Man! Dude! Session #189

(M)an: Dude! You are either really mad or in a passionate slosh. What happened? Did our friends from high school drive you mad with their public displays of affection?

(D)ude: Man! I thought any public display of affection was indicative of a troubled or doomed marriage! And then they had the get-up-and-go to actually bring their four and eight-year-olds! 

M: Dude! You’re really still wrapped up in the blatant disregard the kids had for the leather couch and the pillows. Do you need me to launder the accessories and polish the furniture?

D: Man! These bare foot markings were looking cute, before the cola spilled and the children began to invite the discussion of what they would like for Christmas! Who are we? Santa Claus and the Lucky Charms Leprechaun?

M: Dude! I was going to mention the Kentucky Woman up for reelection this year, Mitch McConnell, but you are clearly too exhausted to be entertaining anything near a conversation.

D: Man! Wait! If she gets to know you, she’s going to own you! Kentucky woman!

M: Dude! Well, she isn’t the kind that makes heads turn at the drop of her name!

D: Man! That’s certainly for sure about Mitch McConnell! She shines with her own kind of light! What about that Jersey girl?

M: Dude! Chris Christie makes me want to break out in either a Bon Jovi number or Ricky Martin’s Maria!

D: Man! Un pasito pa’delante, Maria! Un, dos tres! Un pasito pa’tras!  

M: Dude! One step ahead, Maria! One, two, three! One step back! Sounds like the Republican GOP! Hey, were the children in the same category of annoying and undisciplined as Paul Ryan and Clint Eastwood?

D: Man! Equally ungovernable! First time I didn’t like them, this time I couldn’t stand them, next time I’m going to despise them!

M: Dude! I was watching a NOVA episode on PBS about Making Stuff Smaller. Did you know that at the smallest attainable level of existence, the molecular and even tinier, there are now nanobots that are only in need of polishing up in order to go after cancer cells?

D: Man! Nanobots? NOVA? Wow! What are nanobots? Nanotech robots that are released into the bloodstream and then powered to attract to the cells in question and obliterate them, is that it?

M: Dude! Yeah! But we’re still at the starting line because the nanobots right now appear to be obliterating every cell in the body instead of a specific kind.

D: Man! So, what else did you learn about nanobots?

M: Dude! There was a segment on the Canterbury Cathedral’s stained glass windows as well. Did you know that gold yields ruby pink glass? And that silver yields golden glass? Were you aware that the David H. Koch Fund for Science yields an episode of NOVA on PBS? Well, partially that is. The National Science Foundation is also a funder, and so is the Department of Energy and The Boeing Company.

D: Man! David H. Koch probably is a realistic heartless Republican! He clearly doesn’t want cancer to hit him and his family and he does, remember this, have a master’s degree in chemical engineering from MIT. So, the man is a calculating Republican. He probably funds such shows because he wants to recruit imaginative and trainable minds into the sciences as earliest as possible so they will give the most return on investment!

M: Dude! Reminds me a lot of parents these days introducing music before their baby has even left the womb! And yet, before a lot of children have even left the home for preschool, they have come by homes like ours to make lasting impressions on our furniture and appliances and et cetera and so forth!

D: Man! I really would like to call up the PDA couple from earlier and tell them, as Taylor Swift has sung over and over again, “We’re never getting back together!” God Almighty! Have mercy upon me!

M: Dude! Taylor Swift managed to outsell every performer who has ever held a show at the Staples Center by about three performances. Swift had eleven sold out shows this week, surpassing Madonna and Britney Spears’ record of eight each.

D: Man! Remind me of today if I ever express the desire to become a father!

M: Dude! You’ll be a wonderful father! You don’t believe in corporal punishment and I’ve seen you negotiate surprising deals with countless tots before! You’re the best!

D: Man! Thanks for that friendly reminder! I’m seriously wasted right now! Do you know that I actually had to assist in the bathroom breaks the children made? I noticed the Sesame Street Brand hand soap bottles in there. Where did you find them?

M: Dude! Aldi! I don’t go to Wal-Mart anymore!

D: Man! Aldi? When I told the rowdy children’s parents about Aldi, they insisted that they could not possible make the switch due to the limited items at Aldi compared to Wal-Mart!

M: Dude! They really were morons! Because if I were a father, I would begin by converting my children to the Aldi brands! You can buy so much more for so much less! An excellent return on investment!

D: Man! I don’t understand the Republican GOP! They want military intervention abroad in the Middle East at a time when the United Nations estimates that one million children have been forced to flee Syria! And then, UN officials are warning, according to the LA Times’ Alexandra Zavis, that a lost generation of Syrian children will be growing up illiterate and full of hatred!

M: Dude! With the Republican Sequestration and subsequent Republican austerity measures and furloughing, the United States is going to have to contend with similar crises at home with its children! And the GOP wants to rise up the military and cut all financial assistance at a time when countries are depending on US to provide the morale and the way to a future of hope and compassion: Lebanon, Jordan, Turkey, Iraq, and Egypt, and now North Africa and Europe.

D: Man! Almost three-fourths of the child refugees from Syria are under the age of eleven! And of the three billion dollars the UN needs, only one-third of it has been funded! Add to that the closings of Head Start in the United States due to the Congressional Republicans; American families will not be able to think much about the top in the Maslow pyramid of hierarchical needs in response to what’s happening and needed in the Muslim world right now.

M: Dude! The Congressional Republicans are instituting criminal policies! All because of their backwoodsman perspectives of moneymaking through government funds and hellish hatred towards anyone not within the status quo!

D: Man! These backwoodsmen Congressional Republicans will just throw their political hands up and refuse to give aide to our Muslim allies, accusing President Obama for their own Sequestration tactics. They must be voted out because they will only throw our children at home and abroad under the bus of developmental jargon like The child refugees have missed the opportunity to develop healthily because they are 11-years-old and too old to go back and master the stages set forth by Jean Piaget and Erik Erikson.

M: Dude! Even adults who think they are in young adulthood or even middle adulthood haven’t accomplished Erik Erikson’s earliest stage of mistrust versus trust!

D: Man! The Republican Party leadership must be voted out of office this fall and next year’s midterms!

M: Dude! Of course! I think Jean Piaget would see the Republican GOP for what they indulge in most: a habitual self-preoccupation!

D: Man! They are dangerous! They’re what Richard Connell wrote about in his 1924 short story, “The Most Dangerous Game”! The GOP is Sanger Rainsford and General Zaroff combined into one monstrosity!

M: Dude! It’s the millennium goliath! GO-liath-P!