Man! Dude! Session #117

(M)an: Dude! How ‘bout them Ravens?

(D)ude: Man! World Champions!

M: Dude! As if the Turkish and the Cambodian will be competing any time soon!

D: Man! There ought to be a concept of democratic allegiance where everybody in the world can rationally look towards the hopes of dressing their little ones in custom fit sports jerseys made especially for tots and toddlers.

M: Dude! That would be a practical application for Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation to strive towards in their worldwide charity work. When the African and Asian nations can produce offspring as robust and hardy as the United States, that’ll be the day I can look back and recall… If I make it far enough to see the Tea Party Republicans retract back into the whitewashed wilderness where their ideology belongs.

D: Man! Perpetrators of violent crimes retreat into the wilds of America.

M: Dude! The Republican Tea Party is comprised of perpetrators of the gravest crimes.

D: Man! Can you refresh my memory? I have had a bit too much to munch and waiting gastrointestinal settling and subsequent burp.

M: Dude! Regarding gastrointestinal releases, the GOP wants to redesign the presidential elections to reflect what essentially would be gerrymandering and billionaires buying out the White House for their own selfish interests.

D: Man! The Wall Street Journal and The New York Times claimed late last week that they had been cyber-attacked by Chinese computer hackers. They made their argument so convincingly that Twitter had to address they had been hacked too, but were certain the cyber-attackers were far more sophisticated than the Chinese computer hackers the newspapers had hastily blasted.

M: Dude! Ray Lewis of the Baltimore Ravens figured out something that has been so inherently understood at previous championship matches of the National Football League that nobody openly discusses this crucial ingredient anymore. Do you think the Republican Tea Party mentality has infiltrated the AFC and NFC?

D: Man! I see where you are coming from… However, the AFC and NFC are still far more judicious than the Republican Party and Tea Party combined. In fact, we at least know that the Ravens are representing the topnotch of the American Football Conference and the 49ers are representing the best of the National Football Conference.

M: Dude! Unlike the membership of the Republican Tea Party, you can at least differentiate the National Football League and its membership. John Boehner and Eric Cantor, alongside Mitch McConnell and Rand Paul, and Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan lest we forget their unsuccessful attempts at the American presidency, do not care to distinguish the fine lines between their tea stains and the GOP.

D: Man! Can you please help me out here! Which one’s the Wisconsinite and which one’s the Bostonian?

M: Dude! Scott Walker is the Wisconsinite cheat alongside Paul Ryan, and Scott Brown is the Bostonian June 1982 Cosmopolitan Magazine centerfold. His daughters unfortunately have inherited their father’s aversion towards appropriate attire, and opt for family photographs with minimum cover.

D: Man! You actually have an eye for other people’s adult daughters’ faux pas?

M: Dude! These men argue against preventative health initiatives for women, and yet their own daughters remain immune to the labels that our daughters have to endure for taking charge of their own bodies. Nathaniel Hawthorne’s scarlet lettering is apparent still in the new millennium and it must end.

D: Man! You got cretins on Faux New Channel and its affiliates.

M: Dude! Faux News Channel is the most obscene creation to come onto the airwaves. They rationalize such obnoxious and noxious cases for explicit violence amongst assemblies of folks.

D: Man! I can argue they are the reason for the perpetuation of hate and resentment that boil over onto our children’s collective unconscious. Give me a moment to collect my thoughts, unlike Bill O’Reilly and Megan McCain, and Megyn Kelly and Michael Graham.

M: Dude! Getting Jungian is far more relevant than any of the four offensives you just listed. Collective unconscious, huh? Interesting! I bet Bill O’Reilly, Megan McCain, Megyn Kelly, and Michael Graham have a collective nothingness in their hard drive.

D: Man! That’s just it! Hard drive! The Tea Party and the Republican GOP have a collective nothingness that makes them threats to the development of our sons and daughters’ hard drives.

M: Dude! The software is just as tainted as the hard drive, or our version of the Jungian collective unconscious, and needs to be deleted from the airwaves.

D: Man! Faux News Channel was provoking viewers to take their teeming emotional instability about President Obama winning a second term. They were sharing nonsense that the Secret Service men and women had clothed the president in at least forty pounds of bulletproof attire underneath his overcoat.

M: Dude! Faux News Channel is explicitly provocative and, yet, it is on the televisions at Harris Southwest off of Harris Parkway, a Methodist Church affiliate and top Fort Worth hospital that refuses to air NBC and MSNBC. I do not get it!

D: Man! I wonder how many of the Harris Southwest patients were tuning into Faux News Channel on January 16, 2013 when Megyn Kelly and Michael Graham were lewdly informing their religiously sensitive viewership about securing a name in the adult industry. Ahem! Ugh!