Man! Dude! Session #147

(M)an: Dude! Krystal Ball is, hands down, the best-dressed news broadcaster after Diane Sawyer. She could easily take over national television audiences as a soloist. Krystal Ball never looses dignity and decorum. It’s really hard to manage one’s face from the tendency to distract with uncalled for contort exaggerations.

(D)ude: Man! Whereas you can easily wonder off into the fashions of Diane Sawyer over the years, the same cannot be said of Krystal Ball. Instead, the conservative news media channel back to either the past missteps Ball took at a private costume party, or disapprove of the way she chooses to openly discuss some pertinent issues of today with her young daughter.

M: Dude! People, especially conservatives like Newt Gingrich and Paul Ryan and all those who attend undisclosed locale meetings against President Obama and his Administration, underestimate the intellectual capabilities of youth as young as Krystal Ball’s daughter. Why mustn’t Krystal Ball introduce her school age child to topics like same sex parents and partners?

D: Man! Imagine what sort of bullying Krystal Ball’s daughter could be subjected to if one or more of her classmates were to search engine her mother and find those libertarian images and bring them to her attention. Of course Krystal Ball would want to protect her daughter from such intellectual obstruction.

M: Dude! There are gross double standards in this still rather patriarchal world. When someone with the courage to overcome such obstacles of sexist and anti-feminist sentiments, someone like the heroic Krystal Ball for example, then we as a nation mustn’t hold scorn for our beloved sisters and daughters gifted with the grace and epic responsibility to remain rigidly wholesome like in those Norman Rockwell paintings.

D: Man! How would Norman Rockwell make of Anthony Weiner and Mark Sanford?

M: Dude! I would worship Norman Rockwell as a personal spiritual guru of sorts if he had lived and painted the sexual imprudence of Weiner and Sanford.

D: Man! Maybe a Thanksgiving moment like Sanford’s ex-wife sharing potatoes and cornbread with his now-mistress whom he met on the Appalachian Trail expeditions that have become just as noteworthy as George W. Bush’s disrespectfully releasing gas in public for entertainment purposes.

M: Dude! We may not be fathers, but remember when the Romney and Ryan children started a tantrum over playing with the red and white balloons on stage at the Republican National Convention?

D: Man! Yeah?

M: Dude! Imagine a world where your fathers are Romney and Ryan and, despite all the pomp and circumstance that comes with being the selected candidates from your party, your children and grandchildren are displaying characteristics of dunces who have never had their childhood shenanigans addressed properly.

D: Man! The Romney and Ryan RNC was a study indeed! How can you expect your children to not 

become troublemakers with such double standards and all-out racism? Reince Priebus and Rand Paul and Chris Christie and John Boehner at the RNC 2012 personally embarrassed and scared me with their bawdy and brutal performances… Like the late Michael Hutchence from INXS famously sang, it’s hard to believe we need a place called hell!

M: Dude! The GOP can only think of the Dreamers and their families as hassles or domestic workers. It is so crude how John McCain always manages to think that these American populations are needed for his family’s household errands like childcare and household chores. My mother had help, but it wasn’t until I graduated middle school that I realized Aunt Viola was actually not a relative and that Mom paid her to come and do housework. As far as I can remember, I always saw the two women drinking coffee and chatting up a storm in their downtime.

D: Man! Aunt Viola? She reminds me of my father’s secretarial staff. Lola and Stefan were awesome. They actually filled out applications for me at the last minute when my own computer and typewriter malfunctioned.

M: Dude! Lola and Stefan are listed in your address book even today! We just had lunch about four months back with them and their families!

D: Man! How would Norman Rockwell portray Anthony Weiner on the cover of the Saturday Evening Post?

M: Dude! There were Republicans and perverts then too! They were just not pictured on the covers of magazines like today. In fact, I think I have only seen Anthony Weiner’s indiscretions on those cheap gazettes that you can get at the grocery store while waiting in line for the next clerk.

D: Man! Krystal Ball deserves her own hour show. She is unafraid to identify herself as a feminist and I think that is awesome in midst of some of these Fortune 500 company female execs that say otherwise.

M: Dude! If you are a millennium woman exec, you must think on behalf of all women and girls. Just because you are an exec enjoying the privileges of being able to build a nursery for your baby at work and then go home earlier than most to enjoy some time with your school age children right before retiring to work in your specially designated home office space, you cannot forget those of your gender who are struggling in the middle and working classes, if not completely disenfranchised and hanging onto the system of government assistance that Paul Ryan and the GOP are meddling with and trying to erase.

D: Man! The United States Stock Market is reaching unbelievable heights never charted before President Obama’s reinstating the economy and the automobile industry and so on and so forth with his awesome and diverse team of administrators.

M: Dude! Do you think we could assign Paul Ryan and the Republican Majority to Mars in 2022? They can create their own fantasy government against the people and for themselves up where the air is redder than kabuki makeup and hotter than lava.

D: Man! There were over 78,000 applications for that anticipated trip to Mars. And the great thing is, Paul Ryan and the Republican Majority cannot return to Earth because of the obvious physiological changes that will be taking place on the Red Planet.

M: Dude! The 112^th and 113^th Congresses need to be sentenced to life on Mars for their considerable inaction. And George W. Bush needs to go up there as well with Cheney-Rice-Rumsfeld and experiment with his bawdy bodily humor.