154

(D)ude: Man! When American organized laborers suffer, violence and stress and unrest kill middle class structuring and society is fractured by the severity of that backward movement that is enhanced shamefully by the legislative conservative special interests in the United States Congress.

(M)an: Dude! The American electorate majority does not rule legislative efforts and outcomes that are affecting their day-to-day existence because of the Republican Party’s implementation of undemocratic redistricting practices at the state and local levels of United States government.

D: Man! Republican gerrymandering and the Republican filibustering and the Republican opposition to the Affordable Care Act have an overarching connection, but I cannot figure out what the Republican Party is trying to achieve in the short term and the long term.  

M: Dude! It’s the shortest long-term plan! The GOP is essentially confident that they have already gerrymandered enough to secure not just the House of Representatives in 2014, but the United States Senate as well. Imagine the potential of a Republican-run United States Congress.

D: Man! And paying particular attention to the pattern of repealing the Affordable Care Act 

continuously, I suspect that if they do seize both houses of Congress, the Republicans will dismantle at a far more rapid rate the progressive achievements and forward momentum planning and middle class preservation implementations of the Obama Administration.

M: Dude! If and when the Republicans gain control of both houses of the United States Congress, they will repeal the Affordable Care Act as a way to distract from their underlying objective to deregulate and derail democracy and implement a coarse action plan giving employers total control over their employees healthcare, hence, their most intimate personal details while abolishing HIPPA, the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996 that is enforced by the Office for Civil Rights and protects patient identity and safety.

D: Man! There will probably be stipulations set into place whereby employers and corporations can terminate employment on the basis of potential or existing employees speaking up and demanding healthcare coverage.

M: Dude! Then the Republican Party-dominated Congress will utilize the verdict in the Citizens United versus the Federal Election Commission to argue that employers and corporations have the same unalienable rights as constituents. And, get this, the Supreme Court did not lift the ban on direct campaign contributions from corporations or unions to candidates running for federal offices. 

D: Man! No wonder the Republican Party is currently blocking President Obama from making recess appointments to the National Labor Relations Board! The GOP want the NLRB to fade into obscurity to make sure American Workers are not guaranteed protection from employer and corporate abuse and fraud.

M: Dude! The Wall Street Journal declared the National Labor Relations Board quote unquote doubly illegal. But, then again, what can you expect of a news source that employs Peggy Noonan as a columnist. Did you see Noonan address the panelists on Meet The Press?

D: Man! She swayed right and then left physically and evangelically with the most dramatic eyes I’ve seen since the Hitchcock classics while steadfastly sticking to her Republican pitch. She was to Meet The Press what George Will was to This Week with George Stephanopoulos: Did you see Will address the panelists on This Week?

M: Dude! Both Peggy Noonan and George Will are much celebrated at the George W. Bush Presidential Library. I picked up some designer fly swatters with their mugs and some designer mugs with phizogs of the George W.-Cheney-Rice-Rumsfeld years and earlier.

D: Man! George Will revealed a sinister smile at one point on This Week, prompting a chill down my spine very similar to the time I watched the last forty minutes of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I still cannot get the sound and image of that female survivor of such horrific abuse laughing hysterically in the back of a pickup truck in the very last shot of the seventies original.

M: Dude! I couldn't stomach the terrifying scenes, much less the last forty minutes of that Texas horror flick.

D: Man! Yesterday, The Wall Street Journal declared that, I’ve got the article right here next to the toaster. I think it was an opinion piece by Pew Research Center’s Andrew Kohut who declared that there was not a disparity between races in incidences of voter turnout, that there were higher number of African American voters than White voters in historically Confederate states.

M: Dude! Let me see that! Those who want the Supreme Court to overturn the Voting Rights Act's pre-clearance requirements can point to these surveys to show that the racial gap in voting has dramatically diminished, and has arguably disappeared. The legislation has accomplished its objective of ending racial discrimination in voting and is no longer needed. But those who oppose change can counter that it is unwise to change laws that have made such important difference in the workings of democracy.

D: Man! What are you thinking? You look like you’ve just been forced to digest the House Ways and 

Means Committee’s entire manuscript in which they drilled the outgoing IRS chief Steven Miller.

M: Dude! I think I either had an existential tasting of that beet salad at the White House Correspondence Dinner or, far worse, a whiff of Boustany.

D: Man! Boustany? Is that the inverse of a floral bouquet?

M: Dude! Boustany is an olfactory nerve hazard of a dangerous snort!

D: Man! Do you think I have caught a whiff of Boustany? My nose is beginning to tingle! Wait! I think I’m losing my ability to smell! Quickly, pop me a bag of microwavable popcorn! What would I do without you? Man!

Man! Dude! Session #153

(M)an: Dude! Would you like me to share some recommendations that I know you’ll enjoy discovering?

(D)ude: Man! You still haven’t provided any literary solace! I need some escapist literature to help me gain some perspective after having lost so much brainpower with those lousy selections I made recently.

M: Dude! I got the perfect set of four destined-to-become or destined-to-remain classics. They all share a commonality in that their authors are able to say so much more within the realm of decency and conversational ease that your going to mourn when you reach the end of each one of these literary journeys.

D: Man! Okay! Begin listing!

M: Dude! So, the first on my list of must reads is The John Lennon Letters compiled and edited by Hunter Davies, a trusted friend of John Lennon’s and Yoko Ono. Although the book debuted this past fall, it is even more riveting then Living in the Material World, which chronicles the highlights of George Harrison’s life.

D: Man! Does Hunter Davies’ take on Lennon’s life have a similar intimacy?

M: Dude! Hunter Davies actually tracked down the persons John Lennon wrote to, which, by the way, was quite difficult given John Lennon’s habit of responding personally to almost every correspondence he received, including fan mail. The same cannot be said of Lennon’s band mates.

D: Man! I’ve got to get my hands on a copy fast! You said it came out last fall. That’s sufficient time past for me to probably come across a copy at a used books store. 

M: Dude! I secured a copy at the library, but it’s due tomorrow. I’ve checked it twice already, but you’re more than welcome to peruse all the books on the dining room table. They’re all due soon, so I would start relatively quickly if I were you.

D: Man! Thanks a lot! You could have at least shared that tidbit yesterday! I could have juggled some reading with the multitasking I had undertaken then.

M: Dude! There’s today! Why not start right now, this very minute?

D: Man! Are you patronizing me? If you are, you’re doing just as terribly as the Congressional Republicans have been dodging criticism and derision for having whacked the daylights out of deficit talks, only to turn the other way when the GDP has dropped significantly on President Obama’s watch in recent bipartisan analyses.

M: Dude! The Republicans are physical deficits themselves! There is an IQ imparity inside the GOP, so it seems, but we must remember Darrell Issa’s recent bombast that he had way more than enough money and that his son could easily cock-a-doodle-doo as well as subsequent generations of, presumably, Issa men.

D: Man! Darrell Issa and Jeb Bush live in a bubble that will burst with gasconade. Reminds me of how Aristotle Onassis pleaded that he would trade all his fortune to have his son with him again, having perished tragically, dying in an automobile crash.

M: Dude! That is really surprising that you are mentioning the tragic death of Onassis’ son, because my next book recommendation comes from the guy who helped Paul Newman survive through the aftermath of his son’s drug overdose. The two men collaborated on the now-famously distributed brand Newman’s Own.

D: Man! Who is Paul Newman’s trusted friend?

M: Dude! O.J. in the Morning, G & T at Night is a masterfully constructed series of humorous essays by A.E. Hotchner covering the ups and downs of old age, but always exceeding propriety. Hotch, as he is known to friends and family, takes care to be just a distance away from one’s owning up to one’s faults and interpretations.

D: Man! And what about the book in your hand at the moment?

M: Dude! Hotch reminds me of author Dale Carnegie, specifically his endearing classic How to Win Friends & Influence People. Carnegie has tenacity that suggests that he would not keep a low profile if he heard the Congressional Republicans and their hidden Democratic allies harping away at the deficit!

D: Man! And now marinating the triple threat of the Benghazi-IRS-AP scandals hoping that may just keep them away from having to confront the pertinent issues of job growth, investments and a move away from corporate welfare, and consideration for 1 out every 52 Americans who are dependent on government food assistance.

M: Dude! Don’t forget immigration reform!

D: Man! Welcome to the Republican Party’s Divided States of America! There is a state of sequestration in effect, and projections have been made that the pathway to citizenship will entail a minimum wait time of 13 years approximately.

M: Dude! Don’t forget Chained CPI!

D: Man! If the American electorate does not want to move anywhere towards the spectrum of turning up to the voting booths in record numbers to offset the obstructionist Republican Majority in the House of Representatives, then I’m going to collect innumerable funds and delegate a strategy for the movement towards progress by hiring South Asian Hijras to make appointments with GOP leadership and protest on the fact that they are represented in their communities in India better than the poor in the United States.

M: Dude! You’re going to collect innumerable funds?

D: Man! Have you seen the 2010 careers Barbie dressed up as a computer engineer? It would probably be far more conducive to have John Boehner and Eric Cantor play with Barbie dolls on the congressional floor. Although Boehner and Cantor would make dandy cross-dressers, I would think.

M: Dude! Huh? Hijras are going to be protesting! They are far more elegant and cultured than Michelle Bachman and Sarah Palin!

D: Man! Hijras are humanitarians and do not live with anesthetized consciences like Kelly Ayotte and Marco Rubio!

Man! Dude! Session #152

(D)ude: Man! Give me a couple of recommended books to read. I read two and my heart’s sick.

(M)an: Dude! What two books have got you heartsick?

D: Man! Cheryl Strayed’s Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar  and Jeff Bridges’ collaborative effort with Bernie Glassman entitled The Dude and the Zen Master. The two are highly rated on Amazon and elsewhere, but I cannot get past their intellectual depravity and Tea Party undertones.

M: Dude! What about the two?

D: Man! Do you know how Darrell Issa smiles periodically and always inappropriately?

M: Dude! I cannot figure out how he manages through his illiterate trash talks on national television with those rife half-smiles and smirks that he employs in attempts to derail United States Attorney General Eric Holder and disrespect the fallen in the Benghazi tragedy by employing his sleazy reactions when enunciating the Libyan capital and words like “murder”…  

D: Man! Cheryl Strayed and Jeff Bridges and Bernie Glassman’s words are laced heavily with the same Darrell Issa illiterateness that you masterfully delineated just now. Strayed at one point even chooses to disclose her own sexual abuse as something that she overcame, but, like the Tea Party, I think she is working on her own hang-ups and never cared to pursue a complete writing cycle: Her book reads like a rough draft. Reminds me of Anne Lamott’s shameless rehashing of Steven King’s On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft.

M: Dude! Anne Lamott’s rehashing, entitled Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life, actually won an Audie for its audiobook version.

D: Man! Jeff Bridges and Bernie Glassman are perverted and outright vulgar, like John Boehner and Chris Christie. Jeff Bridges’ words are packed with obscene and mean-spirited innuendos and Bernie Glassman, the so-called Zen Master, succumbs to fulfilling his friend and collaborator’s ribald ugliness.   

M: Dude! Speaker of the House of Representatives John Boehner’s incompetence comes across with such barnyard bawdiness, while Governor Chris Christie is entertaining himself and his family with the Prince of Wales Harry as the survivors of Super Storm Sandy haven’t even been able to begin their lives due to the lack of financial assistance from the Republican Majority in Congress.

D: Man! We need freedom from the American Press and the major Publishing Houses, almost all of who are hiding behind the guise of democracy, when in fact they’re just as guilty of wanting to portray an America struggling because of President Obama. America is struggling in a Republican quagmire.

M: Dude! It takes approximately 25 million dollars weekly to operate the United States Congress. The American Press and the endless continuity of Publishing Houses have not once shared such stats in their behemoth, monopolistic, and regimented culture of exclusiveness in print. If you visit any of the publishing houses’ websites, you will find statements pertaining to how one must find a literary agency beforehand because the publishing houses will not accept unsolicited manuscripts, including queries.

D: Man! United States Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel is coming under fire by New York Senator Kirsten Gillibrand concerning the handling of sexual assault cases in the United States Military. Senator Gillibrand and her colleagues want the issue to be addressed by Congress, but I, like Secretary Hagel, have grave concerns.   

M: Dude! Senator Kirsten Gillibrand wants publicity and showmanship, like the Congressional Republicans. Although Senator Gillibrand is a Democrat, I have reservations about her genuineness.

D: Man! Do you think she’s a GOP placement? I think she is. Her insight is confined by her ego. She reminds me of Republican Representative and House Majority Leader Eric Cantor. She also reminds me of the dramaturgies of Republican Senator and Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. Did you hear his latest attempts to place some conspiracy theories into the press junket about the Democrats conducting sting operations on his wife and he?   

M: Dude! The Republican Party doesn’t care about issues that do not affect their lives personally. The 501c4 is a wonderful idea, just as long as the Democrats do not get their hands on the same kind of power as the GOP Super PACs. Can you sense the underlying egocentricity in the Republican Party’s arguments?

D: Man! I think that Senator Gillibrand is a GOP placement brought to the forefront in confronting the United States Military and bringing it before a scrutiny of unending congressional hearings. The Congressional Republicans and their barnyard bawdiness are repellent. But I think the Congressional Republicans think themselves as entertaining their gerrymandered, hence backward leaning and predominantly White American, constituencies.   

M: Dude! Secretary Hagel is wise and will not allow the Congressional Republicans to absurdly denigrate members of the United States Military. The future of United States democracy rests in the hands of Secretary Hagel. The GOP wants military leadership to be presented before a string of congressional hearings, hoping for the worst.

D: Man! What’s worse than the United States Republican Party?

M: Dude! A United States Military Coup is very probable. Barnyard bawdy billionaires like the Koch brothers and the Walton siblings back the GOP and, lest we forget, Sheldon Adelson, and the Republican Super PACs of husband-and-wife team Karl Rove and Grover Norquist.

D: Man! Husband-and-wife? I think you meant husband-and-husband!

M: Dude! I stand corrected. Thank you.

D: Man! You’re welcome! The Republican Majority in Congress is a hearings fanatic! And their outright arrogance is the direct result of gerrymandering and the Supreme Court’s ruling favoring corporations and deeming political speech as having the same protection and First Amendment right as citizens have to free speech.

M: Dude! The Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act of 2002 was skewed to favor conservatives in so much that its chief sponsors, Arizonan Republican Senator John McCain and Wisconsin Democratic Senator Russ Feingold, collaborated on that piece of legislation, only to have Senator Feingold lose his reelection efforts in 2010 to Tea Party Republican Ron Johnson.

D: Man! Let me get this straight. Senator Russ Feingold, the democratic collaborator with Senator McCain on campaign finance reform legislation in 2002, lost his reelection campaign to Tea Party Republican Ron Johnson in 2010? Senator John McCain, then I’m sure, is doing all this hoopla over immigration reform and straddling between granting amnesty to the millions of Dreamers and their families while making all or some of them leave the United States, for the purposes of just getting over the hurdles of midterms in 2014?

M: Dude! Senator John McCain is a prototype of the millennium Republican: He courted collaborator Russ Feingold, only to make certain that Senator Feingold be at great risk of losing his seat eight years later in the Tea Party rage. Remember that fraternity brother who’s always got your back, or so you believe, only to be duped by that exact same guy over a girl or a grade?

D: Man! They’re so close that you have to wonder if they share a common quasi-medical diagnosis as well as party affiliation?

M: Dude! Yeah! The Republicans are those fraternity brothers who turn their backs on their Democratic counterparts. Senator Kirsten Gillibrand had better watch out with which Republican insiders she’s working on the inside on because she’s going to end up losing her senate reelection campaign as well to a contrasting Republican.

D: Man! You can straddle as much as you like along multiple party lines as a Republican, but not so much as a Democrat lest you lose your next reelection campaign?

M: Dude! It’s a double standard. Just like the barnyard bawdy billionaires that try really hard to erase their unsophisticated roots. Look at Alice Walton and her designer gold trim jogging suits that she chooses to wear publically on one too many an occasion. Did I say that right?

D: Man! I’m not sure. However, I’ve been thinking about those government furloughs and air traffic controllers lately. The Congressional Republicans and their lobbying pals and gerrymandered redistricting schemers are all in for a rude awakening. The GOP thinks that the air can handle their personal jets jaunting all over the globe, but imagine Alice Walton having to cede sharing the private luxuries afforded to her by birthright alone.

M: Dude! She doesn’t even care to allocate funds to accommodate her extreme drinking binges. The least she and her siblings could do is get an automobile driver to taxi their wasted selves home to whatever rural town they have enlisted as their home, like Weatherford in Texas.

D: Man! No wonder the gerrymandered redistricting schemes are up and coming! Alice Walton lives in predominantly White American Weatherford, so that rural township must have the same amount of power as the urban multicultural districts. And, if not, the least should be done that someplace like the Amon Carter Museum ought to keep their bored members engaged in some constructive work to divert their attention from politics.

M: Dude! Bored members versus board members, that is rather brilliant. But I rather have Alice Walton acting sophisticated with artworks, not policies effecting millions of people at home and abroad.

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