Man! Dude! Session #210

(D)ude: Man! Welcome to McCheney’s! What would you like for lunch?

(M)an: Dude! I just woke up and would like an omelet and a gallon of coffee!

D: Man! Well, you’re in luck! At McCheney’s we can now serve you all your dietary specifics all day long.

M: Dude! Good! Could you serve me a shot of espresso? I would really appreciate a thermos of caffeinated coffee right about now. What’s for lunch? The McCheney’s Special Surprise Antics or cheese sandwiches in the initials of all the presidents since Nixon, make mine a W. with extra cheese.

D: Man! You certainly do not need any shots of coffee, espresso or not. But would you like green French fries with that? And could you please specify what “that” is again?

M: Dude! Today’s October 1, 2013! I was going to look into the Health Insurance Marketplace! Did you forget?

D: Man! I have all the information for you! I went through the healthcare.gov website and was pleased to see that I could easily construct situations and scenarios before having to fill out the application. I went ahead and looked up plausible options like being the owner of a business consisting of more than fifty employees. Did you know that identifies you as a large business owner in the Health Insurance Marketplace?

M: Dude! What about small business owners?

D: Man! There’s the Small Business Health Options Program, or SHOP, that the Congressional Republicans probably won’t be able to intellectually grasp, so every American has an optimal chance of grasping the defined terminology. Like 2 half-time employees are equal to 1 full-time equivalent employee!

M: Dude! That’s simple fractions, no?

D: Man! You know what? I forgot to check whether or not the website connected visitors to visuals explaining the mathematics!

M: Dude! I pass on the coffee for today!

D: Man! Why?

M: Dude! Your reporting to me about the Health Insurance Marketplace was a considerably caffeinated account, and I mean that with all the sincerity in the Democratic Party. What of the Republican GOP? I really must confess I think they need to reenroll themselves in universal healthcare coverage, which is the crux of Obamacare.

D: Man! Imagine if we did not have the personalized website and had to go through the County Public Health Canter? The lines to see a caseworker open up at 8 am and then at 2 pm for afternoon hours five days a week, and today’s the first of the month, meaning that a lot of the service offices would be closed for monthly inventory of supplies.

M: Dude! As of today, 181 days remain for folks to apply for Health Insurance Marketplace insurance coverage through the website healthcare.gov. What constitutes a green French fry, anyways?

D: Man! Broiled French-cut green beans, of course! That will keep you certainly out of a qualifying life event, which would make you eligible for the Special Enrollment Period. Otherwise, this is so far it, these 181 days remaining and expiring on March 31, 2014, when open enrollment ends.

M: Dude! What’s the phone number to dial in order to ask questions?

D: Man! It’s a 24 hours a day, 7 days a week line and the number is 1-800-318-2596. You can also participate in live chat with an agent or broker.

M: Dude! John Boehner, Paul Ryan are going to be indicting the Affordable Care Act and playing off their own illiteracy and distributing it to the crowds of supporters who themselves are already experiencing impairment in judgment for supporting guys like Boehner and Ryan who would sell their constituents’ welfare and disrupt the country’s financial balance for the sake of petty tomfoolery on their end. No wonder the Middle East is uneasy.

D: Man! You think nations like Jordan, Iran, Syria, and Israel are expressing such haste because they believe that the Republican Party of the United States will once again cheat itself into the White House as it always has?

M: Dude! Yes! Russia is afraid of the prospect of even having President Putin bend down and tie his bootlaces as another President Bush looks on, whether it is Jeb or George Prescott. The United States deserves better and so does the world!

D: Man! What about all these cases going to the courts concerning the Department of Justice probing and finding such cheating schemes and tactics in terms of voting station arrangements that will prevent extended voting privileges after the polls close to the majority of working Americans?

M: Dude! What about all these Republican politicians who are attempting to fundraise in the wake of the government shutdown?  

D: Man! What about these Republican politicians who are attempting to keep the government shutdown and promoting their stand with obvious fundraising phraseology on their personal GOP websites?

M: Dude! Paul Ryan and John Boehner are going to be making jokes about qualifying life events, the misogynists that they are! They’re going to be stating vulgarities like they are not pregnant themselves and etcetera.

D: Man! Their minds are impregnably unimaginative! 

M: Dude! That’s the criteria for recruiting new Republicans. Remember how asinine Newt Gingrich was 17 years ago?

D: Man! Newt Gingrich and Ken Starr! Wow! One’s the president of the Southern Baptist Baylor University today, while the latter croons for the Heritage Foundation nowadays.

M: Dude! Do you think Ken Starr accuses his socks of fraternizing with each other whilst Newt Gingrich prowls about for a new lease on life with yet another extramarital fling here and there?

D: Man! Yes! You really do know Ken Starr! He wakes up every morning condemning his plaids and ginghams!

M: Dude! I don’t think there’s a DSM IV diagnosis for that is there?  

D: Man! Which brings me to another point; actually, do you know how hard it is to get an appointment with a psychiatrist in Fort Worth if you’re on regular Medicaid?

M: Dude! There’s more than one kind of Medicaid?

D: Man! Of course! There’s what the professionals call regular and the other that they refer to as plus.

M: Dude! Medicaid Plus! I remember now! There’s a guy at work that had to go to the county hospital emergency room for a nervous breakdown. After hours of waiting in the regular emergency room’s waiting area before finding out there’s a separate psychiatric waiting room, he got up and left, convinced that he would receive lesser quality care because he was on the regular Medicaid plan.

D: Man! You’ve got to get in line at the county clinics and centers around 7:30 in the morning to even have a chance of entering the foyer when they open at 8 o’clock AM sharp. A guy at work told me the line at the Social Security Administration offices lasts two hours whereas before the Republican Sequester, it took at most twenty minutes.

M: Dude! Did the guy know to grab a ticket at the front door ticket dispenser?

D: Man! Yes! That’s just it! The healthcare.gov website is an cinch after you’ve had to travel all over one county for even a simple task like receiving disability. The public libraries ought to have remote access to government websites that register you online for everything!