Man! Dude! Session #184

(D)ude: Man! Mayor Cory Booker of New Jersey makes my facial hair follicles grow grey hairs. I don’t think the guy’s trustworthy. The Zen practitioner within me says that he lost his marbles since President Obama’s ascension to two-term president. Booker turned down the offer in 2009 to head the White House Office of Urban Affairs Policy because, according to my chakras, Booker sincerely hopes to run for and win the presidency on his own accord. There is no accordance coming his way anytime soon, accept probably an actual Honda Accord if Booker decides to make such a purchase.

(M)an: Dude! Are your chakras aware that Cory Booker is a 2014 Democratic candidate for U.S. Senator from the Garden State?

D: Man! Yeah. However, the Zen practitioner within me says that Booker is a subliminal Republican. His speech is incongruent, mismatched, and jagged like that of a typical wishy-washy member of the new millennium GOP.

M: Dude! The Zen practitioner within you is mistaken because Cory Booker is a man of his word. He lived in Newark’s Central Ward housing complex Brick Towers for eight years before moving to another neighborhood in Newark’s South Ward that actually was overrun by drugs and gangs.

D: Man! Really? My chakras are shocked! It’s beginning to get cold like in December and January, isn’t it? I think I had better take a hot shower and forget to not let go of the air within me as well. Wait! After my accusatory rant, I think I am worthy of being subjected to that hypoallergenic bubble bath solution from Avon. Do you think I could be an Avon guy?

M: Dude! Are you a woman needing empowerment and stability?

D: Man! Yeah? I mean, look at my getup as a Zen practitioner collapse! I felt so much positive energy that I criticized in error!

M: Dude! Don’t feel too let down by yourself. There are always the Senate primaries with Republican pratfall scraps like Mitch McConnell in Kentucky, Liz Cheney in Wyoming, the three-kook ninnies Paul Broun, Phil Gingrey, and Jack Kingston in Georgia.

D: Man! Talking about three-kook ninnies, John Boehner, Eric Cantor, and Paul Ryan had been rendezvousing with the Koch Brothers in the Albuquerque Santa Ana winds. Reminded me of the Belinda Carlisle song Summer Rain.   

M: Dude! I remember the rain on our skin and his kisses hotter than the Santa Ana winds. Whispering our goodbyes, waiting for a train, I was dancing with my baby in the summer rain, I remember laughing until we almost cried there at the station that night, I remember looking in his eyes.

D: Man! Oh my love, it’s you that I dream of, oh my love, since that day, somewhere in my heart I’m always dancing with you in the summer rain. Doesn’t matter what I do now, doesn’t matter what I say, somewhere in my heart I’m always dancing with you in the summer rain.

M: Dude! Really, I-

D: Man! I’m not finished with the song! Wait! I can hear the whistle, military train, I was dancing with my baby in the summer rain.

M: Dude! Really, I- Hey! I do plan on staying with the song! Promise! Really, I believe it is a military train that the Republican GOP wants boarded up with both our sons and daughters in uniform as well as tar sands oil loads that will probably break and disperse an ecological havoc upon our aquifers and virgin lands.

D: Man! Due to all the fracking around the Metroplex and the decay of even the hardiest rosebushes around town, the current flower with the potential promise of surviving some tomorrows being the zinnia, I’m thinking of Carole King’s I Feel The Earth Move!

M: Dude! The earth will, I agree, be moving more than ever before. And, yes, the sky will be tumbling down lesser and lesser as the scorching sun burns harder and harder.

D: Man! Google News posted a recurring article from Faux News describing the plausible hazards of the added heat due to the depletion of our natural resources due to global warming. Faux News stressed that violence and war would be escalating all over the globe, yet their stand-ins on the Faux Network steadfast deny and renounce that humanity is the causal factor for global warming.

M: Dude! The Republican media is swept away by its own contradictions. On the one hand, they want violence and war to warm their pockets and speak of the global phenomenon as plausible. But then when the issue of regulations and government intervening on behalf of humanity comes into the picture, the GOP cry out foul talk denouncing everything but deregulations and no government involvement what so ever.   

D: Man! They think they can escape to the tropics where their tax havens are and enjoy the air and sand and water freely, while people like US cannot even afford such trips to environmental luxuries. Instead, we are subjected to watching the vegetation dwindle. I honestly think that fracking is causing the sudden increases in sinkholes. Fracking ought to be regulated by the federal government because otherwise, we’re the ones who will suffer the consequences and aftermath.

M: Dude! Senator Barbara Boxer of California brought up similar points to the ones you just made, but specifically focused on the California wildfires. And a Republican House member who has the gumption to maintain longtime membership on the House Committee on Science, Space, and Technology rebuked her at his town hall meeting! Representative Dana Rohrabacher’s audience agreed with such asinine laughter!  

D: Man! No wonder the Supreme Court male justices wrecked the most important component of the Voting Rights Act of 1965 and deferred the Affirmative Action case to the lower courts. They are a clever half-dozen! I think, going back to a point you made earlier, that the male justices on the Supreme Court of the United States are partisan players in the political spheres of the Republican Party, even Justices Kennedy and Breyer. The two are a twosome: I’ll take that and you can take the other mentality for sure!

M: Dude! I’m afraid of the likes of Representative Dana Rohrabacher of California are encouraging a devolutionary movement in the white flight towns across the United States. Take a look at the creationist Creation Museum in Petersburg, Kentucky, the land of Senators Mitch McConnell and Rand Paul. The Creation Museum attracts even people with no interest in its religious messaging by installing zip lines that have caught on with the nonreligious locales.

D: Man! The Republicans are so contradictory in their actions that they would be in need of scare and cheating tactics in order to survive!

M: Dude! Like Gloria Gaynor sang so urgently, Go on now [Republican GOP] go walk out the door, just turn around now, because you’re not welcome anymore!