Man! Dude! Session #246: Bubblegum Lightweights??

(D)ude: Man! I cannot believe that preschoolers are involved in charity drives. Their parents will be fundamentally against any tax revenues, but will take entire camera crews to the sites where the spirit of Christmas is guaranteed protection against any criticism. 

(M)an: Dude! I have decided to give to the UNICEF K.I.N.D. fund in order to finance a Malawian child’s education for an entire year.  

D: Man! That’s a great Christmas gift, unlike what those preschoolers were dispensing at the charity drive: Toys that were certainly out of place philosophically, like the “haves” were driving home the unconscious sting of class warfare for those who the “haves” labeled as the “have nots” that is too prevalent amongst schoolchildren of all ages.  

M: Dude! Imagine the seasonal shame of having to be one of those students in the classroom who must endure the experience of being on camera in the local news depending on how much your parents cannot afford.

D: Man! Imagine the seasonal shame of having to be a vulnerable child parishioner in the church who must endure the experience of being handed hand-me-downs and food items from the collective pantry. Have you ever experienced the feel of used clothes when you know exactly who discarded them?

M: Dude! Did you watch the way Martha Raddatz of ABC failingly attempted to find fault and flaw throughout her interview with Secretary of State John Kerry on Sunday’s This Week? She also has that deteriorated belligerent attitude of the far right towards the President’s decision to not exercise military might in the Middle East, but diplomacy instead.  

D: Man! You now know why President Obama and Secretary Kerry choose to not share every piece of diplomacy that they’re engaged in throughout the world. Martha Raddatz was always a favorite of mine, but has reduced to rather combative absurdities, like the popularly reelected President of the United States fight wars all over the world map but without any casualties.      

M: Dude! What was Martha Raddatz thinking in Vietnam when she abruptly asked about Secretary Kerry’s suffering a civilian casualty as a soldier himself in the Vietnam War?

D: Man! That’s the mentality of the American Press, that the Democratic Party must also fight wars, but without any casualties of course.  

M: Dude! American journalists like Martha Raddatz encourage the European Union to not take into consideration the ethnically diverse and non-Christian sectors of humanity.  

D: Man! American news reporters like Martha Raddatz are bad influences upon the EU?

M: Dude! Certainly! Have you read Amnesty International’s briefing entitled, “An International Failure: The Syrian Refugee Crisis” online?

D: Man! The mathematics of the far right is one of humanitarian cruelty parallel to the Third Reich’s killing of at least 6 million Jews and countless others who had the courage to dissent and fight during that Holocaust. The Congressional Republicans since 2010 have burned countless billions that could have gone towards peace processes globally and economic boosts for US.  

M: Dude! Republicans only want to inflict such economic and social havoc amongst the disenfranchised in the United States that disenfranchised Americans begin to loath the millions of Syrian refugees and the safe havens provided to them at the moment by countries that are strained financially due to their open door policies and the subsequent depletion in resources because of inaction on the part of the United States and European Union.  

D: Man! I despise the term “fiscal conservatism” that Representative Paul Ryan of Wisconsin declares his Republican colleagues and he practice. They rather waste 24 billion dollars and not show up to work more often than not. The 24 billion dollars, that the Republican Party burned through their resolve to shutdown rather than compromise, could have been spent wisely to assist the main countries of refuge identified in the Amnesty International Briefing on December 13th.  

M: Dude! The Republican Party Sequestration, the Republican Party Government Shutdown, and The Republican Party Megawatt Billionaires have orchestrated a malicious criminal network of injustices in Eurasia. They have exported their hatred for same sex couples and families to Russia. They have exported their border policing frenzy to Europe.        

D: Man! The Republican Party is polluting the United States with the National Rifle Association. You’ve got self-described secessionists that would probably be better served with free tuition to a community college that provides a brief history of  the United States with James W. Loewen classics in place of textbooks.   

M: Dude! I don’t think a lot of these secessionists can even construct a run-on sentence. I think the closest they’ve ever come to even a sentence fragment has constituted of the defacements their friends and they inked or cut onto the restroom walls in junior high school.

D: Man! Do you think that Chris Christie really believes that his eldest son attending Princeton University will keep him from socializing with people from the other side of the tracks?

M: Dude! The railway tracks were in fashion around the time of President Reagan and Molly Ringwald’s characters stitching their own prom dresses and chewing bubblegum in Saturday morning detention. But Representative Paul Ryan of Wisconsin would probably reduce Molly Ringwald’s film families’ paychecks to where even President Clinton had never imagined Republicans could get that low.      

D: Man! Ronald Reagan never chewed gum or stitched prom dresses, did he? You know, that which you just said could constitute for a misuse of something in grammar. Imagine if Ronald Reagan had stitched prom dresses like Molly Ringwald in Pretty In Pink or chewed gum as she did in The Breakfast Club!

M: Dude! Ronald Reagan was such a homophobic, xenophobic lightweight- much more than Margaret Thatcher some would say- that the closest to the color pink he would agree to get was in his ties or socks.

D: Man! How did you know? I’ve overheard the same about many Republican men! In fact, Chris Christie’s penchant for fuchsia is quite visible in his ties. But has anyone ever seen Christie’s socks?