Man! Dude! Session #168

(D)ude: Man! A forty-five-year-old man shot to death an African American teen scholar in Jacksonville, Florida this past Friday over the issue of loud music playing in the teen’s unarmed friends’ SUV.

(M)an: Dude! Jordan Davis was a seventeen-year-old magnet school student gunned down last November at a gas station where his killer Michael Dunn fired eight shots at his friends’ SUV. Can you imagine the injustice that Jordan Davis hasn’t yet received the respect of being given a definite time frame of events as they unfolded?

D: Man! Last November? I am certain I read several accounts of how it just took place! I bet Angela Corey will probably find this lack of a definite time frame of events as a technicality that can be used against Jordan Davis.

M: Dude! I sure do hope not! Isn’t it enough that Angela Corey heartlessly paraded her foolish expertise riddled with total racist disregard for Trayvon Martin on television like a dolt? I mean, Angela Corey is the Florida Prosecutor put in place by Rick Scott, the cheating gerrymandering Republican governor! She snuck in a six-figure pension increase for herself earlier this year on the grounds that her predecessor did not choose to do so.   

D: Man! Sounds like a blatant Republican oversight by the State of Florida and its reigning degenerate master: The National Rifle Association! If you are a Republican anywhere in the United States, your cheating and long-term tactics are regimented and authoritarian.

M: Dude! The only reason the Republican Party never gets ousted for good and makes surreptitious comebacks is because of the underground network of clandestine moves they think no one would ever be able to sense and, remember, fools rush in and this little tidbit of cliché defines the shallow and money-mongering GOP. I read somewhere that John Kerry is the target of interest for conservatives and then overheard that someone suspicious was taken into custody outside his home fairly recently.

D: Man! Speaker of the House John Boehner and the Republican caucus members probably want to loot the Middle East. I think George W. Bush recently took a trip to Africa for the tackiest but commonest reasons: He wants to revive the Bush Dynasty through the political ascension of his brother Jeb or Jeb’s son George P. Bush. And, get this, Lauren Bush Lauren, granddaughter of George H.W. Bush and wife of designer Ralph Lauren’s son David Lauren, also visits Africa whenever she and David feel compelled to reassess their good fortunes through goodwill excursions to some of the most toughest parts of the continent.

M: Dude! Hillary Rodham Clinton clearly stated how the United States could easily provide stovetops to sub-Saharan families to enhance their quality of life from the rudimentary diet they still subsist on and spend hours of their time retrieving from vestigial sources when compared to developed nations.

D: Man! Madonna is exploiting Muslim girls in her new project to promote yet another money generating, subpar clothing line like the one at Macy’s. Meanwhile, Lady Gaga continued to exploit her followers by disrespecting their station in life via an abrupt acknowledgment that she does not pay her workers overtime and felt betrayed by a former employee suing for a measly $393,000! Madonna is close to billionaire status and Lady Gaga earned a minimum of eighty million despite canceling her tour due to an injury last year.

M: Dude! The private sector cannot ever take the place of government financing social safety nets. Madonna and Lady Gaga and Jon Bon Jovi are exemplary tightwads who only, like Mitt and Ann Romney, care to garner tax breaks for their philanthropic endeavors. If you study what Madonna’s been up to lately, you can sense a superficial regard for women and girls: If the Queen of Pop really wants a revolution of love, she can start by understanding how her adorning a chain niqab only threatens Muslim women’s access to Western culture by invoking hate and disrespect.

D: Man! How is Madonna invoking hate and disrespect?

M: Dude! If Muslim clerics want to demote women and the Western Hemisphere, they can easily make pictorial reference to Madonna’s adorning the niqab alongside her sexually charged performances and make a point to censor a whole lot more than anybody can ever imagine.    

D: Man! I was wondering how Jon Bon Jovi figured into our talk, but remember clearly the reason for him sharing the spotlight with other private sector financial hoarders: After donating one million dollars for Sandy relief efforts that have not concluded thanks to Governor Chris Christie’s “I don’t care” Republicanism. Reminds me of the Swedish Punk Rock Girl Duo Icona Pop’s summer anthem “I Love It”…   

M: Dude! Chris Christie would be well advised to repeat after Icona Pop: “I got this feeling on the summer day when you were gone. I crashed my car into the bridge. I watched, I let it burn.” The Sandy relief effort being blocked is a deplorable Republican Party tactic, you know?

D: Man! Is New Jersey Governor Chris Christie just putting on airs of concern for New Jersey families, but in reality is aligned with the GOP?

M: Dude! Let’s just say that, like Madonna, Chris Christie is only in the business of smug self-servicing and might as well don a chained niqab and join Madonna on her latest glib moneymaking pilgrimage.

D: Man! They both are quite similar, I agree! But it is a form of disrespect to adorn a niqab as a man. There was a Bollywood actor who faced fines and charges of misconduct when he adorned a burqa in order to escape paparazzi.

M: Dude! Madonna probably wore the chained niqab after seeing photographs of Lady Gaga in a burqa last year.

D: Man! Both women are treading in the danger zone with their Muslim getups.

M: Dude! Both women are so enthralled by their powers that they probably think the worst possible scenario to come out from their sacrilegious disregard for another culture’s traditions is their own martyrdom!