Anthony Richard, Televangelist: Caller #1 (Pollyanna)

Anthony Richard: Televangelist

AR: Anthony Richard here. Tonight we’re going to explore the Garden of Eden and the ramifications of Eve’s entrusting the snake and going full monty with Adam. My guests are Phillip Eyes and Bernadette Belcher. First off, lest we forget to pray collectively, let’s gather around and hold hands and give a shout out to Jesus and the Apostles for their brilliant contributions to the only faith whose worshipers are worthy of afterlife and committed to seeing out the sin of Eve by servitude and spreading the gospel. Philip will begin and Bernadette will conclude with an Aesop-like fable from the King James Version of the Holy Book. 

PE: Oh, Holy Father, give us the heights of credibility and no spoiled grapes this summer due to the climate changing furiously as it is presently. Allow Senator Inhofe of Oklahoma to have a nocturnal revelation tonight from You, O’ Lord. We pray that the snowballs in Senator Inhofe's keeping have melted and the resulting water not wasted, but utilized in some fashion. We pray that the orchards of Tom Selleck do not suffer and that You forgive his missteps in ensuring that the land Yee bequeathed him after bequeathing him the television program Magnum P.I. shall remain healthy and prosperous despite the Californian circumstances, especially drought and the sinful highways that take Yee’s children into Nevada, particularly Las Vegas. Let the African nations of Nymbia and Maacho not suffer, but praise and sing Your Name as we do.

BB: Yes, Lord! Give us, Your children, anyways and always to salvation and peace. We pray for our Eternal rest in Your care and embrace. Let us be free to express our love for You and Christ. In Christ’s name, Amen.

AR: Thank you Philip Eyes and Bernadette Belcher for the mentioned words. But the true word is that given to us by the King James Version of the Bible. Let us open to 2 Chronicles 16:11-14. As it is stated, “Everything Asa did while he was king is written in The History of the Kings of Judah and Israel. In the thirty-ninth year of his rule, he got a very bad foot disease, but he relied on doctors and refused to ask the LORD for help. He died two years later. Earlier, Asa had his own tomb cut out of a rock hill in Jerusalem. So he was buried there, and the tomb was filled with spices and sweet-smelling oils. Then the people built a bonfire in his honor.”

PE: There is a lot to be gleaned from that passage you quoted, Anthony. The King James Version of the Bible is the only one of its kind. 

BB: Yes, there is a musicality in the verse and the Word of God is good. The phones lines are really busy. Is it alright if we take a caller, Anthony?

AR: Definitely. Sure. Our first caller is Pollyanna. Hello, Pollyanna. You’re on the air. What is your question?

Pollyanna (caller #1): This question is for Mr. Philip Eyes. Mr. Eyes, where exactly are the African nations you shared moments earlier?

PE: Thank you for your expressed interest in our African nations of Nymbia and Maacho. They are located in a remote area off Africa’s coast, in the mid-South Atlantic Ocean’s latitude.

Pollyanna: But I do not recall ever hearing about such nations in geography classes, either in middle school or even my college years. Are you certain you have not misspoken and actually meant Namibia and Mozambique?

PE: They hit the Prime Meridian precisely, Pollyanna. (Clearing throat vigorously) I’m sure Anthony and Bernadette can corroborate this information. No. Nymbia and Maacho are very desperate nations apart from the two you named. But that is not to say we won’t have the two nations you named just now in our hearts and prayers. Are you deciding to give to the Lord through such charities as ours abroad?

Pollyanna: Not today. But the African nations who do hit the Prime Meridian are Algeria, Mali, Burkina Faso, and Ghana, if I’m not mistaken.

PE: (Hydrating himself and looking straight into the camera while nodding head) Anthony? 

AR: Uh, of course! You are very insightful, Pollyanna. May God continue blessing you with the sharp intellect that you sport.

Pollyanna: Are you writing me off?

BB: We do not write. We only pray and fulfill our capacities to give and share with our listeners the light we have sought now for over 40 years. Isn’t that so, and I am directing this question specifically to Anthony and Philip to expound upon.

AR: Philip, as you were saying, it is quite a gift that the Lord bestowed upon Ms. Pollyanna. And we would really encourage you, Pollyanna, to give today to the Lord through any financial means available to you as we speak. Nymbia and Maacho have come far with the contributions our viewers have sent thus far. Our Ministries are sustainable because of viewers who give openly and often. We are the only independent broadcasting channel to bring the Word of God through Jesus Christ to international communities.

PE: Pollyanna, are you there?

Pollyanna: Yes! I’m not done with my inquiry! Pertaining to Asa in 2 Chronicles 16:11-14, I would recommend going just a few lines of Scriptures back to 2 Chronicles 16: 1-6, that reads as follows in the Contemporary English Version of the Holy Bible published by American Bible Society, 

“In the thirty-sixth year of Asa’s rule, King Baasha of Israel invaded Judah and captured the town of Ramah. He started to put troops there to stop people from going in and out of Judah.

When Asa heard about this, he took the silver and gold from his palace and from the LORD’s temple. Then he sent it to Damascus with this message for King Benhadad of Syria: “I think we should sign a peace treaty, just as our fathers did. This silver and gold is a present for you. Would you please break your treaty with King Baasha of Israel and force him to leave my country?”

AR: We’re pressed for time, Pollyanna. What have you to say in respect to Asad?

Pollyanna: That completes my inquiry and confirms my worst fear that you broadcast to the collective subconscious stereotypes that your viewers have sustained as a result of watching your prejudicial reinterpretative convolutions of Scriptures and dictated unilateral daily lifestyle choices that perpetuate a heavily patriarchal arch over all humanity.

AR: (clearing his throat vigorously) We apparently have lost the line to Pollyanna. Let’s take a small commercial break and resume our discussion with the deluge of calls coming in. Stay tuned.

  

Congressional Hearings with Koch-Appointed and Adelson-Elected Officials Declaring Their Majorities Representative of the American People

Snowfall in April & Christmas in July (brought to US by the 2015 GOP TEA & TEABAG DEMS)

Hellish Highways To Heaven

Man! Dude! Session #344 

(D)ude: Man! Charlie Rose’s interview with Larry David aired Sunday, May 31, 2015, on CBS’s 60 Minutes. Did you watch that particular episode? Yeah? Did you notice how many times he changed his persona?   

(M)an: Dude! Yeah! The guy’s genius has gone unstudied, don't you think? I think so, given that Jerry Seinfeld and Stephen Colbert have borrowed extensively from Larry David’s catalog of personae. Charlie Rose’s interview is the first where you can hear the characters emerging from their natural originator. That uncannily high-pitched voice that Jerry Seinfeld made his own actually can be detected at various points in the interview emerging from the mastermind that is Larry David. That uncannily high-octane cunningness and equal parts ridiculousness that gets the United States Media into a frenzy over Stephen Colbert’s scripted selves and non-selves nonsense actually makes more sense coming from the genuine article of contradictory hilarity that is Larry David.  

D: Man! Speaking of contradictory hilarity, Ted Cruz’s latest book release is on shelves and basically is a tattletale account for Koch and Adelson to malign the GOP Tea Republicans for not   carrying out their duties as prescribed by these doctors of demagoguery, these billionaire capitalist soapbox orators whose soapsuds include the inflation-weary Senator Rand Paul and his father Representative Ron Paul. David Koch recommended to the pair to watch his interview with Barbara Walters from December 14, 2014, a holiday edition of the annual “10 Most Fascinating People” and included, as usual, Walters’ impeccably thorough research and, like Charlie Rose, the most fascinating questions as a result of that visible hard work.  

M: Dude! Charlie Rose and Barbara Walters could easily be considered therapeutic and investigative geniuses. But, is it true that the father and son neoconservative segregationists were advised to watch Walters’ interview with David Koch?

D: Man! Of course! Rand Paul and Ron Paul and their entire neoconservative lowbrows attain their illogic stats and figures about domestic and foreign affairs and the United States through television and film! Regarding television and film and the GOP Tea Republicans and their Teabag Democratic allies, and going back to Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David, and continuing my ratiocinating, monetary compensation is never enough to erase someone else’s hard work and genius. Larry David left Seinfeld in 1996 and the show’s finale followed in 1998. Coincidence? Nah! But look at the way Larry David’s managed to go onto other innovative and original endeavors whereas Jerry Seinfeld’s only managed to keep his television serial syndicated through reruns. Larry David is to Jerry Seinfeld what Joe Montana is to Tom Brady.    

M: Dude! Can you not ratiocinate nor cerebrate? Reminds me of Victor Frankenstein and the unnamed Prometheus that Frankenstein creates and rejects in horror as a result of the sheer unpleasantness of his creation’s outward appearance. But the GOP Tea Republicans of the new millennium wouldn’t know, would they? Of course, they probably couldn’t have made it through high school English year after year without figuring out that the monstrosity that Mary Shelley named only in her classic’s alternate title, The Modern Prometheus, was actually soulful and kindhearted to the extent that at one point he is given the opportunity to converse and assist an elderly gentleman who cannot see and, therefore, befriends him as a result of blindness.  

D: Man! Speaking of humans without perception due only to their obstructionist tantrums and genuine lack of comprehension of the in and outs of policymaking because of sheer bigotry and a whole lot of greed, and the fragile, inflated, covert operative egos of their billionaire donors, I suspect the Republican Tea GOP and their Teabag Democratic accomplices pocket a significant percentage of finances allocated publicly towards infrastructure with a lot of celebratory pageantry of these neoconservative ninnies conducting deceptive press briefings and ribbon cuttings on the outside while looting local, state, and federal government on the inside. 

M: Dude! Since the meteoric ascension of the muffling George Walker Bush from Texas Governor to United States President #43, the GOP and their TEABAGS and the United States Press Corps have colluded and campaigned to keep American Voters from participating in Elections and realizing just how powerful and pivotal their participation is to keeping US democratic and safe from Harm’s ways, like the covert operatives presiding over and inside the Republican Tea GOP and Democratic TEABAGS. The reason why the highway system inserted into the heart of the DFW Metroplex is off-limits to the general public through the economically unaffordable tolls is because the infrastructure itself—the structural integrity specifically—cannot sustain the battery of traffic physically as the toll-free highways do.

D: Man! Aren’t there ever any sanctions on the GOP and their TEABAGS and the United States Press Corps’ collusions?

M: Dude! The Supreme Court of the United States could, but American Voters must take responsibility for getting our democracy up and running again and that includes only one track and that pathway is to cast a ballot in the 2016 Presidential Election Cycle. American Voters do impose sanctions upon politicians, through registering to vote and then actually completing this overwhelmingly complex mission by showing up to vote on or before Election Day. American Voters must hold themselves accountable for the collapse of America’s rigor and robustness. If you don’t vote, your priorities won’t get prioritized by those who are covertly elected as a direct result of your inaction!

D: Man! Ouch! That’s painful! By not mobilizing American Voters to really embrace their role in representative democracies, the GOP and TEABAGS and US Press Corps essentially hold the reigns to our lives and liberty not just in the United States of America, but over all the world through their threefold cartel. It is a threefold cartel of politicians and lobbyists, journalists, and oligarchs because of the Citizens United Ruling by the SCOTUS. But if the citizenry truly were to stand united, we could easily change the course of a recurring cyclic history of partisanship, prejudice, and pick-pocketing by the GOP and TEABAGS and US Press Corps that keep US stagnant and our diversities suppressed.

"Some of the Ages of [Mankind's] History" by Ibn-e-Insha (15 June 1927 - 11 January 1978)

Ibn-e-Insha’s article entitled “Some of the Ages [in the degradation] of [mankind’s] History” (p. 27, circa 1970); translated from the Urdu by Manfred Spencer Alverston & Associates.

(Stone…)

Stones in the pathway to progress,

Stones within political parties,

Stones within people’s hearts,

Stonewalling within mausoleums,

Stones directed at revolutionary frenzies,

Stones, only stones!

This is indeed a Stone Age!

(Elemental…)

Cauldron after cauldron,

Sycophant after sycophant,

Lead after lead,

Wealth after wealth,

Gold after gold,

Silver after silver!

This is indeed an Elemental Age!

People construct shackles of gold and silver,

And place these on you and us;

And you and we act happy when putting them on!

The pretense of gratitude, going so far as to say “Thank You!”

And then there’s another age, of congruence as well,

The Iron Age, that is to say,

Namely, iron is that metal whose power reigns over everyone.

A ploughshare is made of iron,

Factory machinery is also made of iron.

Iron can also be made into a magnet,

In which case, it even draws silver!

As the saying goes, 

One hundred strikes of the goldsmith are

Equal to one stroke of the ironsmith,

Hence, keepers of gold are always in fear of ironworkers.

But for how long can this ironic age remain stumped by golddiggers?

Indeed, this ironic age will be here soon in our country!

Raw iron good-for-nothings, so inferiorly built by gold digging financiers,

Knowing raw iron to be so inferior, 

So they infect mankind entirely with such menial materials,

With their own weighted powers!

And mankind resulting from this mechanism is called ironman.

And iron men rust in so far as to erode humanity,

Yet, people continue to pick up these rusted ironmen from rubbish dumps,

And burn them [not in enmity or effigy, but in fellowship] while chanting slogans,

“Long live so and so!”

(Prehistoric…)

Then there is another, a different age,

Where people walk around naked,

Where they dance around naked,

And frequent clubs in their nakedness,

Verbally undressing one another at public gatherings,

Even undressing the public with such disgrace!

In fact, they even pull off their hides,

Establishing a financial wealth exchange system 

With such hides, devouring their raw meat!

Need for neither hearth nor a skewer,

This is the Prehistoric Age!

(Industrial…)

Then there’s the industry of adulteration,

Included within are

The industry of bribery,

The industry of banking,

Industry of black transaction,

Industry of personal gain,

Industry of [thinning] membranes,

Industry of allegations and slogans,

Industry of amulets and talismans,

This is our Industrial Age, that is to say!

(Paper…)

Paper clothing,

Paper houses,

Paper mankind,

Paper jungles,

Paper lions,

Get a little damp and all of them

Collapse in a heap.

Paper currency notes,

Paper votes,

Paper conscience,

Paper Muslims,

Paper newspapers,

Even paper journalists!

All of this, indeed, is the Paper Age!

(Space… )

Now look at this last age:

Stomach empty of bread,

Pocket empty of money,

Discourse empty of insight,

Promises empty of truth,

Heart empty of sympathy,

Brain empty of intelligence,

City streets abandoned by the wise,

Jungles abandoned by balanced roars,

This age is the Space Age! 

Mankind inflates egos with the helium of hallucination,

Takes electuary as a medicine by the pounds,

Forms committee to appropriate the appearance of a crescent moon,

Being so clever as to pluck the stars from the sky, 

[With their anointed expertise, they carry out such subterfuge!]

Devouring fat-tailed rams with arrogance, without apprehension,

Inside their privy/latrine, with their trajectiles/excrements,

They reach the orbit [towards sewers, not skies]: 

Oh yes, over here 

This very epoch

Is the Space Age!

THE END.

Imported Politics: The Department of Folly by Ibn-e-Insha (15 June 1927- 11 January 1978)

Ibn-e-Insha’s article entitled, “Department of Folly Opens at the University” (p.186, circa 1975); translated from the Urdu by Manfred Spencer Alverston & Associates.

Some time ago an article caught my attention while I was reading the newspaper. It was written that Punjab University’s Department of Folly held a ceremony honoring a renowned writer. Indeed, Punjab University, just like other universities from time to time, had committed such follies before (considering giving me a degree was one such example).

Such as hosting the Kathiawar Trade Groups’ merchants’ gathering where the Presiding Officer informed the merchant gatherers that the millionaire siblings, Brother Cottonseed and Brother Press-cake, owners of Cottonseed Warehouses, had received a portent recitation from above for all to preclude further study after learning to sign signatures, count numbers and then timetables et cetera, which would be sufficient enough. Learning further than this godsend threshold would be in itself a folly.

However, I was unaware that Punjab University had permanently created a Department of Folly so that those who want to specialize in this field of study would be allowed to acquire such a degree in the future and to impart their acquired wisdom onto future students.

“My Message is Folly
As far as Its’ reach”

It came to mind that, perchance, this dispatch might be an inscription error. Because extreme folly is not some law or geography that you learn by studying. This is a God-given. Like the saying goes, “A gift of God will make its way through stone walls.”

At this time there are ao many people possessed with this illustrious craft that in the former half of Indo-Pak, there are assemblies of folly and in the latter half there are clubs of folly, all of whose branches are spreading outwards, everywhere and congregating.

Included in Indo-Pak’s Assemblies of Folly are politicians. Or, then again, maybe as senators, they’re representative of Clubs of Folly. But, of them, I doubt any needs to study folly as a subject. Whether it is or is not, this must be the Medieval Department of Defraud, encompassing all—from cosmology to phlebotomy!

Ours truly, the Invisible Religious Scholar, Bachelor of Fine Arts, and his congregation were trying for a long time to get these skills inserted into the arts and sciences as part of the university curriculum. From now onwards, at last, this effort is bearing fruit. Now higher education is as such: In one classroom, a tenured professor is lecturing about the differences between the philosophies of Rene Descartes and Arthur Schopenhauer. In the next classroom, the professor—or Department Head of [Faith] Defraud, will be informing his students how much soap is required to soften the hairs of beards, so it will become easier to shave your customers with the cunningness entailed in shaving them with the reverse, hence smooth, side of the razor knife.

After further investigations conducted, neither folly nor defraud selected after so many considerations and deliberations, the news is relegated to the Department of Journalism. Why do copyists choose folly over journalism? Is there the possibility of the copyist not getting his paycheck on time? Despite such circumstance, a confidant telling the whole truth is not good discourse, is it? If adherence to journalism is folly then this secret should be kept inside your heart as freemasons kept theirs in antiquity. That is, don’t divulge outside your fraternity. But now it is too late to regret it, as the saying goes. I knew this saying for twenty years, but I was not so lowly to keep sharing this secret with everyone outside my circle. The case was the same with my hundreds of journalist brothers, That once they had accrued whatever folly, they kept enduring its repercussion. Some even feign as if they are saying something quite intelligent. The truth is such, that if there is folly, it takes some time to set in as folly. Nowadays I am realizing that because I write simply, whatever matter is close to my heart, with a sense of humor; whatever the end result is, it comes before you just like the stylist’s client’s hair-cuttings on the floor.

Still so, when the truth sets into print and gets burdensome on the delicate nature of a particular group, bodies within that delicate delegation show up with clubs and demand, “Bring out that person!”

In Lahore, Pakistan, one of my friends was an editor of the cinema section in a newspaper. Some day he wrote that the film Two of Spades had such weak dialogue that the story collapsed like deadweight. He was unaware that the film’s producer was a very famous wrestler and the next day came face-to-face with the furious pugilist and his young disciples. He grabbed that journalist by the collar and indignantly declared, “If the dialogues were weak, know that we are not weak! And if the story is without life, then tell us what lifeforce you possess! You puny fellow! Come outside and let’s have a wrestling match!” Nonetheless, people started to gather and, with great difficulty, settled the matter. Before leaving, the wrestler threatened and warned, “If in the future, or hereafter, or from now on, you write about my films as inferior as in this review, then you will have to pay for that! I will perform on you a wrestling trick just as a washerman dashes down a cloth. After that, you will be spending your entire life nursing your bruised body.”

Presently, the state of affairs is a lot better. Journalists are getting their pay and being allowed to play tambola [bingo] at their Press Club. In the old days, there was the familiar pleasure of a closed up room in which you picked up a pen in your hand and the entire world stood before you with folded arms, a universal sign of respect. One rebuked Hitler, “Don’t dare to even take two steps forward! In such a case as that, I will write such an editorial that you will come crawling on your knees to apologize!”

And I also told our government that they must understand that I am not afraid. I can sell my home for the freedom to write and I have sold my home. I can sell my clothes and I have sold my clothes. I can sell my watch and I really have! But can never sell my pen! Cannot sell my conscience! I’m admonishing Israelis that THAT is quite an excessive injustice! Look here! Now the cup of our patience is running over! Dare not hit us!

Our noble late Maulana Akhtar Ali Khan’s THAT story is very famous; when he went to England and met Prime Minister Clement Attlee and boomed, “Look here, Sir! Resolve the dispute of Kashmir immediately! For that, I am allowing you a grace period of one month or…” PM Attlee lost his senses and stars started to dance before his eyes; in a thin voice he inquired, “Then what?”

Maulana Akhtar Ali Khan roared, “Otherwise, I will write an antithetical editorial in the Zemindar Newspaper!”

Ah! That was the zest! When journalists suffered losses, became paupers, yet still published the news! One of my friends had a weekly newspaper that he edited, arranged, and published by himself and then delivered to the newsstands too. Then he would call the merchant for payment for the advertisements published as such, “Sir, the payment is overdue. I am sending my peon to collect it.”

After this, he would sit on his bike while holding a bag and ride to the merchant’s office. Inside the merchant’s office, he would talk to the advertiser as such, “Sir, I am sent by my Editor. He is very displeased and wants his payment right away.”

Of course, within his editorials and columns, his clamor, authority, and pride were to be observed!

Alas, woe is that the days of zest went alongside the departing Britishers.

Some two years back, another friend of mine got a job as a columnist for a newspaper after many recommendations. In his very first column, he proclaimed his pen as Sacred and Truth as his duty. “Other than my conscience, I will not be answerable to anyone. If President Ayub Khan will do anything wrong, then I won’t hesitate to grab his collar!”

The next day we awaited his next column. Third day again, we awaited. Then kept waiting every day after that. His column never appeared in print, to be discovered he was kicked out of a career in journalism entirely, sitting idle at home and masticating roasted garbanzo beans while reciting this verse over and over, “I grabbed their collars a hundred times in my hands! But when I woke up, I realized I was grabbing my own collar!”

THE END.