Man! Dude! Session #123

(M)an: Dude! David Letterman invited Chris Christie, but overlooked a major flaw in the Governor of New Jersey’s getup. Governor Chris Christie is the exact same person who riled revoltingly about anything dealing with the Democrats and President Obama at the Republican National Convention in 2012.

(D)ude: Man! This was the exact same convention where John Boehner made references to throwing President Obama out of a bar miserably wasn’t it?

M: Dude! That was exactly the one. Remember how Senator Dr. Rand Paul of Kentucky competed for “Most Aggressive Slur” alongside such political rogues like Rick Santorum, John McCain, Condoleezza Rice, Susana Martinez, Tim Pawlenty, Rob Portman, Jeb Bush, Clint Eastwood, and Marco Rubio?

D: Man! If David Letterman is supporting Chris Christie, Letterman has lost his marbles.

M: Dude! If David Letterman is supporting Chris Christie, Letterman hasn’t yet had to clean up layers of soot off the floors of his home like our relatives in Brooklyn, Queens, and Staten Island who had been spared death by drowning or electrocution like so many victims of Hurricane Sandy.

D: Man! David Letterman lives in Montana and Indiana himself and commutes to New York City, doesn’t he? And, anyways, even if he chooses to live below his means in New York City a good part of the time, I bet David Letterman isn’t having to rely on penny-saving relatives in nearby boroughs who themselves are suffering the aftereffects of Sandy even nowadays.

M: Dude! While Governor Chris Christie was watching the Super Bowl with the 49ers franchise owner’s exclusive box seats. On February 3, 2013, Governor Chris Christie said the following, “I think by next February, you’ll see that New Jersey will have recovered a good amount from the storm, and it will be a good way to turn the page from being victims to being survivors and thrivers. And that’s what we’re going to be hoping to do by next February”… The “it” in that statement being the proposal by Republicans like Louisianan Governor Bobby Jindal and Democrats like New Orleans Mayor Mitch Landrieu to move next year’s Super Bowl to New Jersey.

D: Man! I bet that is another one of Governor Chris Christie’s Republican principles that he cannot compromise on: The demand that the private sector be totally responsible for rebuilding the damage done by Super Storm Sandy. Hah! I wonder how many displaced relatives of his are living with him at the New Jersey Governor Mansion!

M: Dude! The houses that remain after the Hurricane Sandy are molding and the residents have to do almost all the cleanup by themselves. Seriously! Governor Chris Christie believes he can get away with pretending to have severed ties with the Republican Party, not being invited to the American Conservative Union’s Conservative Political Action Conference on March 14, 15, and 16, 2013 in Washington, DC, and gotten the private sector to kick into effect by getting New Jersey to host the 2014 Super Bowl. This is ludicrous!

D: Man! It’s all premeditated and Kentuckian Senator Mitch McConnell is up for reelection as well as Governor Chris Christie. But the Republican Party’s refusal to raise more taxes in exchange for additional spending cuts is a miscalculation on the part of the GOP! But to get around this roadblock that they have placed between themselves and President Obama, John Boehner and Eric Cantor have started acting like thugs and finishing their statements with an insincere recipe that they cannot even get straight themselves about their own families’ personal struggles and, if at all, anything having to do with one or two of their constituents that are benefitting from Boehner’s or Cantor’s charities at the local level.

M: Dude! John Boehner and Eric Cantor believe that by securing Governor Chris Christie and Senator Mitch McConnell’s seats in the upcoming November 2013 Elections, the Republican Party can sweep the midterm elections in 2014 and continue trying to make President Obama’s presidency come undone.

D: Man! Remember the story of the dog that recognized his male caretaker’s voice at a Klu Klutz Klan rally in middle of the town square and ran to him despite all the bed sheets and pillowcases that the Klu Klutz Klan people wore?

M: Dude! I think that was a Chicken Soup recipe right out of Canfield and Hansen’s famous For The Soul series.

D: Man! I believe that’s where the story first drew my attention, but the point is that the dog was able to sniff out his owner from the pack of shrouded messes that collectively gathered downtown. But you can never even teach a canine companion to sniff out a double-dealing hoax like Governor Chris Christie and the collateral Republicans like himself that are giving a false sense of safety and an Independent leaning for the sake of becoming reelected.

M: Dude! The Sequestration drama could have been and can still be resolved if the focus was not so suddenly averted from the rebuilding efforts in neighborhoods devastated by Hurricane Sandy and the Congressional Republicans had not chosen to adjourn for ten days in order to avoid responsible problem-solving. And now that they have returned, John Boehner and Eric Cantor are smiling like sociopaths as are fellow Arizonans Governor Jan Brewer and Senator John McCain.

D: Man! Governor Chris Christie lacks a social conscience as well! I’ve never seen him cleaning up soot off the floors and carpets of dilapidated homes reeking with mold and decay from the onslaught of Super Storm Sandy, which, by the way, was four months ago!

M: Dude! The Republican Party ought to be held accountable for its inaction and the continued delays in financial assistance to the survivors of Super Storm Sandy. Because, unlike Governor Chris Christie and all the collateral Republicans such as he, I think every individual to have suffered loss as a result of the storm should be unafraid of being labeled a victim and accepting government services.

D: Man! No one has the right to question whether or not a mother can buy ice cream for her children when on welfare, but these new brand of Republicans make me afraid for the lives of such women and even more so if the Supreme Court were to overturn the Voting Rights Act. As far as I’m concerned, when the students at Texas Occidental Franchise University can boast about having not been reprehended for having participated in Klu Klutz Klan activities and the professors just laugh or look the other way, the Voting Rights Act mustn’t ever be defeated.

M: Dude! TOFU is full of such sociopathic tightwads, Chief Justice Roberts’ Supreme Court ought to go and deliberate there! The student body, faculty, and staff are overwhelmingly all in favor of House Majority Leader Eric Cantor’s plans alongside the GOP to gerrymander and rig the presidential elections so that the rural TOFU communities have disproportionate amounts of influence over their urban-and-diversified counterparts.