2.1: (Canine) Client Spritzkuchen
Professor: Greetings Spritzkuchen. I am Professor Schnooki.
What brings you into the office this holiday season?
Client: What brought you to decide to keep office hours
during the holidays? Don’t get me wrong. Although grateful, I am in serious
need of consultation and rehabilitation this afternoon. The pressure to
detoxify soulfully has left me stressed and exasperated, hence the fearlessly
reproachable attitude.
Professor: What particular circumstances have brought upon
you the desire to change and, secondly, the will to achieve betterment?
Client: I have no place else to aspire, Professor. I am forever
embedded in the confines of notoriety and cannot maneuver myself into the
fields of possibilities and posterity.
Professor: Is this notoriety comprised of three-fourths
naughtiness on your part and one-fourth concern from those you finagle into
believing those plights you have not experienced but do indulge in vicariously?
Client: I am a dramatist! An indulgent dramatist!
Professor: What sort of personas have you undertaken?
Client: Preferably I am drawn to the fates of those who have
accompanied the greatest characters in literature and film. I remain convinced
that Scarlett O’Hara and Rhett Butler’s daughter Bonnie Blue would have been
better served with a puppy than that rascal pony from which she fell and was summoned
to the heavens precipitately.
Professor: Hooves and paws come four-legged and are both
equine, are they not?
Client: Yes, the case has been confirmed numerous times by
Mendelian genetics. Let me indulge in macaronic verse momentarily, hooves are
rather allele and paws are dominant and distinguished. But I am not labeling
alleles as amphigory. How else would I have been blessed with such phantasmagorial
green eyes? There are amphigory executives and phantasmagorical engineers at
Apple, however.
Professor: Apple? How so? Aren’t allele genes remarkably
atypical surprises, such as your splendid green eyes?
Client: Avant-garde? I am in all my characteristics, but Apple
has slumped substantially, having chosen to discontinue iWeb and, instead,
promote art apps that do not measure up to the design ethics and innovative stylishness
set forth by Steve Jobs.
Professor: I agree. Please continue.
Client: I shall! Have you seen the new ad campaigns put
forth by Apple on their website? The quality of the results from actual Apple
users utilizing applications from Apple’s App Store to create so-called
original artwork with their Apple devices is debatable. And there’s no calculus
involved in Apple executives and researchers employed at Apple, Inc. to figure
out except that the only applications worthy of the heroic and iconic Steve
Jobs were those non-WYSIWYG components encapsulated in 2009’s iLife program iWeb.
Professor: Please refresh my memory. WYSIWYG?
Client: Are you getting visions of stereotypically costumed
people spelling out YMCA in a
cheerleader-like fashion on New Year’s Eve? I get temporarily lost in thoughts
of David Copperfield being forced to perform his magic shows during today’s
post-Magician’s Code era of thieving politicians and monopolistic
businesspeople who basically pull the carpet from under constituents’ and
customers’ feet but constituents and customers are left standing and pointing
fingers towards fracking sites as if they will too be compensated in the tens
of thousands if not millions of dollars if their loved ones would just sign the
croaked contracts by crooked contractors from the oil companies promising an
expedient crude rush next door or at an adjacent elsewhere.
Professor: I believe I have recovered sufficient memory to figure
out the acronym in question. Is it What
You See Is What You Get?
Client: Yes! Was it the reference to the YMCA, David
Copperfield, or the fracking crude rush that reawakened your memory?
Professor: I cannot say my memory was ever asleep as much as
it was riveted by the fact that Rupert Murdoch’s Faux Network was the first to
broadcast the eighteen episodes of Breaking
the Magician’s Code: Magic’s Biggest Secrets Finally Revealed.
Client: Your memory has certainly recalled quite a riveting
fact, Professor Schnooki! Allow me to share another: iWeb is still the standard
of excellence that no App Developer can surpass since its discontinuation. iWeb
is the Rosetta Stone of WYSIWYG and App Developer Entrepreneurs featured on
Apple dot com, like Hideko Ogawa, Takako Horiuchi, Theodore Gray, Torsten Reil,
Jocelyn Leavitt, Mengting Gao, Fabian Lucas, Sun Yong, Yuta Tsuruoka, et al,
deserve the chance to quicken their innovative pulses by demanding iWeb’s
return.
Professor: One of the incalculable feats carried out by Steve
Jobs’s perpetual insistence for product integrity in all details, iWeb made the
iMac experience the Zeitgeist of the new millennium, bringing autonomy and
confidence to those who otherwise struggled with mathematics and computer
sciences.
Client: People will want to learn code and attend Apple Workshops
if they receive public library access to an iMac with iWeb particulars like Inspector,
which allows one to beautifully adjust colors and sizes and shapes while being
able to innovatively color and size and shape images taken by Apple devices
like iPad, iPhone, and including the iMac itself. As things stand now at Apple
dot com, I’m convinced that living in the surrounds of the elusive feline
presence Cat-Zillah is far more fetching than that frighteningly rubescent cat
over there!
Professor: I believe that incarnadine presence is only an
emoji, Spritzkuchen. Only an emoji.
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