Man! Dude! Session #156

(D)ude: Man! Katherine Jackson should block Paris Jackson and her two brothers from having to testify in the untimely death of their father Michael Jackson. And now there’s even a curious “I am here for you” audio recording by Conrad Murray to Paris Jackson being leaked to the press.

(M)an: Dude! I am reminded of anti-predator adaptation and Diana Ross and Denise Richards. I am reminded of the way parents provide so much protection against human predators to their children. Ross and Richards are two women who have proven to be stellar mothers and fathers.

D: Man! I am beginning to understand why Michael Jackson slated Diana Ross as the next best guardian for his three children, after Katherine Jackson. Diana Ross is strong and outspoken and strict but genuinely committed to her children and grandkids.

M: Dude! Katherine Jackson ought to hand over the care and nurturance of her son Michael’s three children to Diana Ross. I wholeheartedly agree with you. Plus, it is traumatic for teenagers sheltered from the public eye to have to fight off the camouflage of a normal school day and a loving network of cousins and a doting grandmother to descend into celebrity status while being pressured from their aunts and uncles and that same doting grandmother to relive the horror of finding their father unresponsive and passed away in his bedroom.

D: Man! How many more nine figures does Katherine Jackson want to attain? I don’t get it! This is not the first suicide attempt by Paris either. She has endured the pain before and, well, I don’t see why Katherine Jackson persists on pursuing additional monetary gains at the expense of Michael Jackson’s children’s mental health and stability.

M: Dude! It is frustrating to know that even a billion dollar estate cannot satiate the Jackson clan enough to not put Michael Jackson’s children up to testify. I believe this is a very apparent case of re-victimization of the victims. For the past four years, Katherine Jackson has made Paris and her siblings appear in court. Children these days are just too sharp to not pick up societal and personal cues from their surroundings.

D: Man! I don’t know if Debbie Rowe is a reliable source of comfort and solace for Paris Jackson either. Rowe may be the biological mother of Paris, but I still believe Diana Ross can settle the trauma that Michael Jackson’s children have gone through: Latoya Jackson, Janet Jackson, and Conrad Murray.

M: Dude! I cannot forget how Janet Jackson adjusted the microphone so that Paris Jackson’s declaration of love for her father Michael Jackson would not be minced at the public funeral at the 

Staples Center in LA.

D: Man! And remember how Janet Jackson then proceeded to superficially embrace Paris with her gloved hands? What a fake flake Janet Jackson was then and even now, I heard that Janet envies Paris and still wants custody of her for her own selfish indulgences. I would not trust Janet Jackson with Paris, lest Paris become an esthetician and/or massotherapeute!

M: Dude! A massage therapist and/or an esthetician for Janet Jackson would be punishing for anyone, but especially for someone as cherished and beloved as Michael Jackson’s daughter and sons!

D: Man! Diana Ross and Katherine Jackson must work out an arrangement where Paris Jackson can stay with Ross during this critical time in her adolescence. I don’t think parental restrictions as carried out by Katherine Jackson are enough for a developing teenager. Paris wanted to go to a heavy metal alternative rock band concert but was not permitted. Instead she had a scheduled appearance on a German TV show, which she slotted to her older brother.

M: Dude! Do you remember how I dyed my hair multiple colors throughout high school? I used to be obsessed about the eighties heavy metal alternative rock bands like Scorpions and Def Leppard and Motley Crue and Alice Cooper.

D: Man! Alice Cooper’s considered an entire band, huh? But, yeah, I remember the colorful dyes and the pierced earrings. You looked just like a cross between Kip Winger and George Michael.

M: Dude! Huh? Thanks? But, yeah, I recall a lot of our classmates who did not compromise their eardrums in the end after all that MTV headbanger afterhours.

D: Man! I think all that listening to those rock metal ballads made my ears sensitive to water. I think around the time of the MTV headbanger afterhours, I began suffering swimmer’s ears.

M: Dude! That reminds me of Denise Richards’ colorful history of boyfriends that included Bon Jovi’s Richie Sambora. She’s now taken custody of her daughters’ half-brothers from Charlie Sheen’s relationship with Brooke Mueller, which is impressive considering that Richards was already balancing three daughters alone with the help of her widowed father.

D: Man! Did you see how toddlers today choose electronic devices like iPads over their mothers and more traditional toys?

M: Dude! We underestimate the brilliance of babies and toddlers and kids! Of course, the child will know that an iPad is no substitute for a parent! But, like adults who procrastinate or lull over our phone apps and surfing the Internet, babies are aware of the enduring affection and love of their guardians.

D: Man! ABC News is very Republican! They think, like the GOP, that children are innocent and vulnerable to an exhaustively simple degree. One of the stories that I’ll never forget is that of a family who opted to trade in their Amazon Gift Cards and Barnes and Noble Gift Cards for cash, only to spend it on a parent’s night out!

M: Dude! That is sacrilegious!

D: Man! It is! They traded in hundreds of dollars worth of possible personal libraries for  immediate guttural gratification via parent’s night out! Talk about waste! Yeah, tomorrow they will be judging Marilyn Manson, but I know Marilyn Manson would indulge his children with books instead of trading in the opportunity for some night on the town! Oh! Marilyn Manson has invited Paris to join him unconditionally VIP to all his shows for as long as he’s in the business of showmanship.

M: Dude! That is incredibly generous of him! I know too that Marilyn Manson would indulge his children with books instead of instant guttural gratification. But Paris Jackson had better be chaperoned by her older brother when attending these concerts. Prince Michael is an old soul!

D: Man! Indeed!