Man! Dude! Session #179

(M)an: Dude! Do you know how Governor Rick Perry and Representative Kay Granger got hold of that expansive piece of land nearby my parents’ house for the intents and purposes of hydraulic fracturing?

(D)ude: Man! Hydraulic fracturing? Fracking?

M: Dude! Yeah! You know those cylinders off of Sycamore School Road some miles from the residential neighborhoods but across the street from a children’s playground and adjacent apartment complex?

D: Man! There’s a senior living community right next to that fracking apparatus on Sycamore School Road! What will happen in case of a spill or earthquake due to the hydraulic fracturing? The apartment complex and senior living center are three and four storied buildings! 

M: Dude! Talking about spillage, there is high risk of methane contamination of the drinking water in places located nearby. Also, there is also the high likelihood of briny being disposed into the water supply as well.  

D: Man! Isn’t briny the radioactive wastewater resulting from fracking?

M: Dude! Yeah! And there is also another ozone level that the conservative national press doesn’t want to reveal to communities that have been victims of criminal deception by door-to-door attractive female geologists making false claims of there possibly being a fortune’s worth of minerals underneath tenants’ homes.

D: Man! Really? Were there attractive and unassuming women geologists knocking on your parents’ door?

M: Dude! Yeah! And yes, those unassuming and attractive female geologists knocked on my parents’ door twice. There was actually only one assigned to my parents’ address. She smiled and held a contract in her hand and basically misinformed my parents about her intentions to get them to sign the document without ever examining it themselves, and returned a second time to encouragingly coax them to sign away their mineral rights for which she reiterated that they would be rewarded generously.

D: Man! What did your parents do?

M: Dude! They did not believe in the rhetoric and didn’t sign any papers presented to them by the curious female agent for PXP, Plains Exploration & Production Company based in Houston. Or was it FCX, Freeport-McMoRan Copper and Gold based in Phoenix?

D: Man! Could PXP and FCX be collaborating and Texas Governor Rick Perry and Senators Cornyn and Cruz and Representative Kay Granger be aligned financially with Arizona Governor Jan Brewer and Senators John McCain and Jeff Flake through this criminal deception scheme?

M: Dude! All these folks are members of the same Republican Party that believes in voter suppression through rigid identification and has only gained power through unjust redistricting and the judicial backing by the Supreme Court’s Citizens United and Shelby County decisions.

D: Man! I think the residents in your parents’ neighborhood are experiencing a direct result of the Republican Party’s insistence on government deregulation, people like House Speaker Boehner making highfalutin declarations that his Caucus is standing up for small businesses and American families when clearly the United States has diversified and White Americans will probably not be the clear majority any longer.

M: Dude! My parents reported that despite their neighborhood being comprised of middle classers and upper-classers that formed a neighborhood association and accompanying newsletter, they were duped by promises of rebuilding their duck pond’s sidewalks. Although the construction people did install a new pathway around the pond, they overlooked the entire rest of the trail.

D: Man! You know, Congressman Paul Ryan and the Republican Party, especially since 2010, have been acting like Caligula. I found a marble bust of the Roman Emperor online and it has a spooky semblance to Ryan. And like George W. Bush, Caligula set into motion a financial crisis by draining Rome’s treasury. He went onto seizing people’s estates through manipulation, much like the companies that are setting up natural gas wells throughout places like the City of Fort Worth’s middle class and upper middle class neighborhoods. The GOP is going to cause widespread thirst by constructing these volatile natural gas wells, much like the brief famine that resulted under Caligula’s watch.

M: Dude! There were prosecutorial threats all over the natural gas drilling sites when they were being constructed behind those ugly tall walls made of temporary materials that seemed to be like packing Styrofoam cubes.

D: Man! I remember the warning signs! Trespassing was prohibited with threats that if anyone tried to climb inside and take photographs or just indulge their curiosity about what was happening behind those awful looking temporary walls.

M: Dude! There were a lot of closed roads and convoys of surveyors’ vehicles all over the sites where those volatile natural gas wells were being built. My parents’ television and computer signals were constantly being interrupted during the land surveying and eventual construction.

D: Man! I think that’s what the Republican Party is focused on in terms of deregulating government oversight. If it is true, then it is a travesty of the gravest sort.

M: Dude! Governor Perry and Representative Kay Granger are condescending and always snicker at ecological concerns that the Obama Administration brings up. However, when these little to big time earthquakes began to rattled my parents’ home’s foundation and elsewhere, the Perry and Granger camps made sure to report that the questionable earthquakes were tied to global warming phenomena.

D: Man! This is criminal deception! It is absolutely deplorable and degrading to American democracy and its constituency even more.

M: Dude! Why get sidetracked into the GOP’s tactics abroad? We’ve got our own domestic threats to be alarmed about., specifically the Republican lawmakers up for reelection in 2013 and during 2014 midterms.

D: Man! McDonald’s and Wal-Mart are abusing minimum wage earners, propagandists actually having the nerve to point out how the restaurant will lose $8 billion dollars if they were to double the current minimum wage to $15 dollars per hour.  

M: Dude! Again, I think my parents’ neighborhood was led to believe they would make upwards of $20,000 dollars as a result of the land surveying that was deliberately misled by good looking and unassuming female geologists.

D: Man! Are you sure they were geologists? They could have been lying, you know?

M: Dude! Perhaps. But, as I said, neighborhoods were misled to think they would get considerable amounts of cash. However, they were lied to and, in the end, the fracking companies only awarded $100 dollar bills to individual properties and promised to rebuild the loop around the duck pond. You know that water fountain at the duck pond?

D: Man! Yeah?

M: Dude! Well, the fracking companies put up a weak advertisement bragging that the money made was being invested in the neighborhood park surrounds around the duck pond, but they did not even cover the entire length of the pathway!

D: Man! You’re supposed to take the excessively lied about erroneous $20,000 dollars promised and imagine investing it in companies like PXP and FCX and becoming an eventual millionaire and then a believer in government deregulating. And then John Boehner is going to open a ministry and preach the “I did it and so can you” gospel to the legions of small businesses that are going to result from the private investments and whatnot.

M: Dude! Talk about Caligula!